Hopeless
by AgarJelly
Summary: Hurt, loss and betrayal. It's 1981; everyone is gone and Remus Lupin is alone. RL/SB. (Slight AU after a few chapters).
1. Hopeless

**Hopeless**

**Summary: Hurt, loss and betrayal. Everyone is gone and Remus Lupin is alone. ****RL/SB **

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is life... but it's not mine.**

**A/N: This is the first fanfic I've decided to put online so please don't hate me &amp; please review! :)**

'No...no...NO!' Remus Lupin cried, falling to his knees in despair. Dumbledore placed a pale hand on his shoulder, the touch was cold underneath his torn robes and the attempt at comfort was meaningless to him as, to Remus it was impossible to see what the point was anymore?

Everything was gone. Everyone was gone: James, Lily, Peter and... Sirius.

How could Sirius do this? How could he betray everyone he loved? Was their love not enough for him? Wasn't Remus' love enough for the great Sirius Black?

Clearly not.

Not everyone had perished though, Harry was not gone. He was however, like Remus, very alone in this awful world.

He could not look up. He would not look up at the house that his best friends once called home. It stunk of magic; dark magic that filled the werewolf's nose causing the beast deep inside him to growl at the stench. The yellow grass was dry and dead beneath his hands.

_Dry and dead, much like the remnants of my soul_, Remus thought bitterly. He angrily gripped and pulled the wilted clumps out of the earth and crushed them under his firm grip, while sobbing silently, tears streaming down his unwashed cheeks. He hadn't believed Dumbledore when he had informed Remus of the accident...

The betrayal.

Reluctantly, he looked up at the wreck that lay before him. There was a massive, gaping hole that had blasted through the side of the house. The windows were smashed and the front door was hanging loosely on one hinge, but other than that, the house looked eerily peaceful.

He did not look away as he addressed the headmaster at the side of him. 'Sir... W-would it be all right if I looked around... just one last time.' he exhaled shakily, before continuing, 'I need to see..' his voice broke, but he need not finish this sentence. He heard the wise wizard beside him sigh in a melancholy way as he removed his hand from the werewolf's shoulder.

'Alone I presume, Remus?' he sounded concerned and slightly weary. Remus was surprised that he did not need to argue his case further, but he did not show it.

'Please if you don't mind, Professor. It wont take long, I just need...' He struggled.

"_The great Remus Lupin: lost for words!"_

"_Shove off Prongs!"_

'...well, closure, I guess.' wiping his nose on his dishevelled sleeve, he glanced away for moment to look at Dumbledore, determined.

'Very well, Remus. I won't be far away if you call.' he smiled sadly when Remus remained stoic, trying to hide his devastation that showed up so clearly in his lush eyes.

'Thank you, Sir.' He got to his feet and, focusing on his target, began to walk forward towards the house. He pushed the crumbling door aside and entered the hallway, illuminated by the crimson sunset outside. A large scratch ran the whole way down the hall on the wall. The mark reminded Remus of those he would make on the full moon when the wolf was frustrated. This one was different though. This one was not marked by an animal, but a wand. Furniture and ornaments lay smashed and destroyed as he ventured further into the house.

He came to face a shape, drawn in white chalk at the bottom of the stairs at the end of the hall. Remus stared at the place James' body once laid, cold and lifeless and choked back a moan of despair. James: the man who had always accepted Remus and had been the greatest friend he could have ever hoped for, was gone. He was not coming back. A wave of a wand and an incarnation made sure of that. He gripped the banister for support and breathed deeply, composing himself, before moving upstairs; towards the nursery.

The door had been blasted off its hinges and discarded to the side. There was rubble everywhere. The only bit of furniture left unscathed by the blast was the cot. The wind blew in from where the wall should have been and sent shivers down Remus' spine. A second chalk pattern lay at the foot of the cot.

Lily.

Lily, with wild red hair that always blew gracefully when she walked; with eyes like emerald orbs that constantly shone like the stars in the sky; who was there for Remus once when no one else was. Lily: the doe to James' stag. Both gone.

Taken away.

Remus was light headed. He felt oddly dizzy. That's when he heard it: manic laughing. He covered his ears like a child but it was no use. The sound was coming from inside his head. It was merciless and cold; it was purely Voldemort. He screamed as the laughter became unbearable. That was when his own pained cries were drowned out by Lily's as she pleaded with the unreasonable laughter.

Dumbledore's hand was back on Remus' shoulder; bringing him back to reality. He opened his eyes, not remembering when he had closed them in the first place. His vision was glassy and wet. He turned to Dumbledore questionably, albeit already knowing the answer.

'Did- did you hear her?' Dumbledore shook his head, still smiling at Remus in pity, and replied with sympathy.

'This house is-and I think you have noticed this too- filled with uncontrollable magic. I do not think it wise for us to be in its presence longer.' he looked around wearily.

'Sir,' Remus shook his head slowly, clearing his mind, 'He laughed as she begged him. Voldemort -he laughed at her death. I heard her scream as she died. How is this fair. This is not right; its sick!' He whimpered as his voice shook.

'None of this is fair Remus and none of this is right.' he motioned the werewolf to stand. Remus obediently stood, this body was too drained to argue or protest. 'Now, come Remus. I take it you will want to see them, James and Lily that is?' Remus sniffed (a sound he detests so much he winced inwardly) and nodded his reply as words failed him. Dumbledore, still clutching Remus' shoulder, sighed and together: they disapparated.

RSRSRS

When they apparated to the graveyard, Remus stumbled to the ground from exhaustion. He quickly recovered, brushing leaves off his shaggy robes. They were silent for a couple of minutes as Remus scanned the setting, then he saw it. The stone shone against the moonlight, brighter than all the other graves. Remus had been on a mission when the Potters were killed and Dumbledore had conveniently waited until the end of his mission to inform him. It was because of this, that Remus had missed the Potters funeral; the lycanthrope still hasn't forgiven Dumbledore for that and wasn't likely to any time soon. Finally, the headmaster spoke,

'Excuse me for a second, Remus while I quickly send an owl to Hogwarts. I trust that you will want to look around.' He turned away. Despite Remus's desperate need to move away, curiosity got the better of him.

'Sir, may I ask? Is everything all right at-'

'Ah, Remus, all in good time.' his eyes twinkled as he glided away towards the barn owl that had suddenly landed on a bench not too far away. Shaking his head in exasperation at the Headmaster's antics, Remus set off towards the grave that had caught his attention before.

He stood before the stone, shadowing the moonlight that reflected off it, taking in the words engraved upon it.

_James Potter_

_Born 27 March 1960_

_Died 31 October 1981_

_Lily Potter_

_Born 30 January 1960_

_Died 31 October 1981_

_The Last Enemy That Shall Be Destroyed is Death_

'I'm so sorry. Prongs, Lily, I am so, so sorry.' He whispered, falling to his knees, pressing his head against the cool stone. 'Fuck, James this isn't right. You, Lily, you weren't supposed to die. You were supposed to live and grow old together and watch Harry grow up... but no. That would have been too easy, and that would have been fair, and the world clearly doesn't work like that.' he sighed.

'I would have died for you James;' putting a lot of emphasis on the "I". 'you too Lily... I just... I can't believe you're both gone and Peter too.' he hesitated, biting his lip. 'and Sirius. James he was your best friend, how could that bastard do this to us?!' His voice was growing steadily louder. 'You trusted him! We all trusted him! He was your brother in everything but blood... but I guess that just wasn't enough for him. He betrayed us all. I'm sorry... so sorry. I will never forgive myself for not seeing through that piece of filth before now... before it was too late.' He held his head in his hands, slowly rocking back and forth. 'I want to hate him for all he has done, Prongs, but I can't... that just shows how far he played us, I guess. Using our love to destroy us.' He stopped there, unwilling to say anymore.

He wiped away a stray tear and shivered as a large gust of wind blew by; slowly, he forced himself to his feet. 'I'll visit again soon, I promise. I love you both; I'm so sorry.' he repeated again. Pulling out his wand from his robes, he conjured a deep red rose that came to rest in front of the gravestone. 'Bye guys.' he whispered before turning away to meet Dumbledore who greeted him with a reassuring smile. 'Sir?'

'Yes, Remus.'

'I'd... I'd like to go home now if that's all right. I came here straight from my mission and I am quite exhausted. I hope you understand.' Dumbledore's smile faltered slightly as his face filled with such remorse, that Remus feared what he was going to say next.

'I am sorry Remus, it is will regret that you can not return home tonight, or at all really.'

'Oh? And why is that' Remus replied, slightly agitated, forcing down the small voice in his head that told him he was perceptive enough to have guessed by now why.

'Shortly after Voldemorts' downfall, the death eaters went on a rampage. I am sorry to tell you that they burned down the flat you shared with Sirius that night, presumably in rage.' Whatever colour that remained on Remus' face vanished.

'B-burnt it down? Everything is g-gone?' he stuttered. It was official. Everything was lost. He had nothing left. 'Where can I go?' he asked, more to himself than the headmaster. He stared at his shoes as Dumbledore gazed intently at him.

'As I recall, your father, Lyall-'

'No.' His head snapped up. 'I'm Sorry professor, but I cannot go back and burden my father any more. He has already sacrificed enough of his life for me and I will not allow any more.' He rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. He needed Dumbledore to understand. 'I want him to spend the rest of his life in peace; away from me...' Dumbledore nodded.

'I see. It is your choice, I am aware of that, I was merely suggesting possibilities. However, as you are reluctant for that option, may I suggest that you stay at Hogwarts until such time as you get back on your feet.' Remus shook his head.

'I do not want to impose-'

'Nonsense! Really Remus I insist. Where else will you go?' It was a fair point. Where else could Remus go? Dumbledore was the only one left that he trusted. He sighed in defeat.

'All right. Thank you headmaster. I can not tell you how much I appreciate this, really, but just for tonight.' He meant the words as he said them.

'Very well, Remus' he held out his arm. He was holding an old can. 'I have sent an owl along informing the staff that you will be staying at the school and I have arranged the house elves to prepare a bed for you in Gryffindor tower.' He winked a sparkling blue eye and smiled proudly at his own assumption.

Dumbledore, Remus thought, was an arrogant, old codger who loved being right, but that did not deny how grateful he was at his kindness. He motioned Remus to clasp the portkey which he hesitantly did (knowing what was coming next). With a nauseating sensation, they journeyed to Hogwarts.

RSRSRS

Remus' stay at Hogwarts was not a pleasant one. To Remus the castle was filled with memories and pointless dreams.

Remus stayed in the seventh boys dormitory-the only one with a spare bed. Not that he would need a spare bed. In light of Voldemort's downfall, students had all gone home to spend time with their families and celebrate their new found freedom, leaving the entire tower empty, save for the werewolf. Despite this, Remus felt that it was probably best sleep in the spare bed anyhow. You never know with teenage wizards.

He spent the best of an hour trying and failing to get comfortable. He had not slept in over two days yet he felt strangely alert and awake. Remus blames this on the werewolf camps where you can't trust anyone. He closed his eyes for the sleep that did not come and analysed his situation.

He had nothing; they took away everything... Sirius took everything. Not that Remus had anything much to start with. True he carried a large weight around with him for 21 years, but these were not treasures. It was the weight of the world that he carried, too large for someone so young.

_'But what happens when you take everything away from someone who had nothing to give, Moony?'_

At the time Remus did not know how to reply to that. However, he has now had time to think about the answer...

'This, Padfoot, because you managed to find something...'

Finally, exhaustion took over and he drifted off to the world of nightmares.

RSRSRS

'Please... Please no... Don't do this... no... NO!'

Remus woke abruptly, panting and drenched in sweat. He curled up into a ball and began consoling himself. 'Dream. Just a dream; a nightmare. It's over. You're at Hogwarts, every thing's fine.' _Except everything is not fine and everything is not over_, he added in his head.

The lycanthrope was trembling, violently. This was most definitely not the first nightmare of his past, the war and the werewolf camps, but it was far from his last. Tears slipped silently down his pale, scarred face.

Up until recently though, Remus did not have to experience them alone. Usually, Sirius would be there, wrapping his arms around Remus, whispering calming words.

_'Shh, love it's fine, I'm here; Padfoot is here.' Remus buried his face into Sirius's chest, whimpering silently. 'Moony, its fine. It was a dream. Just a dream; a nightmare. It's over now. I'm not going to let anything happen to you.' _

_The werewolf stared up at Sirius, ignoring the wet patch he had left on his partner's vest top. His eyes glistening with tears. 'What happened, Moony? Was it a new one?' He nodded in response. 'Do you want to talk about it?' Remus shook his head, then half way through changed his mind and nodded again. _

_'This... this one was different Pads.' Sirius cocked his head to the side in curiosity._

_'Hmm, how so?' There was a pause._

_'It wasn't a memory, like the usual ones.' Sirius nodded understandingly, although his eyes were screwed up in focus. He continued, 'It was... weird and awful, so very awful. Voldemort. He murdered Prongs and Lily and Harry and Peter in front of us... they lay cold at his feet. Then he-' He took a deep breath. He almost considered not telling Sirius. He didn't want to scare or worry the animagus. Finally, emotion and desperation to tell someone overpowered him. He continued (Sirius wouldn't let something like this slide easily anyway). 'He was torturing you... You were screaming and screaming. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't move. I desperately tried to get to you but I couldn't get there in time before they-' He voice broke as Sirius pulled him closer._

_'It-it's fine Moony. That won't happen. That bastard will never get us.' His words clearly shook Sirius, Remus could hear it in his voice. 'We- we will beat him Moony. We're in this together... Besides, you wouldn't get rid of us that easily anyway.' He added at the end to ease the tension that had fallen between them. Remus let out a watery, forced chuckle, before becoming serious again._

_'If anything ever happened to you Padfoot, I don't know what I would do...'_

_'Ditto, Rem.'_

_'I... I love you Sirius... and I always will.'_

_'I know, me too. I will always love you, Rem and I'll never leave you... or Prongs, Lils, Harry or Pete... I promise.' Remus nodded and snuggled deeper into his chest._

'Liar.' Remus muttered, coldly to the empty dormitory.

RSRSRS

'Professor?'

Dumbledore, currently petting the amber body of the beautiful, singing Fawkes, looked up. Remus poked his head around the door to the headmaster's office, nervously. He still looked exhausted.

'Ah, Remus. Do come in.' He gestured to the seat in front of his desk in which Remus, hesitantly sat, staring at his hands. Dumbledore moved from Fawkes- who continued singing serenely, giving the lycanthrope goose-bumps- and sat behind his own magnificent seat behind his desk.

Remus suddenly felt every small; shadowed and unworthy, like a child. When he found his confidence (and his voice) he gazed up and locked eyes with the wise, old wizard.

'Harry.' His voice quivered, but his face remained stoic. Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, inviting him to continue. Remus broke eye contact for a split second to clear his throat. He he were to achieve anything today he needed to be confident. 'I want to see Harry.' Dumbledore's welcoming smile dropped and Remus could swear he felt Dumbledore's gaze harden on him then. Of course the professor was over-protective about Harry but Remus had to be sure, so he asked bitterly, 'Do you not trust me, sir?' Dumbledore looked almost angry. He shouldn't have asked, he knew, but he was sick of lies and people seeing him as untrustworthy.

'Yes Remus, of course I trust you, more than most I can assure you. Surely these past ten years have proved that?' Remus nodded once, corner of Dumbledore's lip twitched upwards as he calmed; slipping back into his old, laid back smile. This time, it was the werewolf's turn to harden his gaze.

'But you wont let me see him?' He mumbled accusingly. Dumbledore sighed.

'Remus, you are smart. You know why it would be very inappropriate for you to see Harry.'

'He's all that I have left, sir!' he burst out suddenly. 'I don't mean to be selfish, really, but... everyone else is gone. Harry and I: all we have now is each other; no one understands what he is going through more than me and vise versa. Everyone we loved is gone and they aren't coming back. I need to see him one last time, Sir... One final time.' he broke their gaze stared, instead, at the golden phoenix, who was still whistling. Remus knew that despite this, Fawkes was still following the convocation with just as much attention and motivation as he was putting into his song. Remus watched the bird enviously.

How perfect it must be to have no problems -to live the carefree life- to be able to spread your wings and fly away from everything, not knowing or caring where the wind and earth took you? |All of that, yet this beautiful bird chooses to stay? Why?

For the same reasons that everyone else stays, Remus thinks, one of which (in the case of magical folk) was the wizard sat opposite him:

Dumbledore.

'Certain precautions will be needed Remus.' Remus' head span around fast to stare at Dumbledore, disbelievingly. Surely not? His face felt funny and tingly, was he, Remus Lupin, smiling? It had been so long; too long since he last smiled properly.

'Really sir? You'll let me see him? Oh my gosh thank you so much sir. Thank you! When can I see him?' He abruptly stopped himself there. He shouldn't be too enthusiastic, Dumbledore could always change his mind. However, it turned out that Headmaster was instead chucking at Remus's enthusiasm instead.

'Like I said Remus, precautions need to be taken place, so therefore it will take a day or two maybe.' Remus' face fell slightly. 'In return for this Remus I must insist you stay in the castle until such time that we visit Harry. If you do not mind my saying, you look like you could do with some food and sleep... and maybe a firewhiskey?' He added before chuckling again, while Remus scoffed. _Might take you up on that! _he thought.

'I see. Thank you so much, sir. I really appreciate this.'

'It is understandable. This entire situation is hard, most of all for you and Harry. You two are, of course, alone while everyone else is celebrating; leaving one to wonder if there is in fact anything left that is worth celebrating...' Remus nodded, eyes pricking. Dumbledore, noticing this, continued,

'Light can always be found though, Remus. You just have to look for it.'

**A/N: Whoo! so what do you think? I hope the beginning isn't too shabby. I don't usually like to think about Remus' life after October 1981, but it just became intriguing after a while. Please review and let me know what you think. I'll update soon. Cheers!**


	2. Goodbye

_N.O4 Privet Drive_

Dumbledore can not serious? What was he thinking placing Harry with these muggles? Remus had spent the past week wondering and waiting... Conveniently, it had taken Dumbledore longer than Remus hoped to set up his "_precautions_"- but it was worth it. It was worth finally seeing Harry again,

Even if it was Goodbye...

Remus had the pleasure of meeting Vernon and Petunia Dursley at one of Lily's family gatherings and that in itself proved to be a fiasco. Long story short: it ended in Remus and James holding Sirius back as he tried to take a swing at Vernon for insulting his lover's robes and scars.

At the time, the lycanthrope was shocked albeit grateful towards Sirius as these muggles were truly outrageous and were the complete epitome of rudeness, despite their pristine appearance and demeanour. Now, however, Remus couldn't help but wonder how he had never suspected Sirius before now. He had always been violent -but everyone just put that down to the way he was brought up.

But one could hardly forget the Snape incident...

Maybe the reason for his obliviousness was because Remus loved Sirius? And as much as the werewolf hates himself for it, he can not deny that, even after all of this, he still loves Sirius.

The Sirius he fell in love with was not a bad person. The Sirius he fell love with was loyal and caring (although he had a strange way of showing it). The Sirius he fell in love with would do anything for the people he cared about. That was the Sirius who said he loved Remus and that he would never stop.

_'It's you and me against the world, Moony.'_

He blinked back the tears that were sure to fall as Dumbledore knocked on the Dursley's door. If he was aware of Remus's lack of control, he did not show it. They heard a loud grumbling noise before the door opened to reveal a massive, purple faced man who appeared to have hardly any neck. His beady eyes looked weary and suspicious, like a bull dog protecting its territory.

'Oh, Its you.' He screwed his nose up at Remus' dishevelled clothes. 'Who's this tramp you've brought? I am not opening my house up to anymore of your lot and I can assure you I will not let anymore of these freaks-' He stopped mid-sentence and stared into the werewolf's eyes, shadowed by massive purple bags. Vernon took in the prominent scars around the other man's face; you could literally hear his brain click with familiarity as a vain above his left temple twitched dangerously.

'YOU!' Remus raised a sardonic eyebrow, impatiently as if in the presence of a slow-witted child.

'Yes, I am indeed me.' The vain snapped.

'YOU!' He repeated, 'What the hell are you doing here?!' He roared, shooting spittle at the werewolf. 'I swear, you better not have brought that bloody bastard with you!' He looked nervously around Remus's shoulder for a presence that clearly wasn't there. Dumbledore calmly broke the tense silence, after observing the lycanthrope's clenched fists.

'I assure you, Mr Dursley, that if you are referring to Sirius Black, he is most certainly not here of all places.' Vernon stared from Dumbledore to Remus, and to the latter's clenched fists and sneered.

'Finally had it with him, have you?' his gaze bore into Remus's now feral eyes, unflinching and found the suppressed emotions which lay beneath. 'Finally seeing your bitch, Black, for the worthless bastard he is? Mind, you aren't any better.' The last part came out as a hiss as he lowered his voice and stepped towards Remus who was now shaking with rage. 'Or...' he paused, snorting, 'Has he met the same sticky end as my nephew's parents?' He pronounced "Nephew" with particular spite. Remus did not know what froze him in his place. He did not know what stopped him punching the awful man's lights out right then but he was lucky-for Vernon's sake more than his- that he did. Dumbledore's smile vanished and his tone was surprisingly cold,

'Remus is here to see Harry, if you would kindly grant us entry to your house.' He held up a hand as Dursley opened his mouth to interrupt. 'Of course we could continue this little chat here; I imagine the neighbours will be very interested to hear what we have to say as well.' Vernon had the impression of a gormless goldfish before nodding vigorously and stepping aside for the two men to enter.

This house, Remus thought, was not a normal house. It was not natural for a house to be this spruce or pure. There was not a trace of dirt or dust anywhere. The walls of the hallway were filled with photo's of the three Dursley's alone. There was no proof what so ever that there was a fourth person living in this house. Remus turned having visually inspected the house for any sign of Harry and stared accusingly at Vernon.

'Where is Harry?'

Upon hearing the werewolf's voice, a shrill cry emitted from the cupboard underneigh the stairs to Remus's left. Surely not? That cry, in which he knew only too well of, having spent hours babysitting with Sir-

Instinctively, Remus opened the cupboard door to find, staring back at him, the emerald eyes of Harry James Potter. Instantly, the infant's cries stopped at the sight of his familiar friend and were replaced with childish giggles.

'MOONY!' he cries cheerfully, clapping his hands merrily, reaching his chubby fingers towards the said Moony.

Remus smiled his first proper smile to what seemed like forever. The small gesture was so foreign, it put strain on his young, albeit marked face. He scooped Harry up and gave him an Eskimo kiss.

'Hello young Prongslet.' He chuckled to which Harry giggled even more.

'Mooony Moo'y!' Harry stopped abruptly and looked around Remus' shoulder. 'Moony. Pa'foot?' A huge lump formed in the lycanthrope's throat as he then held Harry in a comforting embrace.

'Padfoot's not here, love.' He replied, running his hands through Harry's unruly ebony hair. Harry, clearly unsatisfied with the answer, asked,

'Mummy Daddy?' Both Remus and Harry's eyes were watering now. Harry's lip trembled.

'No, they're not here either, darling. I'm sorry.' Harry somehow understood his words as he started whining softly into Remus' neck. He rocked them both from left to right. 'I'm sorry, Harry. I am so so sorry.' Remus never wanted to let him go. Harry: so small; so innocent and so -like himself- alone. And for that moment, all that mattered in the world was the two of them as they shared their pain, loss and anguish.

They were both alone in his cruel world.

Harry wasn't meant to be alone, Remus said to himself. He had had a perfect family, who loved him to pieces, but now it was taken from him. Now he had the Dursley's, who couldn't care less. It was infuriating. Screw Dumbledore. This is not right.

'Why is he in a cupboard?' He spoke quietly as not to startle Harry, but his tone was dark enough to make Vernon and Petunia -who had appeared at a bottom of the stairs at some point during Remus and Harry's reunion- flinch. He rubbed Harry's back soothingly, waiting for their answer.

'What is it to you?' Petunia spat, looking like she had recently swallowed a lemon. Remus' glare was enough to shrivel a devil's Snare. She tried to recover yourself by spluttering an excuse, 'It... it was the only space in the house we could find at short notice.' Remus rose a sardonic eyebrow, clearly not amused with the answer.

'Really, is that so? Professor Dumbledore and I were under the impression that this house had three bedrooms that were capable of inhabiting a one year old infant more appropriately than that of a cupboard.' He nodded at Dumbledore for confirmation and continued,

'Even then, if this statement somehow proves false, I have yet to wonder why this stops Harry from sharing a room with either yourselves or your son,' he paused for breath. 'unless either of you have any contagious diseases that are not wanted to be passed on to Harry, in which case this situation would seem more plausible.'

Despite the calmness in his voice as he spoke, his words emitted fear in the two Dursley's, who hastily looked at each other, urging the other to respond. Finally, Vernon inhaled sharply and rose to his full height, which proved useless as he only made it to Remus' chin, and looked challengingly at the lycanthrope.

'How dare you, Sir! How dare you walk into my house barking accusations! Who the hell do you think you are?!' He boomed, causing Harry to start crying again. Remus took a step closer, towering over Vernon. He was sick of these Muggles.

'I am Remus John Lupin, and I have been there for Harry since the day he was born. I know what is best for this child and your presence is clearly not that. I came here today in the hope that I could say farewell to the closest thing I have to a family, and make sure he is being taken care of properly. Clearly,' He turned his gaze the Dumbledore, 'Leaving him in the hands of people like yourselves might have been a mistake.'

Dumbledore, who previously looked entranced in the convocation as though it were a muggle soap opera, stepped in before the Dursley's could protest further.

'Mr and Mrs Dursley, it appears that the letter I had placed with Harry when I left him in your care has either gone unrecognised or has been partly ignored. If you could please point me to the kitchen or dining room in which I can explain your situation properly, without any exceptions or excuses.'

He smiled pleasantly as Petunia hurriedly rushed past the wizard and into the dining room. Vernon squinted at Remus one last time, who returned the glare, and walked off after his wife. Dumbledore turned to follow the couple before quickly adding to the werewolf, 'Remus, I trust that I needn't remind you that Harry is not to leave this house. I trust your rationality, of course, but all the same.' and he was gone, leaving Remus and Harry alone.

'Of course he trusts me, it's not like it's an occupational hazard of turning into a monster once a month that people don't trust you.' His expression softened in sadness as he momentarily thought of Sirius and his accusations against him. Remus then brought his attention to the infant currently nuzzling his neck, relaxingly. 'Come on, love. Let's go sit in the living room, I'm afraid your Moony's getting old.' Harry's head shot up and stared at Remus bobbing up and down in his arms.

'Moony. Moony. Moony!' He squealed joyously.

Remus carried the hyper ball of black hair into the living room and sat down on the chair closest to the fire, bouncing Harry up on down on his lap.

'I'm sorry, Prongslet. I don't want to leave you with these people, but I'm afraid I don't have much say in the matter; I hope one day you and your parents can forgive me for that. We know Dumbledore means well and even though he can be really annoying sometimes, and we know he's rarely wrong about things like this, and if you are indeed safer with these...people... then I won't stand in his way.' He smiled at Harry sucking his thumb. 'Anyway, lets face it, living with ol' Moony would be quite the bore.' He chuckled as Harry then proceeded to look at Remus as though he just said that the moon was actually made out of cheese.

'Mooony?' Harry babbled questionably. Remus simply patted him on the head, before taking out his wand and transfiguring a nearby cushion into a toy wolf with light brown fur flaked with silver.

'For you, Harry. This way I can always be with you if you need me,' then he added in a whisper, 'unless your spoilt excuse of a cousin gets his sticky hands on him.' He winked, before abruptly taking a more serious tone as Harry gazed at him admirably,

'In the end, you can never find the right words that you've wanted to say for a while; I just hope that one day you'll forgive me for all of this. Can you do that for me, Harry, can you forgive me?' He asked, tilting his head to the side, questioningly.

Harry responded by leaning forward and mimicking Remus' previous action of patting him on the head, while nodding understandingly.

'Moony.' He spoke in a matter-of-factly tone, to which the werewolf let out a shaky bark of laughter at the infants expression. Harry then fell into Remus' chest clutching the toy Moony protectively between them.

Remus held the child close until he fell asleep peacefully in his arms. After a while, Remus got up and returned him, albeit reluctantly, to the cot in his _"bedroom"_. He traced the enlarged lightning bolt shaped mark on his forehead with his thumb before kissing it lightly.

'Good bye young Prongslet.' Inwardly cursing himself for his voice breaking. 'You're going to make everyone proud you know.' He then added in a whisper, tucking a soft, turquoise blanket around the one year old, 'but mostly mummy and daddy and me. We're proud of you the most and always have been.' He stood up to leave, wiping the stray tear from his cheek. 'I love you, Harry. Be safe.' Harry, unconsciously snuggled closer to the toy wolf, causing the werewolf to let out a watery chuckle, before making his way to the dining room.

He entered the room and put on his stoic expression, nodding once at Dumbledore.

'Well that should be everything Mr and Mrs Dursley, you understand all I have said I assume?' They nodded, dumbly. Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled. 'Well then that should be everything! Until next time: good day.'

* * *

'I visited Harry today.' He paused, 'Pleasantly surprised though, I never thought that Dumbledore would actually agree to it.' Remus was sat with the back of his head leant against the grave of his best friends, eyes closed. The night was chilly and Remus had lost all feeling in his fingers and toes -not that he cared much. He opened his eyes as he exhaled. The steam from his breath clouding his view for a couple of moments as it dissolved, leaving him to gaze at the millions of tiny stars looking down at him.

Remus always loved the stars. They were the light in his darkness. The warmth in all things cold and lifeless.

'He's safe, Harry, I hope you can see him, wherever you are...' A lump formed in his throat. He coughed back tears and continued, voice quivering and teeth chattering, 'He asked for you both, you know... God I don't know what to do Prongs! How could Dumbledore leave Harry with these people?!' He banged his fist on the ground angrily. 'They put him in a fucking cupboard, Lily! Your own sister!' He held his face in his trembling hands , rubbing his eyes fiercely. 'Prongs, what do I do? You were always the smart one; you always knew what to do...

'Dumbledore said that I can never visit Harry again, or have any contact with him until he says so.' H e growled in exasperation. 'I know he has his reasons, but god damn it, James, Lily, he's all I have left! Your son, how can they expect me to leave him with the Dursley's, family or not?' Met with the expected silence save the gentle howling of the wind, he sighed. 'But I have to, though. I know... It's what's best, I guess. Besides, he deserves better than me anyway. Even if it is the Dursley's that he's with, at least he's safe there.' He stood, wiping the dirt off his worn robes. 'I'm sorry guys.'

The rose he had placed on his first visit had begun to turn brown. He pursed his lips, before taking out his wand and, with shaking hands, transfigured it into a water lily while placing a charm on it, preserving it for a prolonged period of time.

Replacing his wand back into his robes, he ran his fingers through his dry hair, catching onto some knots in the process. 'I'm not going back to Hogwarts.' He stated, looking at the silver cursive engraved on the stone. 'I don't need pity, especially from Dumbledore, he's done too much for me and I don't deserve it anyway...' He placed a hand in his pocket and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. 'I don't know what to do... The flat's gone. I might go there first, see if there's everything left and then make my way from there.' He shifted nervously.

'I'll stop by and visit you two whenever I can, but for now, I don't know where the path will take me...' He let out a shaky breath, emitting a loud puff of steam and disapparated, to his past life.

To what he used to call home.

**So yeah... another chapter. I found out the existence of the 'Horizontal line' and got quite pleased with myself... *Awkward silence*... So, anyway... thanks for reading so far :)**


	3. Memories

Gone. Everything was gone.

Remus stood at the front gate and stared up at the crumbling remains of the flat he had once shared with his lover.

He walked forward and gently pushed open the blackened door which, miraculously, managed to stay on its hinges. The door did however send crusted flakes to the ground upon the contact, sending Remus into a fit of coughs as ash filled his nose and mouth.

When he regained himself, he took in the sight of what used to be his home. Furniture was ripped and burnt; photo's were smashed and singed. Nothing was salvageable.

He stumbled over the rubble from where part of the wall had been knocked down, and made his way to the bedroom. The four poster bed was cracked down the middle, exposing large chunks of wood and splinters. Remus figured there could possibly be more than one reason behind the particular favourable destruction of his bed; the intruders,after all, must have known of his and Sirius's relationship to deliberately dismantle their entire house, and from the inscription: _"Faggot Half-Breed"_ written on the prised wall next to the four poster (in what looked suspiciously like blood) all too well confirms that theory.

Then, focusing on the main reason he came to the flat, Remus traced the crack across the headboard of the bed with with his thumb before taking one of the larger chunks of wood and forcibly plunging the sharp end of it into said thumb. A small amount of blood erupted over the wound. Using the injured thumb, he traced the headboard as he did just moments ago, smearing the blood across it.

The blood stain remained only moments before dissolving into the umber wood. Replacing it, was a small, square cupboard, with more space than what was physically possible for a small headboard to hold.

Blood magic.

It acted as a safe, containing some essentials and some objects of sentimental value, in which only Sirius or Remus could open. Remus inspected the contents of the hidden cupboard. Inside was a sack containing around a hundred galleons; a first aid kit (mainly for post full moon treatments); a satchel containing around five books and two photo albums, and the newest edition to the safe/cupboard: a letter and a protectively wrapped up box.

These last two items were recently added by Sirius around two months ago, just before the trust between the two shattered.

_'Moony?' Sirius called, biting his bottom lip._

_'Yes Padfoot, love?' Remus replied, returning an intrigued but amused smile._

_'I'm putting a couple new things in our box.' Sirius did not need to explain further, as Remus knew exactly what box Sirius was referring to. The lycanthrope merely nodded, urging Sirius to continue. 'It's... it's just a box and a letter really, nothing to get worked up about.' He rambled, throwing his limbs in peculiar directions. Remus smiled, Sirius was always flamboyant and skittish when he was nervous._

_'I see, Padfoot, though I can not fathom why YOU are getting worked up about it? What's inside the letter or box that is so mysterious?' holding onto the "so" longer than necessary. Sirius bit his lip again._

_'Well, Moony that's the thing... I can't tell you what's in the box.' He paused and stared at his feet when Remus shot him a questioning look. 'You know I hate us keeping secrets from each other, Moony... but I need you to promise me that you won't open it until the time is right.' Remus's eyebrow shot up. 'That's right, I'm putting them in here for you to open and you only, Remus, but only when the it's the right time. You'll know when that is. It's for when you're at your lowest, I guess; if you ever get to the point where you feel that there is nothing else worth fighting for anymore.' He stopped there, he was rambling and sounding rather suspicious._

_'You make it sound as if this is going to happen soon, Sirius.' Remus's face was screwed up in concentration and contemplation, 'You make it sound as if you know this is going to happen... to me... and even if it did, where would you be?' Sirius's eyes widened, briefly, but then grew gentler and softer._

_'We're in the middle of a war, Moony and we don't know what's going to happen. Any day could may well be our last and I want to make sure that if I go, you'll be all right without me.' Remus didn't look reassured, his frown only deepened._

_'I don't know if I could cope without you, Pads' The corner of Sirius's mouth twitched upwards in response. _

_'Promise me, Remus. That you won't open it until the time is right... please?' Remus sighed, what an odd convocation._

_'I promise, Padfoot.' He took Sirius's hand in his and squeezed lightly in reassurance._

_'Thank you... and Moony,'_

_'Hm?'_

_'I-I love you, no matter what happens between us, I'd still love you.' He blushed and looked away embarrassed. Remus dismissed the peculiar body language Sirius was portraying and kissed his forehead, soothingly._

_'Ditto, Padfoot.' Sirius looked up suddenly, grey eyes swimming in worry. Remus knew the expression well and sighed in exasperation and pity. It was Sirius's "You-didn't-say-it-back" expression that he wore a lot now. Remus cupped Sirius's face in his hands and looked him squarely in the eyes._

_'I love you, Sirius, with all of my heart.' The expression softened, and was replaced by a timid smile. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus's waist and snuggled into his chest, lovingly. _

Remus shook his head, returning from his recollections and hastily deposited the safes contents into the satchel (after placing an extendible charm on the bag). With one last, saddened look at the place he once called home, the werewolf disapparated to Hogsmeade.

* * *

'Ah, Remus. Good to see you, it's been a while.' Rosmerta paused, mentally deciding whether to say something to the broken, young man in front of her. 'You must know, Remus love, that everyone is deeply sorry for your loss. Terrible... especially what Black did, awfully terrible. I don't blame you of course, despite what some people say. None of us even suspected-' She broke off catching his sorrowful but questioning stare.

She patted his hand that was resting on the cool surface of the bar. His hand was disturbingly thin, enhancing the already prominent veins that lay etched upon his scarred flesh. What could have caused such marks? She used to wonder. She had been unaware of Lupin's lycanthropy until the Prophet spilled it all and yet her opinion of the man before her had not changed -besides the fact that maybe she had more respect for him as he was clearly anything but the stereotypical werewolf that society often described his kind as.

From his obliviousness and befuddlement at her words, Rosmerta could tell he hadn't been reading the Prophet, or else he would have understood completely.

She then pushed forward an issue of the Daily Prophet from around a week ago and continued calmly, 'Take it, you might want to read it later.' He nodded once and grasped the newspaper, placing it in his satchel. 'I suppose you want a room?' She asked, 'I have one spare. Right at the top to the left.' He watched him, pity in her eyes, waiting for his answer. He met her gaze and responded verbally for the first time,

'Thank you, Rosmerta. That is kind of you... how much?' He bit his lip nervously. Rosmerta took in the shabbiness of his robes and the patches under his eyes and sighed.

'For you, Remus, I am willing to go to five galleons a night.' He looked grateful, albeit a little affronted.

'Are you sure? That seems awfully low?' The barmaid's eyes widened.

'Nonsense!' He raised an eyebrow at her hastiness in replying. Rosmerta shook her head. 'Nonsense,' she repeated, 'No, you just stay here as long as you need.'

She placed a bronze key into his hand. He nodded once in thanks and attempted a smile (which didn't quite work); pulled five galleons from the inside of his robes, placing it on the counter in front of the barmaid and turned to leave. Rosmerta quickly grabbed his wrist -also too thin for her liking- and spoke softly, 'I really am sorry, Remus.' Sensing his layer of guilt that he continuously carried around; blaming himself for the sins of a heartless murderer, she added, 'You couldn't have known, you know. None of us suspected Sirius and despite what you might hear, not everyone is against you.' He pondered her words for a moment and shook his arm away lightly, without force. He swallowed roughly and spoke, as though all words caused him pain.

'I know... Thank you again Rosmerta, you've always been very kind to us...' His eyes darkened slightly but he, again, tried covering it up with a crooked smile (an attempt which also didn't quite work) and finished, 'Thank you for allowing me to stay.' And with that, he turned and left for his designated room. Rosmerta stared after him for a moment and called out,

'Anytime, Remus.'

* * *

_**'Sirius Black's Black Heart' **_

Remus read, resting at the desk by the window of his room in the Three Broomsticks. This Prophet was from the 2nd of November but he read it anyway. He let out a shaky breath. The article about Sirius was the only other story to take up the front page besides the news of Voldemort's downfall. He turned to the page that contained the full article and read on.

_'Sirius Black, newly recognized Death Eater, was sentenced to life in Azkaban yesterday evening, for the murder of fellow wizard, Peter Pettigrew, as well as the murder of 12 Muggles and general alliance to He Who Must Not Be Named -now presumably deceased (full article on pages1-3). _

_'Black was sent to Azkaban without trial two days following the downfall of You Know Who. After being found at the sight of the murder of the twelve muggles by Ministry workers, Black was apprehended without struggle and was, quite disturbingly, seen laughing manically as he was taken away by officials. _

_'"It was a God awful sight to witness; you could see the lunacy and instability in his eyes, it was purely unnerving!" -said a Ministry worker who chose to remain unnamed._

_The new found truth of Black's true loyalties to You Know Who are particularly befuddling to comprehend as Pettigrew happened to be one of Black's old Hogwarts friends, along with James and Lily Potter (recently deceased at the hands of You Know Who him self (it is likely Black also shares credit in their death, although it is unknown whether this is true at this stage (refer to pages 1-3))._

_'Despite these revelations, another school-yard friend of Black's could lead to the possibility that could explain why Black converted to the dark side. _

_'Werewolf, Remus Lupin, is known for having relations with Black throughout their Hogwarts years and beyond, though the extent of intimacy their relationship holds is unknown. _

_'Werewolves are seen as Dark Creatures that can not be trusted near humans and were seen as allies to He Who Must Not Be Named in his prime, following the known alliance of Fenir Greyback (For details on Werewolves and other Dark creatures, turn to page 12). Given this information, we are lead to believe that the werewolf in question (Lupin) may have something to do with the new-found loyalties Sirius Black has now accustomed. Due to this, Lupin is now favourable for questioning.' _

Remus let out a cry of disgust. He knew peoples belief's of his kind were prejudiced and unfair, but this was going too far.

_'Unfortunately, no one has been in contact with Lupin since before the 31__st__ October and it is unknown his whereabouts.'_

Finishing the article, Remus leant back in his chair, this face remaining passive of any emotion. He felt numb and dead. How dare they! Words could not describe the anger he felt. Not only did they release private information about him that people could use to further make his life a living hell, but they actually managed to accuse him of participating in the Dart Arts and aiding to Sirius's betrayal -because of what he is...

It was abhorrent how low people would sink.

He gazed out of the window and to the starry night above him the waxing crescent moon gleaming along with the dazzling stars. He wanted nothing more than to fly away from this; from life...

His life, which had now, since that fateful Hallowe'en night, changed forever.

* * *

Remus lived in Rosmerta's inn for a week. He wanted to stay longer, but he knew he was taking advantage of her generosity in regard to the massive discount she gave him for rent. He was not stupid, he knew what she was doing.

Pity.

He packed up his things heavily, not wanting to leave his temporary home. In the week he stayed there, he had only left his room for meals -he knew Rosmerta was keeping an eye on him and therefore did not want her to worry. What the barmaid did not know however, was that whatever meal Remus ate would be thrown up when he returned to his room. It wasn't deliberate, Remus reasoned, it's just this whole ordeal would render anyone with a lack of appetite.

He sighed as he put his books back in his satchel, dully noting that the spine was wearing on his old copy of _The adventures of Sherlock Holmes _and there was also a firewhiskey stain on _The strange case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. _

Until last week, Remus had sworn never to consume any type of alcoholic beverage, besides butterbeer (which was mild at best), after watching James and Sirius's drunken shenanigans lead to Sirius thinking he could fly and thus began contemplating a jump out of the window in Gryffindor tower -he always had been a bit of a flight risk- while James decided to give him a push when he hesitated (it was worth noting James probably was not as drunk as he claimed he was). The situation, therefore, ended with Remus quickly casting an _Arresto Momentum _on his boyfriend moments before Sirius hit the floor and became a puddle of soup with his usually immaculate hair as the topping of the said Sirius soup.

Despite this, given recent events, Remus decided to take up alcoholism as a new career path, thinking that the bitter taste will somehow wash his depressing life away. The rational part of Remus' brain (which sounded suspiciously like Lily) argued that this new coping mechanism was purely... stupid, and that it was completely unlike the usually logical man to become so washed up in this. After hearing this though, the other part of Remus's brain (probably the intoxicated part that had been exposed to Sirius for too long to be considered healthy in the past ten years) told the former where to shove it an proceeded to buy another bottle of beloved firewhiskey.

The last thing for Remus to pack was a worn photo album, which lay on the newly made bed. Remus, delaying his leave as much as he possibly could, grabbed the album; sat down on the bed and started flicking through the pages.

It was a present from Lily at graduation for Remus and Sirius. With the help of the Marauder's and Remus and James' parents, she was easily able to fill the album.

Remus turned to the seventh page, knowing that one of his favourites lay upon the its smooth surface. He traced the edge of the frame, reminiscing. The photo was of the _"Marauder's Tree" _by the Black lake at Hogwarts in seventh year.

James and Peter were sat between the roots at the bottom, while Lily sat in James's lap. Peter watched with envy at the intimacy the former two had, which he would probably never have himself. James had a look of utter devotion in his eyes as Lily stroked his hair, with equal loving.

_True Love._

The only words Remus could describe it as, as he stared into their once happy faces. He let his eyes wonder from the bottom of the tree, to the first branch. In a similar fashion, sat Remus and Sirius. Remus sat with his back against the trunk, reading a book, while Sirius sat, one leg hanging limply from the branch and the other tangled with Remus' as he, like Lily, stroked Remus's hair. As the picture progressed, Sirius's hand gradually made its way down to trace the scars that lay etched upon his young face. It was only then that Remus looked up from his book to grasp Sirius's hand gently and place soft kisses on his wrist. Sirius, in return, then placed a deep kiss on Remus's lips. The latter's eyes fluttered closed as he placed a hand on Sirius's neck.

Remus stared at the photograph, placing a trembling finger upon his dry, chapped lips. He remembered that kiss and what he thought at the time: he had never wanted that moment to end. As Remus stared at their innocent faces, tears glassed his eyes up as he wanted nothing more than to go back to that precise moment and live it over and over again. Before the war; before the betrayal.

_Beautiful. _

Smiling serenely, he closed the photo album and placed it in his bag and left his room to return the key to the bar.

Looking at the photograph placed Remus in high spirits, although it was short lived as he exited the Three Broomsticks and set forth into the streets of Hogsmeade, now covered in a layer of snow, waiting the looks of disgust that locals would surely give him as he passed.

* * *

**There we go another really depressing chapter and it doesn't really change for the better I'm afraid... Please review, I hope I'm not too awful...**


	4. Embittered

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is life, but it's not mine.

* * *

'Half-breed!'

'Faggot werewolf!'

'Fucking sick!'

'They shouldn't let it walk the street, fucking disgusting!'

'Go die, you filthy piece of shit!'

An ice ball was thrown at the back of his head with such force, that Remus was thrown off his feet. He landed with a sickening thud in a pile slush near the Hogshead. Remus's head was pounding as the locals laughed and jeered at him as he sat in the freezing snow and mud. Children began poking sticks at him as he struggled to find his feet. His face remained stoic as he continued down the streets; the taunters had began to follow him.

_This isn't life?_ He thought to himself as more snowballs came pummelling towards him. The lycanthrope realised then that it was the first time he had been seen properly in normal day to day life by wizards since before Halloween; the only people to have see him before now were Dumbledore, Rosmerta, Harry and the Dursley's. Remus quickly remembered the lesson that he had learnt quite young in life: that not all wizards were as kind as Dumbledore, as he was exposed to the insults continuously thrown at him at the present time.

He walked aimlessly, ignoring the calls, until he was roughly grabbed by the scruff of his neck and shoved into an alleyway.

He was backed into a corner, back against the crumbling wall, surrounded by five wizards, dressed in black cloaks with the hoods up. Their faces were undistinguishable beneath the shadow of their hoods. The alleyway had such a foul stench of sewage that Remus felt dirty just being in its presence. As a werewolf, Remus's sense of smell was much more acute than that of a normal human and he screwed his nose up at the smell of the sweat and alcohol that was given off by the five figures in front of him. He wasn't getting out of this one anytime soon...

His head was shoved viciously against the wall when he realised that one of them had been addressing him -his usually impeccable hearing was failing him due to his fatigue and recent blow to the head.

'What?' He slurred, placing a cool hand to the back of his head. One of the figures growled impatiently, in a vain attempt to sound threatening.

_"You call that a growl? I'll show you a growl"_ (the same part of his brain that, yet again, had probably been influenced a lot by James and Sirius mentally replied).

'I said: how does it feel to have the whole world hate you, Werewolf? How does it feel to be so unwanted? For even children to be sickened by your very presence?!' Remus was not going to humour them with a response. This lack of retaliation, however, did not lead to an any better outcome for the unfortunate lycanthrope.

He was kneed in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him as he slid down the wall, struggling to keep his footing. Two unfamiliar pairs of arms grabbed each of his, holding him up as the remaining three took turns at beating him. Remus's knees buckled under the pressure of each blow and he lay limp in the arms of the two associates. He began slipping from consciousness as the wall behind him was stained in scarlet from the blood forming dripping the back of his head. Just as his eyes began to close, a mirthless voice whispered in his ear,

'Say hello to my wife's estranged cousin when you join him, you rotten fag.' Dull grey eyes bore into his and right then Remus knew.

'Malfoy.' he rasped out. Lucius smiled, showing a set of yellowing teeth.

'That's right Lupin. Don't know if you've been reading the Prophet lately, their saying a lot of things about you... tut tut...' He mocked, clicking his tongue. Remus used what little energy he had to spit in the ghastly man's face, wiping the smirk clean off him.

Malfoy rose a gloved hand to wipe the saliva, then used the same hand to backhand Remus across his already bruising face. He hissed, 'I think, it's time we pay a visit to the Ministry.'

Even in his hazed consciousness, Remus knew why Malfoy was doing this (besides the sadistic pleasure): Malfoy was not exactly a favourite at the Ministry at the moment either (what with the whole Death Eater thing); bringing Remus in for questioning would, no doubt, soften the possible punishment that might follow if Malfoy did not play his cards right, which was unlikely.

Once a snake, always a snake...

The last sound Remus heard was the snapping of fingers followed by a loud blow to the side of his head.

Darkness consumed him, swallowing him whole.

* * *

Remus awoke to find himself strapped to a cold, metal chair in a dusty, coal black room. The leather bonds were gripping painfully into his wrists and ankles. He could feel the absence of his wand which usually sat on the inside of his robes. Across the room, despite his blurry vision, he spotted his satchel and said wand; he also spotted the pair of feet standing beside them.

It was then, Remus realized that he was not alone.

He looked up properly at the room for the first time as his vision cleared. He was met with several pairs of eyes trained on him, staring like a hawk trained on its prey. Ministry officials, Remus guessed. The room was circular and eerily cold. He looked up to find a lone dementor hovering above the wizards, hungrily. Remus, through clever deduction, had come to the conclusion that he was, indeed, at a hearing.

More importantly: his hearing.

'Remus John Lupin?' His eyes followed the speaker, coming to rest on none other than Barty Couch, sat in the magistrates position. He swallowed nervously, and nodded. 'Are you aware of why you are there?' Remus thought about the question, and found his voice.

'Possibly, albeit I'm not entirely sure...' His authoritative voice echoed off the walls with confidence. His words were lies, however, he knew why he was here.

His calm, collected demeanour was, of course, a façade; he was not going to show them his steadily growing fear, as he watched the Dementor, out of the corner of his eyes, circling him. Barty glared at Remus before replying,

'Very well. Remus Lupin, you are here for questioning, under the suspicions that you have been taking part in various Death Eater activities.'

'I figured as much.' Remus fired back, his emerald eyes flaming like the wolf's. His lips were pressed together so thin, he would have given McGonagall a run for her money. 'Under what pretences have you brought me here? What evidence do you have besides my lycanthropy?'

Crouch was taken aback, but he quickly regained himself, although not before another voice spoke; a calmer, more familiar voice.

'Strangely enough Barty, this seems like Deja Vu... in regard to our earlier conversation that is.' Remus sighed, finally, the voice of reason: Albus Dumbledore.

'And I can assure you Dumbledore, the Ministry had every right to bring the werewolf in for questioning. What evidence is there that it is not in fact, a Death Eater?' Dumbledore gave Crouch a omniscient smile and fixed his twinkling blue eyes on Remus.

'Mr Lupin, I am going to realise one of your bonds. When I do so, you are not to try and break free or try anything. Do you understand?' Remus nodded reassuringly. He knew it was important for Dumbledore not to show favouritism in his position and therefore he must be treated like any other _"Prisoner"_, or in his case _"werewolf"_.

Dumbledore raised his wand and loosened one of Remus's arms, He flexed his wrist where the bonds had reddened his ashen skin. Dumbledore then flicked this wand again and the sleeve of Remus's robes rolled up, exposing a clear, save for his scars, forearm. Dumbledore smiled and then turned back to Crouch. 'Evidence enough, Barty?' Crouch looked like a child who was told he could not have any dessert; evident anger spread across his face.

'No Dark Mark.' Crouch muttered disappointed. He glared at Remus in disgust, while Remus glared right back in triumph, his forearm still exposed. For once he did not want to hide away. For once he wanted them to look; to see his scars.

'You may label me as a dark creature, Mr Crouch, but I am human and I know morals, and right from wrong. I do not follow the stereotypes you all assume when meeting a werewolf. I have never, not once, wanted to join Voldemort-' Several wizards and witches flinched and hissed at the name, '-he destroyed what little happiness my life held...and I'd have sooner died than join him.' Remus finished his rant breathing heavily. Dumbledore, humming in agreement, offered his opinion.

'You seem to have blown this a tiny bit out of proportion, Barty. An entire Wizengamot trial, under the pretence of rumours and prejudice, and because of Mr Malfoy, who brought him there -and may I remind you he is also due for questioning.'

Barty gave the impression of one who had recently taken a powerful blow to the head by a bludger. He took the papers underneath his hands and banged them in frustration on his desk in an attempt to neaten them, but managing to only crease the edges further.

'Fine, Dumbledore! Have it your way, but if I ever see it-' He gestured to Remus in disgust, 'in the Ministry for reasons like this again, I will not be so lenient.' He finished bluntly, looking down his nose at Remus.

_Yeah, "Lenient" would require me to actually commit a crime; something_ _atrocious, as opposed to me actually trying to get on with my miserable life, which is proving rather hard as evident from this morning's events, _Remus thought cynically.

'Therefore, it is with regret,' Crouch continued, making a point of looking anywhere but the lycanthrope, 'that it is no longer relevant to keep it here any longer.' He then locked his eyes onto Remus' challengingly, who stared back with equal hatred. 'You are free to go, Lupin.'He then stood abruptly and left the courtroom in what can only be described as being "in a huff". Remus stared at the vacated chair in which Crouch was recently sat.

What a befuddling day, he thought to himself.

He looked around at the remaining wizards, trying to catch Dumbledore's gaze. When he found it, Remus nodded in thanks towards the Professor and attempted a smile -which turned out to look more like a painful twitch at the side of his lips. Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling as he smiled back, before getting up and gliding towards Remus (who was still tied to his chair as no one seemed to have the decency to untie him, or even go near him for that matter). Dumbledore raised his wand and released the werewolf, who subconsciously rubbed his swollen wrists, and asked softly,

'I'm sorry about this, Remus. How are you?'

'Fine, thank you.' Remus replied a little too quickly. He bit his lip hard enough to taste copper. The professor, however, merely looked thoughtful.

'hmm... are you sure Remus? Where are you planning on living now, if you don't mind me asking? Rosmerta owled me a few days ago to inform me that you left The Three Broomsticks, you know how she used to always worry when it came to the infamous "Marauders", I hope you understand our concern.' Remus felt a growl rise in his throat and he gripped the sides of the metal chair, turning his knuckles and fingers white.

He was sick of this, all of this.

'I understand and appreciate all of your concern, really I do, but honestly I am fine.' He lied, 'I don't need mollycoddling just because everyone I have ever loved is either dead and taken away from me.' He took a deep breath. It was all coming out now; everything, 'You all tell me you'll be here for me, or that life will get better, but really, it never will. My life is over. The world hates me and I it and I am better off not in it. I want all of this to end!' and with that he ran from the court room, not even sparing a glance at his discarded possessions in the corner, and gaining a number of shocked looks from various witches and wizards.

Dumbledore stared after Remus and sighed in exasperation and concern. He needed to find him, and quick. All logic had been abandoned by the werewolf and his actions now could lead to drastic consequences for Remus, he was not in his right head at the moment.

The wise wizard glided hastily after Remus -even through his worried state, his presence could still calm every wizard and witch in his path. Dumbledore knew where he was going. The only place that could draw Remus's incoherent mind towards it in his current state. A place with dark memories. A place where, previously, Remus had often locked himself up in his school days as he shared the same thoughts like those he did now...

The shrieking Shack...

* * *

**Dun Dun Dunn! The end of yet another dismal chapter. Poor Remus. I wasn't too sure about the Ministry thing, but lets see what you think, eh? The next chapter is probably going to be the most depressing, most likely because I'm just so evil and sadistic like that *sighs* So anyway, reviews appreciated. **


	5. Back to Black

Warnings: Suicidal, mentally unstable werewolf..

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is life, but it's not mine

* * *

Remus curled in on himself, his forehead resting against his knees, and sobbed uncontrollably; tremors racked through his lithe body like electricity. The side of his ashen face was pressed against the dusty floorboards that were stained deep purple from years of torture inflicted by the wolf.

But Remus still had five days before that horror was released... it was soon, but not soon enough for the lycanthrope.

The wolf would surely kill him given its chance, after all that has happened. The loss of its pack; its mate. But why does it have to be _Moony_ that has to end it all?

Why couldn't _Remus_ to do it instead?

Moony had controlled Remus's life for so long. Too long...

But not this time. This time Remus would do it. He would take control of his own life and stop the wolf from ever doing anything to him or anyone else again...

He stared blankly ahead. He had not had thoughts like these since his school days, back when he would venture to the Shack -not in his right mind- when things got too much for him, when he needed release from the world. This time though, his friends would not appear to help him; to stop him; to save him...

Sirius could no longer save him...

_A figure emerged in the room silently and stood in the doorway as he watched the scene before him. He was tall, with locks of shoulder length ebony hair that were cascading down his face as he watched his friend in worry (and very uncharacteristic patience). His friend -currently positioned at the centre of the room- was slightly shorter (although __he looked due for his growth spurt pretty soon) __and was considerably paler than the former. His golden brown hair that was flecked with premature greyness, despite his youth, was ruffled and knotted. Objects flew around his head as the furniture around him seemed to shatter and break under his piercing glare. Wandless magic. During his destruction, he stood rooted on the spot, shaking in a fit of rage, which was uncommon for the younger Remus. _

_Breathing deeply and ruggedly, he turned to the figure in the doorway -Sirius- and stared at him frustratingly before asking in forced calmness, although his voice shook considerably,_

_'Why do we live, Sirius?' the black haired boy winced at the tone in which Remus had addressed him. His usually calm, tranquil Remus had gone, replaced by something else. Not quite human, albeit not quite wolf. 'Why am I alive, Sirius? I don't want to be alive! All they do is gradually bite away bits of my life; all they do is slowly torture me into madness, making me think, over and over again, that I'll be able to have a chance at a normal life... But they're all liars!' _

_His voice cracked and all decency to keep his voice down were lost. He shouted, 'Why do they keep me here, Padfoot? The world takes pleasure from my misery! I am not living, I am existing! I have no future! That has been taken away from me! I have no purpose here and I just want it to stop!' Tears were brimming in his eyes, making them shine like emeralds, despite the lack of light present in the room. _

_Cautiously, Sirius stepped forward and held Remus's bloodied wrists in his hands, rubbing the torn flesh with his thumbs soothingly. He gazed into those flaming green eyes, as he answered softly and consolingly,_

_'You survive to beat all the odds, Moony. You live to show the world that you can beat it-' He was cut off abruptly as Remus flinched away from his grip and faced the ground, digging his fists into his brown hair, grasping and yanking chunks out in frustration. He had heard that response before many many times. He did not believe it the first time and he did not believe it now. He shook his head viciously, __franticly __repeating 'No, no, no, no!'._

_Sirius, finding the sight of Remus -his Remus- trying to further injure himself unbearable, urgently prised Remus's hands away from his head, which were still clutching small chunks of hair, and took his chin with his hand, forcing Remus to look up at him. Sirius used his free hand to caress Remus's cheek, soothingly, before kissing him gently on the lips. Remus's eyes fluttered at the touch and whimpered slightly when Sirius pulled away to whisper,_

_'Moony, by being alive you keep me alive, and always will. You were the only thing that has ever kept me going when life got so shit, with home and everything. I didn't want to carry on then, but I did. I lived for you, Remus... can -I know this is asking a lot of you and it isn't my place, I'm sorry- but could you stop all this, and c-could you live... for me? Together.' _

_The objects flying around Remus's head came clattering down to the floor as he wrapped his arms around Sirius's neck and sobbed uncontrollably into his warm, furiously beating chest._

_'I don't think I can do this anymore, Pads...' He moaned as Sirius stroked his now uneven, lumpy hair. _

_'You can do it, Remus. I believe you can; you're stronger than all of us Marauders put together.' He kissed the werewolf's forehead.'And I promise, no matter what, I'll always be here for you.'_

Remus' pupils dilated into slits so small they were almost undistinguishable. He stared, transfixed, at the shiny object at the centre of his vision. It was a mirror, well a broken mirror. One shard was all that remained -it was about the size of a large blade- and stood out against its brown backboard. The rest of the mirror was no where to be seen, it was most likely Prongs that took it upon himself to move any of the other dangerous pieces left after Moony had probably smashed it during a transformation.

Remus stood, eyes never leaving the sparkling shard as he stumbled towards it, yanking it away from its frame with ease.

He twirled the shard, absent-mindedly in his hands with familiarity to what he was about to do. Stopping him however, was a transparent hand forming in front of him.

Was he hallucinating?

The hand grasped his wrist, and rubbed circles with its long thumb; tracing the silver scars that had not been made by the wolf. Remus let out a shaky breath and looked up into the stormy grey eyes of his former lover.

Sirius had a calm demeanour, only his eyes betrayed him as the stormy grey swirled in aggravation, yet concern at the same time. His expression looked mature -an unusual look for him- but it suited him none the less, and perhaps made him look slightly older. Remus stared back at Sirius stoically, for once uncaring.

Sirius was not going to get in the way. Not this time.

'Remus, think about what you're doing. You can't do this, not again.' His voice was raspy from misuse, but was otherwise clear as day. The sound rang in Remus's ears.

'Why not?' He challenged. Sirius sighed.

'You don't want to do this, we both know that. You promised me you wouldn't do this again, Moony.' He tightened his hold on Remus's wrist but the latter pulled his arm free, forcefully. Sirius was now fully opaque, unlike before, as if he was really here with him, but Remus knew better.

'Don't call me that. You're not here, Sirius. You don't care. You never did... just leave me alone!' He squeezed his eyes closed.

_He can not see him. Sirius is not there. He can not see him. Sirius is not there..._

_But he was seeing him. Sirius was there. Sirius had touched him. And it had felt real._

'I do care Moony, more than you'll ever know...'

'I said: LEAVE ME ALONE!' Remus roared. He opened his eyes to see Sirius, still there, but his lips were sealed in defeat as he grudgingly backed away out of arms reach. Remus could not bring himself to care about Sirius's presence as long as he kept his mouth shut. Anyway, thinking about it, Remus wanted Sirius to see this. He wanted Sirius to see what he had done.

He sneered (an expression which did not belong on his face) and whispered in a gruff voice, 'I can't do this again? Eh? You'll always be there to help, Pads? Defeat the odds and all that shit? Well it's too late Padfoot; what are you going to do? You defeated the odds the day you took away everyone I ever loved... this is your fault. You did this.' He rolled up the sleeves of his robes to his elbows and took a deep, shaky breath and focused on his target.

Never looking up at the man he had never stopped loving, he muttered, 'Good bye Sirius.' Sirius rushed forward, arms outstretched but it was too late. Sirius could only watch in horror as Remus had brought the jagged shard down and sliced open his right wrist. The lycanthrope went numb; only a slight prickling feeling could be felt as blood oozed from the wound at an alarmingly unnatural rate, but for Remus, the pain was not satisfying enough. He growled, placing the mirror in his other hand, and exposed his other forearm.

He struck again, this time his left arm. He pierced the skin at the carpal tunnel (Specks of blood already forming at the top) and dug it through his vein, pulling the stained shard of mirror out at the inside of his elbow. Blood trickled out of the frightfully deep wound and he sighed in relief.

He had felt this one. This one had hurt.

It felt good, he thought.

He threw his head back and groaned as he collapsed to his knees. Distantly, he could hear a choked sob coming from a now transparent Sirius, who had began to dissolve into nothing. Blood poured out of his wounds, Crimson pools stained the wooden floor like a waterfall of scarlet. It was positively beautiful to Remus as he watched everything pour out of him. The sight of his blood, staining his flesh from ivory to scarlet, was bliss. Despite this sentimental peace, Remus began to feel dizzy. He had lost more blood than he had most of his transformations, save one: the unspeakable one.

He felt light-headed and his vision began to go blurry, objects dancing around the air blending into one another; a collage of colours and tones. Knowing what was coming next, he smiled peacefully, and closed his eyes. He spread his bloody arms in welcome; greeting death with open arms. Now was the moment. Now, he would be free of this cruel world, free from all its pain and anguish, free from Sirius...

CRACK.

Remus's eyes shot open. No! This can not be happening. This was not supposed to happen!

No!

He wanted to move, but his starved limbs prevented him from doing so. He could only stare sadly up at the sea of purple material that swam before his eyes.

The purple robes of his so called saviour was the last thing he saw before blackness emerged and engulfed him whole...

* * *

'AARRRRGGGHHH!'

A tenor scream joined the harmony of wailing shrieks made by the other prisoners as Sirius Black awoke shaking, from a nightmare that appeared to be only too real. This one was not a memory, or a regretful action on his behalf that had caused Sirius, and others that he loved more than anything else, pain. No. This one definitely felt real. One word, one thought came to his mind.

Remus.

Was Remus was okay? If his nightmare was indeed as real as he dared to believe, then Remus would surely be...

No.

Sirius would not accept it. Remus would never do that. Not again. He wouldn't.

A dementor passed his cell, absorbing what little warmth Sirius had and forcing its prisoner to recollect his disturbing dream.

_Sirius felt the frail, too-thin wrist beneath his palm. The wrist that had shook weakly as the pressure placed upon it increased, pleading him to think about what he was doing. _

The Dementor, sensing Sirius's displeasure, hungered for more and placed its scabbed hands on the bars of his cell. It devoured on his emotion, feasting on Sirius's hopelessness and worry for his lover.

Sirius cried out.

_Visions of a reflected blade, which drove through pale forearms. Remus's forearms. It was done with practiced ease, driven by such anger and determination that it would be on sheer luck alone which would cause the owner to survive its force. _

'Remus would never do that...' Sirius mumbled, tears streaming down his face as he grasped his head in his hands, as if trying to push the recollection away. It did not.

_Blood... so much blood, turning ivory flesh scarlet. _

Sirius vomited on the cold floor, still clutching his head. Remus was the smart one. The logical one. Remus was always stronger, he would never. His visions intensified and he screamed out once more.

_His eyes. His beautiful emerald eyes, closing in pleasure as the blood meandered down his arms and onto his patched robes. _

'Stop it. Stop it. Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!' Sirius pleaded as the Dementor squeezed its head through the bars of the cell to divulge further on the convicts misery.

_He smiled then, welcoming it. Wanting to be embraced by the cold arms of death itself. His smile also looked triumphant, albeit slightly deranged as his previous, final words still hung in the air._

'Please...' he pleaded through sobs.

_'Good bye Sirius...'_

'NO!'

He was light-headed as a familiar sensation swam through him. Sirius opened his eyes -not knowing when he had closed them- to see black fur around his vision. He looked at his supposed hands to find paws in their place. All that anger and all that longing of hope, exploded into the one thing that might possibly save him in this hell-hole...

Padfoot.

At this new discovery, Sirius realised that the dementor had lost interest and had glided away. Relieved, Padfoot trotted hastily to the corner of his cell and curled up on himself, sneezing in little doggy cries.

"Please let it just be a dream. Please let it just be a dream. I cant loose him too..." He repeated in his head. Whimpering, Padfoot squeezed his eyes shut.

"I can't loose you as well, Moony..."

* * *

Remus awoke slowly; the smell of disinfectant filled his nose, causing him to cough abruptly. That proved to be a bad idea as his muscles, bones, organs -basically everything in general- hurt everywhere.

He opened his eyes to find a blinding light at the centre of his vision. Remus screwed up his eyes, adjusting to the light and turned his head to the side. He caught a shadow in the chair opposite him, grey eyes staring at him behind curtains of beautiful ebony hair. Remus shook his head, pulling a strained muscle in his neck. He ironically howled quietly and looked back to find the chair unoccupied.

"You're loosing your nut, Lupin." Twitching the corners of his mouth upwards in a relieved, but amused smile as he looked around the rest of his room.

He was in the Hospital wing at Hogwarts, he knew that much. He could distinguish the smell anywhere. The question is: why was he at...

Oh...

Oh dear...

In realisation, Remus's eyes dropped down to his right arm which was thickly bandaged, and then to his left, which was also covered in thick bandages from his palm to half way up his upper arm.

'Oh Merlin's fucking balls...' He muttered as he heard heels against the tiled floor and the curtains around his bed being opened.

'Glad to see you're awake Mr Lupin, but I must refrain from allowing you to use such colourful language when the ears of the other students occupying this Hospital Wing are within proximity.' Remus looked up from his arms and into the gaze of disapproval that Madam Pomfrey gave.

His eyes lowered downwards like a scolded child after her next words, 'I am very disappointed in you Remus...' They were not told with malice or accusation, but she sounded forlorn and downcast. Remus had never felt so low (well, not quite) and closed his eyes in guilt.

Two new sets of footsteps could be heard from the distance, making their way over to his bed.

'Good morning, Remus.' The werewolf looked up from the green eyes of Professor McGonagall, to the blue twinkling ones of Albus Dumbledore, who had spoken.

'Good Morning professors.' He looked down again, he could not meet any of their eyes, filled with pity and such disappointment. McGonagall placed a shaking hand on his shoulder in comfort, the only other time she had displayed any sort of emotion or affection towards a student (or former student) that Remus knew of, was after the unspeakable incident back in sixth year.

'How are you feeling, Remus.' she spoke softly (disregarding her usual strict demeanour).

Remus sat up properly in his bed in a more comfortable position. He shrugged in response to the Transfiguration teacher's question, who sighed and continued, 'Why would you, Remus? After everything...' Dumbledore silenced her with a twinkling glance and spoke,

'Sometimes Minerva, even the strongest people we know loose control at some point. Remus, as you are aware, has been through a lot; it is understandable that his emotion got the better of him this time...'

'But Albus, we worked so hard these past ten years, countless sessions to stop this kind of behaviour.' McGonagall interrupted in a loud whisper. 'Mr Lupin has worked too hard repressing the wolf that he simply can not throw it all away again because of this. We worked so hard and now the wolf is doing it ag-'

'It's not the wolf, Professor.' The voice was quiet yet distinguishable and McGonagall instantly stopped to look at Remus.

'Mr Lupin?'

'It was never the wolf that wanted this, Professor. I wanted this. This all has to end, I can't do this. I have tried so hard for nothing, I don't want to do this anymore.' He said his words truthfully, making his former head of house's eyes widen. For the first time she was lost for words. Pomfrey also looked taken aback by the comment. 'The wolf does not control me; I hope I proved that to you.' He turned away from them in discontent. He didn't need their pity.

'Poppy, Minerva, would you mind leaving us for a moment?' Dumbledore asked, politely. The matron huffed (making sure to roll her eyes not discreetly) but nodded, while McGonagall's lip thinned as she reluctantly muttered a 'this will not be over yet.' and strode out.

Dumbledore and Remus met each other's gaze. The former resting down on the end of the bed, regarding Remus in interest; as though he were something to be studied.

'I'm sorry, Remus. I should have kept more of an eye on you after what happened. The loss of course, for you, was tragic and no one should have to deal with this kind of thing alone. I'm sorry that you had to go to measures this extreme for us to realize that you needed more help.' Remus looked at Dumbledore as if he had a florescent pink and green hat on and spoke bitterly,

'Excuse me, Sir, but I don't need nor want your help. I simply want it to end. Your "_help"_ is the reason I'm still here, and for what? So I'll live my miserable, lonely life constantly looking over my shoulder for racist bastards who want someone to play with, or simply hurt or belittle; so I can spend my life existing -because I most certainly will not be living- in the lowest of area's, and (if I'm lucky) work in a job that pays minimum to the werewolf who got "Outstanding" in all of his NEWT's...

'To spend my life in solitude; alone in this cruel fucking world,' then, for good measure, he added in a staged voice that sounded like his former Defence against the Dart Arts professor, '"No one wants to be friends with a monster, they'll drag you down with them, like that half-breeds they are."'

Dumbledore was still watching him, intently. Remus fixed his shining emerald eyes on those blue twinkling ones, and finished slightly calmer, yet a hint of bitterness was still clearly visible in his voice, 'I tried so hard to do my best. Unfortunately though Professor, my best will never be good enough because, you see, Life is a heartless bitch that couldn't possibly be any crueller when she laughs at our Misery. Life just points and laughs, like everyone else, at the pathetic werewolf, who struggles to find his reasons as to why he's still carrying on in his shit hole.'

Dumbledore's tranquil smile never faltered; it vexed Remus to no end as his eye twitched and a vein on his forehead throbbed. Finally, Dumbledore spoke, with more calmness than what should not have been possible, given the situation,

'Remus, you are permitted to stay at Hogwarts until such time as I dismiss you. Before then, I must request that you are not to leave his Castle.' His voice hardened suddenly, 'Am I understood?'

'Yes. Sir.' The werewolf replied through gritted teeth. It was too close to the full moon, emotions (anger being the most explicit) were running high.

'Good.' His voice returned to it's usual calm demeanour. 'Minerva will take you to where you will be staying when you are fit enough to leave the Hospital Wing and Poppy will accompany you to the Willow when it's time. Also, you are to come to my office once a day,' He held up a hand, as Remus looked all too keen to interrupt. 'I will explain the details in due course. For now, however, you are to get some rest.'

Dumbledore stood up to leave when Remus showed no signs of responding any time soon. At the door, Dumbledore paused, 'I'd just like to point out that Minerva is not too happy with you, Remus. You are warned.' Remus scoffed, as he could literally hear the headmaster's smile as he spoke those last three words, although there was no humour to them.

There was never any humour in the world anymore.

* * *

**Hope that was alright. Yes, I know I was very mean with Remus but I thought that he needed to have some sort of explosion at some point, don't hate me. This was quite fun to write, actually... *Rubs palms together evilly***


	6. Unwell

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is life, but it isn't mine.**

* * *

Remus remained impassive for days, acting oblivious to everything and everyone around him. No one fell for the façade, but played along anyway, for their own sake mostly. The werewolf did not look like one willing to sprout into a spontaneous conversation anyway. No, he looked more like one fully capable of murdering you on the spot with just a glare.

He never spoke to anyone. He did not move, nor did he eat either. He could only be found staring up at the ceiling, as if seeing something that the rest of them could not. His eyes were still, unblinking; they never shone like sparkling emeralds anymore. What lay instead were dark green rocks that showed the deadness Remus felt but could never express. They were the eyes of one who had seen too much, dealt with too much in too short a period of time; they were lifeless, like a dolls eyes.

Remus never slept either. It emerged from the fear of those beautiful yet unhinged grey eyes, which constantly visited him while he slept. They taunted him, mocked him. They consumed him and fatigued him both physically and mentally. It was this that, that had caused his deliberate insomnia.

He had heard Dumbledore once say that in dreams people entered a world that was entirely their own. This was not all entirely re-assuring for Remus as he was lead to believe that even from Azkaban, Sirius could control his life; control how he lived.

The days passed and even on the day of the moon he still refused food and sleep, although that did not stop Madam Pomfrey forcing various potions into him when exhaustion finally took him. The potions consisted of a dreamless sleep, and one in which would act as a small substitute for food (it was not recommended in large amounts, but the Matron was getting desperate).

In the evening, she accompanied the lycanthrope silently across the grounds towards the Shack. She walked at a brisk pace; a strange sense of De Ju Vu crossed her mind as she began to reminisce about the lithe, vulnerable eleven year old who used to trot along behind her to keep up, staring around anxiously with massive, distressed eyes as she lead to him towards a night of torture. However, looking through the corner of her eyes and seeing the stoic shell that remained of that young man, she knew he had changed. He was embittered, lost and desolate. She knew then that he did not care about what would become of him after tonight. He did not appear afraid, he almost looked discontent about something... Maybe it was the wolf?

Not wanting to take any chances, she saw him through the tunnel and waited while he changed and handed her his hospital gown. She caught Remus eyeing a burgundy stain on the floorboards; rubbing it with his foot. They both knew of the significance of that particular stain, but neither voiced it. Knowing the lycanthrope did not particularly want to start a conversation any time soon, Madam Pomfrey sighed and headed for the passageway.

However, at the door she felt a cautious hand brush her arm in an attempt to get her attention. She turned to see Remus, head bowed and looking up at her nervously. In any other situation, the sight of a very naked Remus looking uncomfortable while trying to address Madam Pomfrey would have been amusing. This time though, it was a melancholy sight. He looked unsure of himself, as if wanting to say something but did not know how to express it or voice it. Remus was always collected and reserved; if you ever pushed him into talking, then you were even more unlikely to gain any sort of response, and more walls would be built around himself.

_Yet somehow, Sirius Black always seemed to be the one who could knock those walls down_, she had observed through the years. The matron wondered if Remus knew about this strange exception... He probably did, he was just indifferent to it.

Madam Pomfrey smiled warmly at him, trying and hoping it looked genuine. Remus considered her for a moment, squinting at her as if searching for something, before speaking for the first time in days.

'I'm sorry for all the trouble I've been causing recently, ma'am. I just want to thank you I guess, for helping me all these years. I have always be grateful.' His voice was rough from dis-use.

The Matron sighed in relief at hearing Remus speak again. Surely it was a good sign, although she did not like the finality expressed in his tone. Despite this however, she was greatly touched by his words and reached out to touch his shoulder in gratitude. She stopped halfway however when Remus had begun to recoil away from her movement. Pomfrey let her arm drop, but her smile -which never reached her eyes- never wavered. She spoke softly,

'Good luck, Mr Lupin.'

They stared at each other for a moment: Remus's stolidness against Poppy's solicitude, before the Matron turned away and, with one last concerned look, left the shack.

Five minutes later, the soft, frivolous howls of a woebegone wolf could be heard, echoing from the old, abandoned house; calling for its pack that would never come.

* * *

Remus was relieved when he found that he had not woken up in the Shack. He never had liked the place. It symbolized his constant loss of control. It filled with his head with memories, like water would a broken damn.

He slowly allowed his eyes to flutter open and adjust to the blinding light. His muscles ached from being immobilized for too long as he tried to sit up and lean back on his elbows. just how long had he been unconscious? he wondered.

As if on cue, Madam Pomfrey (deeply engrossed in her patients' files) bustled over to his private wing and drew the curtains. She gave a start when she looked up from her notes to see Remus staring at her, his expression blank.

'Oh, Mr Lupin you're awake. Good, we were beginning to worry,' she hesitated as the expression turned inquiring. Remus noticed how she nervously twisted the material of her robes without noticing she was doing so; he knew she was struggling to understand why this 'new Remus' intimidated her quite so, and he knew it aggravated her. She stood at her full height and continued as if there had been no awkward pause, 'It was four days since the moon, Mr Lupin.'

This only lead to small quirk of a sardonic eyebrow and he scoffed as she came over to place a firm hand to his forehead and checked his pulse. The heat of her palm contrasted heavily against the coldness of his skin. He did not like it. Remus pressed his lips together, feeling self-concious. He did not want to be touched; it was too much, too foreign. To distract himself, he looked up at the Matron and watched as she tried to cover the worry etched upon her face with indignant huffs.

Remus could obviously see through this façade of course, he could literally smell the different emotions radiating off her like a bad stench: worry, fear, discomfort. The lycanthrope knew Madam Pomfrey was apprehensive about something, only what?

'Professor Dumbledore wished me to remind you that you have an appointment to see him is this evening at eight o'clock -in the event that you had awoken by then that is.' She paused, waiting for Remus to nod. He did not. She sighed in exasperation, 'While you were asleep, I managed to heal most of you wounds, but I must remind you that you were not in a good condition; it was a miracle you survived.'

_Yes, a miracle indeed, _Remus thought cynically.

'Due to this,' she continued, 'you are bandaged quite heavily, although you should be able to walk fine. Therefore, Professor McGonagall will walk you to the Headmaster's office at the given time.' Again, she waited for a nod of confirmation, which he reluctantly gave, before she departed to her other rounds.

Remus fell back against his pillow, eyes once for fixed upon the ceiling. He had almost forgotten about the headmaster's 'session's' he was about to undertake, and quite honestly, he hoped the old Professor had too. What was that word Pomfrey had used? _Appointment, _as if he were a patient as opposed to a friend, who did everything he could for Dumbledore and the Order: live in constant danger among others of his kind, convincing them, protecting them from Voldemort; lie to the people he loved about where he went, even though it killed him inside to do it. The list was endless.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and sighed in resignation before falling into an restless slumber, hoping the eyes of the storm would not find him once more.

* * *

'Chocolate Bonbons.'

The Gargoyle immediately leapt aside to allow them both access to Dumbledore's office. Remus trailed after Professor McGonagall up the spiralled staircase, head bowed; not really seeing. His pulse hammered in his ears, hearing only static when McGonagall attempted to converse with him. At his lack of acknowledgement she had glared at him a lot -lip thinning- but she never shouted.

At the top of the tower, she knocked on the golden door and entered upon request, Remus reluctantly followed behind her, footsteps echoing loudly in the silence.

_Why do I have to be here?_

'Ah, Minerva. Remus, good to see you're looking better.' Dumbledore's casual voice called from behind his desk as he stood up to greet the two.

Remus silently snorted in response to the headmaster, but despite the lack of voice and movement he used, it was indeed noticeable to both the professors. However, Dumbledore pretended not to have noticed, and gestured a seat in front of his desk. Professor McGonagall on the other hand, glared daggers while her lip completely disappeared.

Remus reluctantly sat down on the said chair waiting. McGonagall also took a seat, albeit on the other side of the room far away from the other two; observing the scene like a hawk. Dumbledore took his original place behind his desk. He placed is elbows on the wooden surface, resting his chin in his hands and studied Remus with his sparkling eyes.

_'Studied'. Like an animal? A freak? Well... that's maybe what I am: a freak._

'Tell me Remus, how are you feeling?'

His genuine smile was too nauseating for the lycanthrope to comprehend so Remus stayed silent and looked past Dumbledore and at Fawkes (who was pleasantly perched on his stand, observing the conversation with the usual uncharacteristic understanding for a bird).

_You may as well spare the pleasantries, sir. I'm not eleven anymore; I know why I'm here._

'I see...' Dumbledore stated, more to himself than anyone else, and continued, knowing Remus was not going to answer. 'Remus, do you think you're ready to talk about what has happened over the past month? About James and Lily, or Peter?'

_No, I don't. I'm fine._

Silence.

'Ok... How about what happened in the Shack? Do you want to talk about that?' Dumbledore's smile was gone now, replaced by a concerned expression.

_Why? You don't care. You don't understand. No one does. You all think you do, but you don't!_

Silence.

'What about Sirius? Do you want to talk about him?'

This caused the werewolf's eyes to fix on Dumbledore as if he intended to melt him on the spot, yet he remained as silent as before.

_How dare he talk to me about Sirius!_

'Remus please, we're trying to help you.' This time it was Professor McGonagall that broke the silence. She had dropped formalities and there was a slightly pleading note in her voice. 'Let us help you.'

Silence.

'Minerva, it's clear that we are not going to accomplish much today.' The old professor caught on and sighed in defeat. 'Remus, we shall continue this tomorrow, same time. Yes?'

Remus drowned himself in Professor's eyes, but his expression was as stoic as ever. He nodded once in confirmation and spoke for the first time since the night of the full moon.

'Could I please go now, Professors?'

Dumbledore and McGonagall exchanged a look. Remus closed his eyes and tried to ignore the way McGonagall nervously looked at him, like a concerned mother would. Remus would not concede to it. He couldn't. Only Dumbledore's voice caused him to re-open his eyes as he answered,

'Yes, Remus. You may go. Minerva, would you so kindly escort Remus to his room?'

'But-'

Dumbledore silenced her with a look. Reluctantly, the Transfiguration teacher huffed and opened the office door; holding it open for the lycanthrope. Remus stood from his chair and, not meeting anyone's eyes, walked out of the office, not caring where his feet lead him.

He had gotten halfway down the spiral staircase when McGonagall caught up with him and placed a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. Immediately, Remus startled and flinched away from her, backing up against the wall. This was happening a lot now. Every time someone touched him he could cower away from them. He shook himself, clearing the thought and pushing it to the back of his mind. He breathed deeply, trying in a vain attempt to try and calm himself.

McGonagall was watching him intently, appearing to be disheartened at the fact that one of her ex-students was practically petrified of her (and not in the usual thrilling way, like when she is berating a student or students, chiefly: the Marauders).

'Mr Lupin, Remus, I-' she looked up into those cold, impassive eyes and faltered, quite a feat for the legendary Professor McGonagall. 'I'm sorry.'

Her words were enough to unhinge him -Minerva McGonagall never apologized to no one- and, in a rare moment of emotion, Remus covered his face in his hands to hold back the tears that he would never allow to fall. His shoulders shook in restraint, suppressing a sob, as he slid down the wall and onto the cold floor.

McGonagall did not know what to do at this stage, he could tell, but as much as Remus hated himself for showing such vulnerability and weakness, he could not bring himself to be bothered about anything or anyone around him, even as the Transfiguration teacher went to fetch Dumbledore.

* * *

The three following sessions after that had lead to similar outcomes (minus the slight mental breakdown). Dumbledore had informed McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey that no one was to touch Remus, (unless it was absolutely necessary, given Pomfrey's profession).

Remus was beginning to realize that slowly, the three members of staff were running out of idea's on how to bring him out of his metaphorical cocoon. Even the great Albus Dumbledore. He also knew from the way the two Professor's and the Matron stared at him that he was loosing their confidence. It was sad to see them so forlorn at his lack of acknowledgement, and Remus angrily berated himself for it, but he could not let them in. Not yet, anyway.

_You're testing them. _A small part of his brain would continuously remind him and make him feel even worse. Remus gradually came to terms with this idea that maybe, yes, he was testing them, but not out of spite, he reasoned. He told himself that he was testing their faith in him. He did not want to let people into his life again, only to have them push him away or leave...

Like last time...

Tuesday came and yet again, he found himself placed ominously in a chair at the front of the Headmaster's desk. As usual, he stared blankly through Dumbledore as he tried again and again to get through to the werewolf. Several times, Remus found himself rubbing his still bandaged arms subconsciously. After the fourth time it had happened, he quickly made to sit on his hands when a movement caught his eye that made his eyes flicker towards Dumbledore.

The Headmaster was holding an all too familiar envelope in his hand, searching Remus's face for some sort of reaction. In response his eyes hardened and he inhaled sharply.

'Where did you get that?' He accused, his voice gritty from lack of use.

'You left your belongings at the Ministry that day, Remus; I thought it might be better if I intervened and took them before they decided to burn them all.' His mouth twitched but there was no amusement in his voice. He held the envelope firmly, ignoring Remus's eyes as they fixed longingly on the parchment. 'Remus, do you know who wrote his?'

There was silence for a moment while Remus debated in his mind whether to answer that. After some thought, he decided to let the rational side win out this time. There was no use denying it. There was no use lying.

'Yes.'

'Could you tell me who?' Dumbledore spoke slowly, as if talking to an infant. Remus hesitated, lips pursed, but finally answered in a meek, emotional voice,

'S-Sirius.'

Dumbledore murmured his agreement, apparently satisfied with the answer. He watched Remus some more, wondering whether he should do what he was about to do. Reluctantly, he stretched his arm out and handed the letter to Remus's shaking hands.

'I haven't opened it. That is up to you.'

Remus stared at the parchment in his hand. He silently thanked the headmaster with a slight nod for his consideration of Remus's privacy. The scent was still vaguely of mint and wet dog and tears brimmed in his eyes. Should he read it? Listen to the half-hearted excuses Sirius may come up with? Or dispose of the lies quickly and smoothly? He wanted closure, but he did not know whether that would be gained by reading a letter from his psychopathic lover. Remus rubbed the skin of the envelope with his thumb; eyes swimming from sadness to anger...

_No! Don't let him win!_ _Read it, and Padfoot wins, again; he always does._

He violently jerked up from his chair and ripped the letter to shreds, throwing the chunks into the fireplace, where the roaring heat engulfed them hungrily. The two professor's sighed and bowed their heads.

So close...

Remus watched the fire crackle as the pieces burned, turning to dust and ash, in the orange and crimson flames. His mind was whirling, he had beat it: the temptation, the longing. he turned and marched out of the room without another word. McGonagall hastily followed him out, taking care not to intervene with the werewolf's fit of rage, just observing should he do something unreasonable.

Dumbledore sighed and walked over to the spot where Remus had previously been positioned by the fire and extinguished the flame with his wand. He picked up what was left of the letter and examined it thoughtfully. He could only just make out the ink stain that lay etched upon the brown parchment.

_The Rat._

His eyebrows knitted together in befuddlement. Dumbledore may be wise, arrogant as he was to admit it, but he honestly could not deduce the meaning behind such weird words that Sirius Black had created, and more importantly, what did that have to do with Remus?

_'Why? You don't care. You don't understand. No one does. You all think you do, but you don't!'_

Dumbledore pondered the helpless man's words in his mind -yes, he had used legitimacy on him, but with good reason, he argued. Maybe the wise, old Professor was going about solving this problem from the wrong angle.

_'"Studied". Like an animal? A freak? Well... that's maybe what I am: a freak._'

Maybe, like Remus had pointed out, he should not act as though he was studying him. Maybe, instead, he should try to understand him. That way, he could have the slightest chance of helping Remus out of his constant misery. To his liberation...

* * *

_Dear Moony._

_If you're reading this then you probably hate me as much as the rest of the world probably does. If you're reading this then that god damn rat has betrayed us all, and I'm sorry. I'll admit it, things haven't been great between us these last few months and I can tell that everything is slowly falling a part. If you're reading this, then I think I owe you an explanation. I think I owe you the truth._

_I'll put it straight: while I am writing this, I have to say that honestly, I don't trust you. It kills me to even think this, but at the moment it is true. I hate myself deeply Moony, but I have reason to believe you are the spy. I can not tell you how much I am sorry for thinking this if it turns out that you are indeed innocent in all of this. The truth is though, that I would not be able to stop loving you, even if what theories I have are true. I'm lead to believe that love has made me blind, if that is a reasonable excuse. You're probably wondering why I could think this of you. Well, I'll tell you..._

_I do not believe the spy is Peter, he doesn't have any backbone or independence unlike you, Moony. As well as this, the things he tells us, it's not looking good for you, what with your constant 'missions' and your withdrawal to talk to anyone, even me. We've never kept secrets from each other, Remus. But the only one who has ever tried to was you. I'm sorry. I don't even know why you would do this to us. What could Voldemort offer you that we could not? __I would give you the world if I could, Moony._

_Despite this though, one of the main reasons I'm writing this is to inform you that I have decided to switch secret keepers for Lily and Prongs. I have convinced them to change to Peter instead of myself. I am aware of the big risk I am making by even writing this to you, given my opinion of you at the moment, but I honestly believe this letter will find you only when everything is over. Only when everyone is gone, as depressing and cynical that sounds._

_If you're reading this though I am also aware that I will have made the wrong decision by not trusting you. I am constantly at war with myself, trying to see sense on how I can think such awful thoughts about you, Remus. I think perhaps I am being irrational, maybe even stereotypical about this -these are traits I have always feared would consume me, but I am not my parents, Moony -you know that- and I hope I have indeed fought back their bigotry, and that there is in fact another stigma that has caused this distrust between us, besides you lycanthropy. I would hate it if it were your condition that came between us, after everything I promised you after the 'incident'._

_In short: let it be known that if all is lost and the inevitable happens, know that it wasn't I who betrayed you, and Prongs, and Lily, and Harry: it was Wormtail._

_The Rat. _

_I beg you Remus, if this is the case, please forgive me for my stupidity. I can not imagine what must be going through your mind right now. Honestly, I think that you have every reason to hate me for everything I have done to you. It's not fair what I've put you through, and I am aware of that. Despite this though, I think to myself that my Moony is not capable of that emotion: hate. It's one of the many things I love about you, Remus. You have the ability to see the light in all dark places; to see the good in all people. _

_I hope I haven't broken that from you. I don't know how this war is shaping us; changing us, but I know that you can beat this. You are the strongest Marauder, and the bravest man I have ever known. If anyone can survive and find the strength to see the little beauty left in life, it is you._

_I don't know where I'll be when you're finally reading this. My thoughts are that either that I'm dead, or I'm in Azkaban, although I sincerely hope not, and I sincerely hope that I will see you again, soon, because let it be known that I still love you, Remus. You may not love me, but I will always love you. Everything about you just makes me light up, and always has. The way your eyes always shine and the way you touch and comfort me when things get too much. God this sounds like some sort of horrible romantic cliché, but it's all true, as well as so much more. It makes me wonder how I could ever think or treat you so little._

_I know what I'm saying might not make that much sense from the way my hands are trembling like mad while I'm writing this, but remember this, Remus: no matter how bad this gets; no matter how much life treats you like crap, you will get through this, and I will find you again... I just hope I'm not too late._

_Eternally yours, forever,_

_Padfoot. _

_X_

* * *

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews so far, I really appreciate it! :) I'll update soon.**


	7. Reconciliation

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is life, but it isn't mine.

* * *

It had been five days since Remus's last visit, which had quite clearly spelled disaster from the moment the Headmaster had pulled out that forbidden envelope. This given time of course gave Dumbledore plenty of time to think everything over from the last few weeks; the professor truly wanted to solve this conundrum, but feared that his attempts to help Remus were in vain. Now, Dumbledore was hardly the sort of man who gave up easily, and he therefore promised himself that he would persevere and eventually help the healing of the man who had lost so much from the war.

To do this, Dumbledore would often sit in his office and contemplate his options when all work had been done on that day; he gave out an air of pensiveness whenever a member of staff would visit, but he did not allow his predicament to intrude on his daily business in running his school.

He constantly thought about how to go about this situation differently, so that instead of making it worse, he could help his former student. In the past Dumbledore had a keen eye when it came to solving problems and he was usually successful. It was unsettling to him that he had managed to do so much in his old life, but was failing a what he would consider to be a simple task.

Dumbledore first began by realizing that his problems would not be solved if he continued to badger the poor lycanthrope into opening up to him. This lack of subtly and inconsiderateness was indeed quite uncharacteristic of the Professor, but at the time, he reasoned that maybe if he went about the problem analytically, he would accomplish more in regard to helping Remus recover.

This theory had obviously proved to be wrong -an outcome that was not often associated with the wise old man much. It was after pondering this, that Dumbledore decided that instead of trying to study Remus, he would actually help him, as a friend.

He planned his theory and plan of action logically, and decided against dragging the werewolf to his office.

Alternatively, he would visit Remus.

* * *

There was a knock at the door, but Remus did not pay it any mind. Instead, he focused his attention on his right arm, which had begun to bleed quite profusely, although not by any dangerous amount. He was in the process of stripping his bandages and had begun the task of re-opening one of his wounds from the previous moon.

It was his release; his escape.

The lycanthrope watched in fascination as blood formed beneath his fingernails, which he had pressured sharply upon the incisions he made on his wounds. The blood calmed him, and he smiled lazily at the numb pain. He did not have the same intentions as he did in the shack, Remus just wanted to feel something.

Anything.

After his recurring nightmares that had beheld him in his sleep, he needed to prove to himself that he was still alive; capable of giving and receiving pain. His constant dreams of Sirius were now filled with his lover's mournful grey eyes as opposed to his usual stormy ones. His nightmares also drowned him with the howls of Padfoot, like that of the wolf inside himself -so much sorrow as the calls were filled with such remorse and self-condemnation. In his nightmares, The Grim would express so much emotion that Remus could hardly comprehend it all. It was that which had resorted him to force his despondency into the penetration of his flesh once more.

The knock sounded again before the burgundy door creaked open, allowing Albus Dumbledore to enter with a thoughtful expression, which quickly changed into one of concern as he gaze strayed from Remus's face to his exposed arm. He rushed over gracefully (a feat only he could execute) towards the werewolf and took the ashen wrist in his hand as he traced the wound with his wand, closing up the opening. When he was done, he tenderly realised his grip as he recognized the recent tremors which would overcome Remus when he was touched. He sat back on the opposite side of the bed from Remus, who lay resting against the headboard.

The lycanthrope's room was not a very extravagant one. The walls were decorated ivory, as were the ceiling and carpet. The room itself gave an impression of blankness, enhanced by the bareness in it's lack of contents. There was a bed, a chest of drawers, and a writing desk placed beneath the sealed window. The covers of his bed were meant to be white, like the rest of the room, but there were many spots of brown and red from dried blood that Remus had not bothered to clean up or try to hide. There was no point in lying anyway, he thought. The other two items were the only features of his room that brought an ounce of colour to it. The chestnut brown wood stood out immensely against the rest of the room as they contracted with the tones of white.

Remus stared into Dumbledore's twinkling eyes, searching for a reaction -anything- but found none. Dumbledore looked expressionless, and Remus feared that he was going to get another lecture with regard to his actions. Because of this thought, he got the shock of his life when Dumbledore managed a smile as he met his eyes and spoke softly,

'How are you, Remus?' His look was sincere. Remus cocked his head to the side slightly out of habit (one most likely picked up by a certain canine that he will not mention), and narrowed his eyes.

_What's he trying to pull?_

'I was wondering if you would like to take a stroll with me out along the grounds, Remus. I hardly think this room is exciting enough to hold that many activities for you to partake in.' His smile grew when Remus's suspicion did too. Finally, his curiosity got the better of him, and he replied,

'What are you planning, Sir?' Dumbledore chuckled lightly.

'I have not planned anything, Remus. I just came to apologize for how I have acted these past few months, and wondered if you would perhaps accept my apology if I bribed you with some fresh air.' Remus allowed himself to smile at that, although it took a lot of effort to accomplish.

'I can accept your apology, Sir, for the sake of some fresh air.' The corner of his mouth twitched, though his voice was monotonous. 'Forgiveness may be another story... although, I never have been able to stay angry at people for very long, so I wouldn't count on my anger staying evident when it is targeted at the man who gave me so many chances that others would never have allowed.'

Dumbledore smiled brighter at that, but did not comment further and both men slowly stood from the bed and made their way to the door. Dumbledore held the said door open for Remus, as he crossed the threshold, shoulders hunched and head bowed. It was Remus's first time out of his room since his trip to Dumbledore's office, and he felt quite exposed. The headmaster followed and dismissed a surprised Madam Pomfrey when she rushed over to interfere. No one had stopped Remus from leaving his room, it was his own concealment that kept him there, isolated away from everyone. The matron was just shocked to see him out of his 'Sanctuary' was all.

The two wizards walked out along the grounds by the lake in silence. It was a comfortable silence as opposed to the usual awkward one that took place. Remus took this time to think about what he would say when the headmaster would eventually question him about his 'problem'. He was so angry at Dumbledore, but he knew he did not deserve the level of hostility Remus had presented these past few weeks.

He argued that his anger was reasonable though, and he knew that Dumbledore was aware of that also. He had constantly pushed Remus, and tried to pressure him into talking; into opening up. Remus would open up when he was ready, even the deathly impatient Marauders had known that. Dumbledore had forced Remus to his limit with all of his questions and actions, trying to get some sort of response out of the embittered werewolf.

It had all been too much for him.

On the other hand though, he knew that the old headmaster was only trying to help him, and after everything he had done for Remus -allow him a proper education when others would have shunned him, gave him a sustainable job in the Order when no other employer ever gave him a second glance , he gave him the chance to make friends, and showed him that not everyone was as prejudiced as he originally thought- how could Remus spite him? He should be thanking him... should he not?

Dumbledore spoke, startling him out of his thoughts.

'Forgive me for being so brash, Remus, but I believe that we have both had a lot of time to think our actions over this past week; I cannot help but wonder: are you ready to forgive me yet? I understand that I have not been entirely helpful, and I can not express how much I have berated myself for my inconsiderate approach with regard to you. I figured that if I went about your... situation... analytically, then I would be able to sort the problem quicker, and more professionally.

'As recently informed by a rage induced Professor McGonagall shortly after your departure five days ago from my office, I'm afraid I may have been wrong.' His tone was laid back and amused as he remembered that particular encounter, but his expression was indeed sincere, albeit questioning, implying that he actually required a serious answer to his previous question. Remus looked at him inquiringly and answered earnestly,

'forgiveness does not mean accepting one's apology, Sir, it requires fully understanding that a person made a mistake but is worthy of a second chance.' His mouth twitched upwards as he waited for the headmaster's answer. His words, and their meanings, were spoken with such familiarity on his tongue that Remus wondered if it were indeed him talking. The old Remus. The unintended logic behind his words calmed him; spoke to him in a way.

'Yes. That is very wise, Remus, and I admit that I have indeed made as many mistakes as any other person. I also believe however, that I am also entitled to a second chance, as much as any other man.'

'I would have to agree, Professor. As you are the man who gave so many others so many second chances -however much they might not have deserved it, might I add- surely it would be unreasonable of me if I were not to be lenient with him in regard to his recent actions. After all, however ineffective they were, they were only executed with the intention of helping me.' He allowed himself to smile as a voice -sounding suspiciously like Prongs- spoke to him mentally.

_There's our Moony with... words and shit! Took you long enough, mate!_

Remus stopped walking and turned to look out over the Black lake. His expression was tranquil, and he felt more at peace than he had in a long time. It was a wonder what a battle of vocabulary and logic, however small, could do to his emotions and senses.

The sunset before him was a whirl of colour: reds, oranges, purple; the colours of fire and so much more. The swirls of such beauty reflected upon the water, making the surface shine in the light, and Remus realized then, that the world did contain beauty after all this time; that the world had continued to shine, even when all appeared dark for him. It had been so long since he had witnessed a sunset so divine. He realized then, that he should not hide away from the people who want to help him. Lily and James would not have wanted him to live like this. He realized that. Remus owed them that much, at least. No, he should not forget what happened, but he could not cease to live just because of the past, however much it hurt and tore at him.

Remus inhaled deeply and continued to stare out across the landscape as he addressed Dumbledore.

'Yes. I forgive you, Albus. I'm sorry.'

'Thank you, Remus, but do not be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. I understand your pain, and what your going through. It's perfectly normal for a person's mind to experience such grief after the amount of trauma you have experien-'

He broke off at the look on Remus's face. The calm, pensiveness from moments before had vanished, and was replaced with indignation and annoyance. His emerald orbs were like they once were, cold and dead, displaying the wolf that lay within him to the headmaster, who had just begun to think that he had accomplished a great deal in these past few hours. When Remus spoke, his voice shook.

'I have forgiven you, Sir. I have been willing to make a compromise and talk about all this, but do not tell me you understand what I am going through Professor, because you don't. No one does, so do not pretend that you do.' As Dumbledore gazed into those eyes, filled with such resentfulness and discontent, he knew then that he had to make the decision: the decision to either go about his answer analytically; professionally, or deal with it emotionally, like the friend he said he would be to the lycanthrope. Finally, the answer appeared only too obvious, and the Headmaster knew then that this time, he had chosen his path right.

'Then help me understand, Remus.' The lycanthrope hesitated, breaking eye contact. The anger was still evident, but discomfort had taken over and consumed his lithe form. Dumbledore saw the opportunity and reached out further. 'Please?'

Remus looked up at that. Could he do it? Was he finally ready to talk about his horrors, his fears? With some thought, he slowly began to nod.

* * *

It did not take them long to get back to Dumbledore's office. The trip was made in silence, but Dumbledore was in high spirits never the less, Remus could tell. He however, appeared to be quite nervous.

_This is it. Secrets out._

He took his usual place in the seat before the royal desk as Dumbledore took his own respected place behind it. Remus watched as the headmaster pulled out a very familiar satchel from a drawer behind his desk. Silently, he handed the satchel to Remus and waited as he inspected it.

'I thought we might start with this.'

Remus's hands trembled beneath the material as he traced the rips in the fabric from his scuffle with Malfoy, and the trip to the Ministry. He looked up at Dumbledore solemnly with questioning eyes.

'Can- Am I allowed to open it, Sir?' He did not see any reason that he should not, but he had to be sure. Dumbledore, it seemed, thought the same.

'They're your belongings, Remus. Surely, you are entitled to open it. It must have been a while since you have gazed upon its contents.'

Remus nodded and opened the flap. First, he pulled out his almost forgotten about wand. He twirled it in his hands with familiarity. It had been so long since he felt the engraved wooden patterns beneath his fingertips. Too long he had been without it. He needed his wand, it was his proof that he was indeed a wizard, and that no one could take that away from him. He smiled lightly, straining the muscles in his face, but he did not care. To further prove this identity, he pointed his wand at his satchel and began to sew together the snags and rips that it had attained with wordless magic. When he was finished, he lifted his wand and positioned it behind his ear, a habit he took up in third year, and continued to rummage through the satchel.

Next, he pulled out a square box, wrapped in a turquoise foil, and he stared at it in horror. He had forgotten about the present from Sirius. He tried to shove the box back into the bag, but unfortunately for him, Dumbledore had already seen it.

'Everything all right, Remus?' The lycanthrope nodded, feeling slightly nauseous.

'Oh yes, quite. I just don't think that I am quite ready to open the box yet.' He hesitated, 'it was from Sirius.'

Dumbledore looked to the place in the satchel where the object should be suspiciously, but nodded and let the matter slide. It's contents would be revealed eventually anyway.

Trying to change the subject, Remus decided to pull out one of the photo albums and rubbed the spine affectionately. This one had always been his favourite album. Forgetting that Dumbledore was watching him intently, he began to flick through its pages. Unwillingly, his eyes began to water up as he looked upon the brightest page in the album. He gave out a watery chuckle and was suddenly aware of the other presence in the room. He looked up at Dumbledore's questioning stare and began to explain the photo angled so only he could see it.

'This was taken at James and Lily's wedding. I remember, it was the best day of all of our lives. Before Harry was born, of course. It was the most magical day. I'd never seen so much love in two people's eyes. Lily was beautiful, I remember catching James's look when he first saw her waling down the isle. He, err... seemed to be able to forget to breath for a moment, ha. He looked handsome as well though. Lily would always sneak a look when he wasn't looking. It had taken so long for us to get his hair presentable, but Lily just whipped out her wand and brought it back to its usual wild self. Sirius was so mad-' He paused for a moment, then continued in a more sentimental tone, 'I was so happy for them. No one deserved such a truer love more than those two. They were so perfect for each other.

'It's just so sad to think that they're both gone now. The world seemed to have lost some of its colour in their absence.' His gaze dropped back down to the picture.

The picture was of the five of them: the Marauders and Lily. James had his arms snaked around Lily from behind, her petite hands covered in his. He rested his head in her hair, beautiful red and ginger hair which shone in the light when the flash went off, a single lily flower was the only accessory she had in her hair. It was cliché, but she looked pure; perfect. Both her and James were smiling so happily at the camera, eyes full of mirth and happiness. To the right of the newly wed couple was, of course, Sirius. He was, as usual, quite exuberant and ecstatic for his brother in everything but blood, for he finally had the girl of his dreams. Remus stared at that face; the face that had brought him so much love and pain. Sirius did not look like a killer, he simply looked... Sirius: brave, loyal, loving, and so much more.

Remus shook himself. No, he could not afford to think of that right now.

He now looked back down and at the other two figures in the picture. Remus himself was to the left of the happy couple, smiling contently. His face may be the calmer of the group, but it clearly expressed how thrilled he was that his two best friends were bonded, to love each other forever. He marvelled in their happiness, and how the two managed to find each other. Once or twice, Remus observed, he and Sirius would share a knowing glance between their friends, but shook his head and focused on Peter instead.

Peter was on Remus's left, looking past him and at James and Lily. The amount of envy was evident in his eyes as he stared longingly at them. Remus could have sworn he detected a hint of jealousy -and could that possibly be loathing- in his eyes, but quickly thought against the idea. Peter adored James, and everything about him. It could not possibly be anything as extreme as that in a stare, not when he's smiling with just as much mirth as the rest of them.

Aware that Dumbledore was still watching him, he turned over a page. His smile immediately dropped, and his lower lip trembled. Reluctantly, a single tear dropped onto the old parchment as he closed his eyes and breathed a deep breath.

'What's the matter, Remus?' Dumbledore asked in concern. Remus shook his head.

'Oh no, Sir. I'm fine. It's just... just I remember this moment well. It just shows how much his betrayal hurt.' He did not need to indulge further, Dumbledore knew who 'he' was.

Remus opened his eyes and looked onto the picture. This time, there were no bright lights, or smiling faces. This time, the atmosphere was dark, as the only light was that of the bedside lamp. The photo was taken in the Gryffindor dormitory. Remus was laying on his bed, almost asleep. His hands were buried in thick, ebony fur, as he clung to the black dog beside him in possessiveness. The touch was not hard, but it symbolized the secret bond between the two. Padfoot's stormy eyes rested upon the lycanthrope's sleeping form and nuzzled deeper towards his touch.

Seconds passed, before the huge, black dog transformed into the eighteen year old boy, who yearned for the other's warmth and touch. Remus's arms were still around Sirius, and the latter chose to return the gesture by wrapping his own arms around the lithe boy in return, kissing his nose admiringly. That was when Remus's tired eyes would flutter open knowingly, and kiss the other between the eyes, before resting their foreheads together.

Remus stared at himself and Sirius in the picture dolefully. They were so happy back then. Happy and in love. What happened?

'Why did he have to go and do this?' He wondered aloud, once again forgetting Dumbledore was also in the room.

'Sirius?' Dumbledore wondered curiously, without a hint of accusation. He seemed to be contemplating something. Remus nodded once in response.

'He was my life, Sir. He was the reason I chose to keep on living. He made me promise him that I'd try to carry on, for him, and I did. I carried on for Sirius, but all he did in return was destroy my life, and so many others as well.' He paused for breath, regaining his composure. 'I'm sorry, sir. It's just so hard to comprehend that the Sirius I loved -more than anything in the world- was the same one capable of murdering so many people, and cursing Harry and I to live our lives alone, without our real family here with us. It's so hard to see that my Sirius was capable of such merciless actions, and not even experiencing any remorse or guilt for his actions.'

Dumbledore nodded in understanding, and his blue eyes began to twinkle as he seemed lost in thought. Remus waited for his revelation, anxiously. Finally, Dumbledore found his voice.

'Remus, after some thought, I think that there is only one way that you can officially claim closure and peace. But I must ask you this: how would you feel about facing your fears upfront?' He asked, inquiringly. The werewolf appeared confused.

'I'm not sure I understand, Sir.' The lycanthrope responded, and Dumbledore smiled knowingly, but there was no humour in it, only conjecture.

'How would you feel about a trip out to the North Sea?'

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for all the great reviews so far, all appreciated! I hope I managed portrayed Dumbledore's character as more... Dumbledore-y in this chapter. As for some people's questions about where this story is heading, I may or may not be planning to eventually turn it into an AU, but no *Spoilers* (Oooh, Doctor Who reference!) so you'll have to wait and see :) In more depressing news, I'm sorry but ****I**** won't be updating for a while for I will shortly be taking my OWL's... eeek! :/ **


	8. Padfoot: Dreams or Reality?

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is life, but it isn't mine.**

**Quick A/N: This chapter is mainly about what Sirius was/is going through, but there is some context that forwards the story as well.**

* * *

He is damp, cold, and alone as the walls made of rock lay rough against the side of his furry face.

Padfoot had been his saviour from the Dementors, and had therefore allowed Sirius more time to contemplate recent events that seemed to be unfathomable to him.

Padfoot allowed himself to wonder how he came to have such an unpleasant nightmare that appeared to be, in Sirius's mind, all too real for his liking. Sirius wondered: had his hunger for revenge on Peter -which had defeated all of his logical reasoning on that fateful Halloween night- unwillingly lead to death the man he loved as well as his two best friends?

Initially, after his first 'Vision' of seeing his Remus, bloodied and dying, Sirius had believed Remus, who had come close to death various times before now, had indeed finally succeeded in his attempt to kill himself. The continuous taunts of his_ 'dream'_ had allowed Sirius to believe that he himself had killed him; killed Remus like his killed everyone else he loved. Days would pass, and Padfoot would howl softly at the Moon, berating himself for his sins while simultaneously cursing the very source that had once caused all his lover's pain; he howled as it phased in the sky, constantly changing.

Sirius could not see a world without Remus. He could barely cope with the knowledge that death had taken both Lily and James from him, but the very thought that he had lost both of his best friends, and his one love was, for Sirius, too unbearable.

He would see Remus in his dreams though. His beautiful eyes would stare at Sirius in confusion and apprehension, as if he were scared to show any emotion. It deeply disheartened Sirius that these dreams neither confirmed nor disproved his fear that Remus had indeed died from previous events, even if he had felt an immense closeness towards the werewolf in his dreams, as if you could them dreams that is.

Sirius had not allowed himself to give up though. He would not conform to the Dementors. He may abhor himself for the rest of eternity for all the pain and death he had caused, but he knew he had to survive all this.

For Harry.

The world was filled with such hate -most directed towards Sirius himself- but he knew that one day, Harry will grow to understand the truth. Harry would realize his Godfather's innocence. Sirius had believed that he had let everyone down, but he promised himself that he would not let Harry down further.

In Sirius's mind, he believed that Harry had deserved a better Godfather than himself, but he knew he could not run from the responsibility betrothed to him the day Harry was born. Sirius promised himself he would somehow be there for his Godson. Always.

He would make up for all the times he had let the people he loved down.

The ebony dog's eyelids dropped, allowing him to believe he was not trapped in a cold cell; allow him to believe that his love had indeed survived, and that they would one day be together for eternity.

* * *

_Alive._

_Moony was alive. Remus was alive. He knows. He sees him now. Sirius watches Remus's life continue from his internal prison. In the depths of his dreams, Padfoot had found his Moony. His lover's life was a moving picture, constructing emotion and enraged beauty. He watches Moony struggle and his refusal to communicate with the wizard he once respected above all others, as well as the rest of the world in general. It was painful for Sirius to see Remus in this new light. So much hate and anger, and so much loss. Oh, how Sirius ached to be by his Moony's side._

_He was so close, yet so far away._

_Sirius watches him now. He does not know how he is doing this. Magic is an endless chasm of knowledge, he gathers. This is not a normal dream though, he knows that. _

_It is all real. _

_Moony. His beautiful Moony. The sun reflects off his golden brown hair, that contains an unhealthy amount of grey for a twenty-one year old, not that this feature marrs his lover's elegance. His lust filled eyes move to focus on Remus's face. His skin: white but alluring as it had ever been. _

_Sirius reaches a hand out in an attempt to caress his lover's gaunt cheek -which was hosting three new scars from the previous moon- as he remains impassive to the static noise formulating from Dumbledore's mouth as he attempts to communicate with the werewolf. Entranced, Sirius watches the emerald orbs of his Moony uncannily glare at the old Headmaster with the wrath of the wolf. He watches Remus like a drug._

_Like an addiction. _

_Although no one appeared to be aware of his presence, Sirius continued to reach out. Closer. So close now. The light in his eternal darkness. He sees Remus in his dreams, but only now does he realize that it's all real; that all he has to do is reach out. Touch him. Then he will know, that everything will be okay, and that Remus was, against the odds, alive._

_So close. Inches away. One more move and Remus would be his again. Sirius's longing for the brush of Remus's cheek against his toughened fingertips was unexplainable. _

_Closer..._

_Remus moves forward in his chair -away from Sirius's touch before any contact had ever been formed- and Sirius felt at a loss, his eye's watering. _

_No. Blacks' never cry. _

_Sirius turns his attention to the cause of Remus's movement. Dumbledore was handing him something. Remus sat back in his chair. He appeared to be holding an envelope. An all too familiar envelope. Sirius's heart skipped one too many beats as excitement overwhelmed him._

_This is better than Sirius could ever imagine. The letter, beneath the werewolf's hands, was the key to his innocence. All Remus had to do was open it, and he was free._

_But something was not right..._

_Sirius watched as Remus's glassy eyes considered the parchment. Confusion and emotion slowly brimming into anger and resentment. Sirius knew then, that life was never as simple as opening an envelope. He had seen that look in his lover's eyes before, too many times. Reason was futile. Once Remus had set his mind on a particular path, there was no going back. He could only watch in horror as Remus suddenly stood and marched to the fireplace, destroying the answers he had held unknowingly beneath his palm, discarding it into the flames._

Remus marched from the office and Sirius's world turned monochrome as his mind had returned to his cell -the symbol of his imprisonment. He sighed ,exasperated. He pulled his knees to his chest, resting his elbows on them. Sirius pressed his rough hands to his face and began rubbing furiously.

He had been so close!

'God damn it, Remus!_'_

All he had to have done was open that letter and Sirius could have been free; could have been with him again! A lone tear slid down his face, triggering his breakdown.

Blacks' don't cry. Blacks' don't cry. Blacks' don't cry.

Sirius screamed in frustration, the sound drowned from behind his hands, yet it was still at a distinct pitch. He wanted to scream and scream at the world; yell and curse and wail. Then, it hit him.

The Coldness.

Cold. Bitterness. Death. Sirius looked up from behind his hands to find a Dementor staring at him from outside his cell, tapping its scaly fingers against the metal bars in interest. The sight was eerie and sinister, and unwillingly, Sirius found himself to be quite afraid of what would happen next. It would be too risky and conspicuous to change into Padfoot what with all the emotion going through him currently.

Remus. Why was it that his source of happiness was also the cause of his pain?

He squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself for the hours of torture that were about to befall upon him as the Dementor began to feast.

* * *

_The North Sea?_

Could Dumbledore be implying what Remus thinks he is implying?

'Sir? But... surely you don't mean-'

'Azkaban, Remus? Yes, that is indeed what I am talking about. I was merely pondering the idea.' Dumbledore looked thoughtful as his gaze shone through Remus's own sceptical look.

'Sir, forgive me, but I'm afraid I'm not entirely sure on what you're implying exactly.' Dumbledore chucked slightly, a ghost of a grin forming on his tranquil countenance.

'I thought as much,' He focused on Remus properly now, smiling apologetically at the werewolf. 'Tell me, Remus, if I were able to make it possible, how would you feel about seeing Sirius again?'

Remus blanked. He did not understand, why would Dumbledore ask him this? What would be the purpose of seeing Sirius again? He struggled with his response,

'Sir? What possible significance could come from seeing Black-' Dumbledore raised a hand to interrupt.

'I apologise for my impatience, Remus, but please could you answer first, then I can go into further detail.' He paused, and Remus stayed silent as the headmaster seemed to be considering his next words, Remus looked at him apprehensively. 'Also, you may as well call him Sirius, Remus. I hear the feigned malice in your voice, as if you are trying to detach yourself from him. We both know that you are going through enough pain as it is without concealment of what is fairytale and what is fact.'

Remus nodded once, then looked down at his hands in contemplation. A whirlwind of emotion swam through his head, and he considered the consequences of visiting his deranged lover. Surprisingly, it did not take as much consideration as he originally thought. Remus looked up at Dumbledore who was watching him closely and curiously.

'I have considered the consequences, Professor... and I have decided that I would want to go anyway.' The corner of his mouth twisted in a melancholy, albeit humorous smile. Dumbledore smiled back, although his humour appeared more dominant than Remus.

'I see.' He nodded in agreement. 'I suppose you'd now like to wonder why I have asked this of you?'

'Indeed, Sir, if you don't mind.'

'Not at all.' Dumbledore leant back against his headmasters' throne and sighed.

'I have had a lot of time to analyse this situation, Remus. I am sure that you are aware of that.' It was a statement, not a question, so Remus did not interrupt. 'After considering our options, I figured that, in this situation, visiting Sirius seemed to be the most convenient. Allow me to explain what I mean by that.' He added when Remus looked at him puzzled. 'I figured, seeing Sirius again would make coping with things seem easier for you. It would be, after all, the first time you were able to see him again since before your mission back in October. It is my belief, that seeing again will bring you the closure you deserve and need.'

Remus shifted uneasily in his chair, twirling a clunk of his hair beneath his fingers in perturbation. Dumbledore continued to look at him, bemused. Remus sighed and began to confess.

'Professor, what if I told you that I have already seen Sirius after... everything?' He breathed ruggedly, as the headmaster formed a questionable glance.

'How?'

In all honesty, Remus was taken aback by the question. _How? _He had expected a more formal, contextual approach to his confession. Although, Dumbledore demeanour seemed unsettled as opposed to his usual omniscient appearance. Remus thought about the question carefully and began to explain.

'Well... It's difficult to explain, Sir. The thing is, it's almost like I'm constantly having hallucinations of him. I have seen him almost everyday since the Ministry. It's mostly when I'm asleep that I see him, however I know that is no cause for concern.' He sighed, struggling to put his point across. 'The thing is though, he was there, Professor. He was there with me in the Shack. That was like the break in the damn that started all of this.' He sounded mad, he knew it. He could tell from the way the headmaster was studying him.

'Have you considered the possibility that these _"Visions"_ could have been simply a memory, or a construction of your imagination, Remus? After all, the likelihood of Sirius Black actually being in the Shrieking Shack while at the same time being locked away in Azkaban seems to be next to impossible.' Dumbledore reasoned. Yes, he did have a point, but that was not the case. Remus's cheeks puffed as he exhaled.

'I understand, Sir, but I didn't imagine the confrontation.' He emphasised the "Imagine" hoping Dumbledore would understand. 'He wasn't physically there with me, per say... but he was. It's complicated...' He screwed his eyes shut in concentration, trying to remember. 'I was angry; distraught. I wanted to end everything, I just didn't see the point anymore. Before he came, I admit, I did sort of hallucinate, but that was not the point. I was determined; I was ready. So close, but then he came. He touched me. It wasn't like when a ghost or spirit touches you though, it was almost... warm... I don't know...'

He opened his eyes and looked directly at Dumbledore, who chose not to interrupt. Relieved, he continued, 'But he tried to help me. He wanted to stop me, like he used to do when we were kids... but he wasn't a memory. It was new, all of it, but I was so devastated and distressed that I thought nothing of it...

'I'm not sure, sir, but thinking about it now, doesn't it seem a little unorthodox?'

Dumbledore nodded.

'It would seem so. Personally, I think this new information you have given me gives me all the more reason to think that visiting Sirius is the next step in his story, Remus. I think -and you probably think so too- that it would probably be best if we got to the bottom of this mystery quickly, don't you think?' Remus nodded feverishly, eyes abnormally wide.

'When do you think it best to go, Professor?' Dumbledore thought about this for a moment before answering,

'I think we had best wait until after the next full Moon, Remus. I need time to make special arrangements for you to go to Azkaban -with regard to you lycanthropy that is. I fear that if you yourself were to make the inquiry to go, you would be denied without question. Forgive me, Remus, for my arrogance, but I think that if I were to do it, you would have a better chance of being able to visit. I am, after all, in a much more respected position at the Ministry at the moment.'

He smiled sadly at the forlorn werewolf, who indeed understood Dumbledore's words but did not rebuke him for them. He had only stated the truth, and he had meant well by them, so instead he nodded and made to stand.

'I understand, Sir. Thank you for doing all this for me despite how I have acted towards you this past month, and no matter how this turns out, know I will forever be grateful for all you have done for me.' He paused and smiled lightly, 'I also hope that you do not think me too mad after this encounter, because I can assure you, I am perfectly normal.' Dumbledore smiled back at that,

'The pleasure is mine, though I hope you can forgive me also for my nonchalant approach at the commencement of all of this. In regard to your last statement though, I can assure you that I may be old, Remus, but I am definitely not blind yet, nor indifferent to the havoc you and your friends beheld on this school and Professor McGonagall during your school years. Due to this, I am afraid to say that "Mad" does not quite cut it.'

'The Marauders had their own category, Headmaster.' Remus replied reminiscently.

'Indeed.' When Remus turned to leave, he called back, 'Remus!'

The lycanthrope turned back curiously, 'Yes, Sir?' Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.

'Call me, Albus.'

* * *

_He falls into his usual slumber, but this time it's different. This time, he is not the one that initiates the 'Dreams'. This time, he does not see those beautiful, expressive emeralds. Instead, he sees the never ending darkness; it consumes him whole. He is aware of his head swivelling around, looking for some other presence with him, but finds nothing. It is befuddling and excruciating for him to know he is so close, yet so far. Sirius knows Remus is with him; he feels it, but he can not fathom where..._

_His throat is rough, but he calls out never the less._

_'Moony?' _

_No answer. Sirius begins to worry, he does not want to be trapped here alone, his dreams are meant to be his escape. In his palace of serenity, the Dementors can not reach him as his dreams were never happy. It was his longing to be with the one he loved that he strived for. It was pure obsession. If he could make Remus understand that he was innocent, then they could have the chance to try and live again..._

_Sirius had seen Remus in Dumbledore's office. His countenance was broken, like Sirius, but his eyes were filled with a small hope as Dumbledore spoke of visiting him -Sirius._

_'Moony!' He called, this time louder and desperate, 'Remus!'_

_'Sirius?' The voice was unsure, albeit oddly hopeful. Sirius sighed in relief._

_'Yes, it's me, Moony.' He smiled into the darkness._

_'I can't see you, Sirius...' Then his soft voice became colder, 'Padfoot what are you doing here? I hate you. Why did you come?'_

_Sirius did not know what to say. The infamous Sirius Black: speechless. He found his voice, though his confidence faltered._

_'I- I wanted to see you, Remus. Always.' He waited anxiously._

_'Well, I don't want to see you.' The voice quivered, and Sirius shook his head with a melancholy smile._

_'We both know that's not true, Moony. If you didn't want to see me then I wouldn't be here. _You_ brought me here this time.'_

_'No... I didn't.' The voice softened and came closer, a breath away._

"_I saw you in Dumbledore's office today." Sirius wanted to say, but he was just happy to hear Remus's voice that he didn't bother. Besides, it might make Remus leave, and Sirius did not want that either. _

_Nervously, he reached out into the darkness, yearning for some sort of physical sign that Remus was actually there with him. The brush of his finger tips against the werewolf's cheek brought him unexplainable happiness and relief, and feeling the lycanthrope subconsciously lean in to the touch filled Sirius with a brilliant warmness. _

_He grinned ecstatically. _

_They remained like that for a few minutes, Sirius's smile gradually faltering, being replaced by a disconcerted one instead. _

_'The full Moon's on the eleventh.' Sirius whispered, and he felt Remus nod weakly beneath his fingers. 'I always know, Moony, even from where I am now.' Remus stilled. He did not move away, but he was no longer as submissive to Sirius's touch. When he spoke, he voice feigned anger._

_'I should hate you, Sirius. I want to hate you so much... Why do you do this to me?' Sirius stuttered in discomposure as he tried to answer the question._

_'I- I don't know...' _

_'Why do you taunt me like this?' _

_' Moony, please... I love y-'_

_'No.' The word was was not spoken loudly, but it echoed through the darkness as Remus pulled away. 'Don't you dare, Padfoot.' Sirius knew then that it was a mistake, he quickly responded,_

_'I'm sorry, Remus.' But he was only met with silence. _

_He ran forward, hoping to find the werewolf, but found nothing. He ran until his feet no longer sought the floor and instead he was falling. Falling through the bottomless darkness until he awoke, drenched in a cold sweat._

Aware of his damp surroundings, he quickly made to transform into Padfoot so his torturers would not seek him out.

So close...

* * *

**A/N: Whoo, I am back! I'm on a_ short _break from exams so I thought I'd post a few chapters this next week to make up for my absence. Once again, thank you for all the reviews, appreciate them all. :)**


	9. Revelation

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is life, but it isn't mine.**

* * *

Today.

Today was the day. The day Remus would find out the truth.

Why Sirius had done what he did? How could he have betrayed everyone he ever loved? So many questions that were left unanswered from Halloween.

He could not sleep the night before. Remus lay awake, bathed in his insomnia and worry, and twiddling his thumbs nervously. It had taken Dumbledore longer than he originally intended to grant him access to visit Azkaban, especially the high security sector. Because of this, the day Remus would visit Sirius was scheduled to be New years ev.

Since Remus agreed he would visit Sirius, the lycanthrope spent many a waking hour pondering through books in the Hogwarts library, looking for books on dreams, Dementors, and the dark arts. Remus always particularly liked Defence Against the Dark Arts when he was at school, so he had already read most of the books in that region. He chose to research Dementors just out of curiosity as to what their exposure did their victims. Despite all this though, the subject that had intrigued him the most was that of Dreams, if he could call what he was experiencing 'dreams'.

So far, it seemed that there was nothing worth while in regard to his situation, and seeing Sirius every night in his sleep was enough proof for Remus that the conclusion was going to be -as much as he hated to admit it- too uncanny to find in a book. Remus found (in a book Dumbledore had given him) that sometimes two people could obtain the ability to connect with each other through the unconscious mind. The book explained that this ability was a very powerful force of magic; some of it forming from eternal devotion and 'love'...

At which point Remus would close the book and roll his eyes. Despite what Sirius had been so eager to tell him in the only other dream where they had interacted properly, Remus refused to believe that Sirius still had the capacity to love.

* * *

When the sun shone in through his window on new years ev morning, Remus mechanically rose from his bed. He showered and dressed in his only clothes still salvageable (dully noting that the house elves had washed them for him). When he had finished, Remus stood before the mirror in his private bathroom, looking at his reflection for the first time in weeks.

His hair had grown so that it was now close to reaching his shoulders. Despite this though, it was still as knotted and wavy as it had ever been in their school years. The grey hairs -he noticed- were becoming more pronounced than he ever thought possible for a twenty one year old, as they merged with the gold and brown streaks in his hair. A few strands of the grey flickered to his eyes, which had more light than they had a few months ago, although this light was probably enhanced by the dark shadows that permanently resided beneath his eyes. He let his emerald orbs take in his shabby appearance.

His face and fingers (the only parts of his body not covered by clothing) were littered with scars, both new and old, giving him the look of a broken china doll, cracked and tainted. Remus wore a pair of denim jeans that were neither tight nor baggy, a black roll neck jumper and fingerless gloves. A long brown robe that was ripped in a few places but practical to wear non the less, was flowing from his shoulders elegantly.

'Yep. Remus Lupin you absolute sexy beast.' He muttered sarcastically, chuckling to himself as he left his room.

Remus skipped breakfast and ventured straight for the headmasters office. He did not have much of an appetite anyway.

He was pleasantly surprised to find that the headmaster was already there waiting for him when he got there.

'Ah Remus, I figured you would come early. Probably best, we need to be at the Ministry for nine.' Remus shivered at the mention of the Ministry, but nodded none the less.

'Sir, just out of interest, how are we getting to the Ministry?' He did not feel too comfortable apparating -not that you could apparate inside of Hogwarts; Hogwarts: A history taught him that much (but considering no one other than him had bothered to read it in his year, he was not sure anyone else was aware of that fact). Remus's main concern with that method of transport was that he still was not too comfortable touching other people _(not counting Sirius in his 'Dream', because Sirius DOES NOT COUNT, SHUT UP). _

'We will be going by Floo powder if that is all right, Remus?' The werewolf nodded.

'Of course, Si-er.. Albus.' Still getting used to it.

Dumbledore gestured into his fireplace and Remus obeyed, grabbing a handful of Floo Powder and stepping inside the archway.

'The Ministry of Magic.' He declared and disappeared into the green flames.

_Ugh, this is going to be torture..._

* * *

The journey as a whole was both fatiguing and draining for the werewolf. After countless searches and meaningless, awkward questions, Remus and Dumbledore were finally out at sea, in search of the tiny island of horror and imprisonment. The air was wet and salty, and the sky was monochrome despite the fact that it was midday.

Remus's teeth were chattering as winter snowflakes fell from above, making the lycanthrope wonder how the prisoners could survive in the everlasting coldness.

He stole a glance at Dumbledore only to find him detached from Remus's obvious discomfort with the weather. It worried Remus to see that Dumbledore was actually smiling, relaxed as he gazed ahead of their path. The guard accompanying them was also looking the the headmaster oddly, as if his beard had turned a distasteful bubblegum pink. Remus allowed himself to momentarily smile at the guards bizarre look to the Professors antics before he saw the shadowed tower from a distance.

The setting was as clichéd as it could get. Rain mixed with the snow as thunder began to roar from the clouds. Lightning struck at various intervals behind the island, illuminating Azkaban's contours down to every last detail. The faint screams of helpless prisoners could be heard, even through the howling of the wind. It was eerie and sinister. Remus paled as the boat pulled in to the shore.

The three wizards got out of the rickety boat and stumbled out of the now fully fledged storm and into the prison itself. The walls were pitch black, as was the floor. The only colour was the orange gleam of the fiery torches which sat upon the walls.

Remus and Dumbledore both handed their wands in to the guard (not that it mattered considering both wizards could perform wandless magic), who was now stationed behind a desk which appeared not to have been used much The two headed along the corridor that the guard had pointed out to them. The guard chose not to accompany them for obvious reasons.

_'Right mutters coming here...'_

Their footsteps echoed loudly through the walls as the screams began to silence when they approached. Muttering could be heard from some of the cells they passed, and when Remus chose to take a quick glance in some of them, he was always met with hopeless, dead eyes that absorbed all colour. Remus wondered, as they came closer and closer to their destination, whether Sirius had turned out the same as these beings in his two months inside.

Had it only been that long?

Those two months had felt like two years for Remus. Did it feel that long to Sirius?

Dumbledore stopped at the start of the highest floor; the high security department. He turned to Remus and forced a smile.

'I think I had best wait here, Remus. I understand that you probably want to undergo this alone.' Remus nodded.

'Thank you, Albus.' Dumbledore returned the nod.

'Third cell to the left.' His eye twitched as he stepped aside to allow Remus to pass.

The journey seemed to last an eternity. His footsteps were pounding into his ears, but they were quickly silenced by a manic laugh heard in the second cell to the right. Remus turned his head to see Bellatrix Lestrange staring at him from beneath heavy lidded eyes. Her hair was tangled and knotted, adding effect to her insane demeanour. To his horror she cackled louder at his look of bemused horror and began chiming,

'Ickle, ickle wolfy! Are you lost?' She gasped dramatically as she feigned shock. 'No! Ickle, wickle Wolfy came to find his mate. The half-breed bitch to a Black sleep. He trails after him like a lost puppy... Little, ickle puppy.'

Remus glared angrily at her and strolled away from the cell; away from the deranged laughter that echoed through him, sending shivers up his spine.

_'Ickle, wickle, Wolfy, clueless ickle puppy!'_

He stopped in his tracks when he was aware of where he was.

The third cell to his left.

He could not look at it. He faced forwards eyes wide. The deathly silence echoed through the hall was shattered by the hopeful voice to his left.

'Moony?'

Remus whipped his head around to stare in disbelief as Sirius moved into the light. His usually immaculate hair was knotted and greasy. His face was like death as his ivory skin was tightly pulled over his face, making his face gaunt and skull-like. His beautiful grey eyes matched the storm outside, surrounded by shadows much like Remus's. Sirius's frail hands gripped the bars of his cell as he lay on his knees, weakly gazing up at the werewolf.

'Moony? Remus, is it you?' Choking back a sob, Remus nodded and sank to his knees also to be at eye level with Sirius.

'Yes. Padfoot, it's me.' Sirius smiled in relief, leaning his forehead against the metal bars.

'I knew you would come... that is if you were indeed still alive. I didn't want to believe in false hope but-'

'Sirius.'

The animagus's mouth clamped shut as he stared into Remus's eyes, scared. 'What do you mean?'

Sirius looked downcast.

'You mean... you couldn't see me? I thought you could see me too...'

'Padfoot, I did see you too. I saw you everyday. You taunt me in my dreams, whisper things. I came today for answers.' Sirius's eyes shone.

'You _could_ see me!' He stated loudly, amazed. It didn't last long however as his overjoyed expression quickly dissolved into an angry one. 'But that means... Remus? HOW COULD YOU? HOW DARE YOU TRY TO KILL YOURSELF AGAIN! YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN'T!'

Sirius was never really one for subtlety... Or indoor voices...

He broke for breath, panting as his voice became strained from use.

Sirius, it seemed, was not the only one who could shout angrily though. He looked up to see the feral wolf present in the lycanthrope's eyes as a vein on his forehead twitched along with one eye. Remus was enraged.

'WHAT THE HELL, SIRIUS?! HOW DARE YOU SHOUT AT ME! WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE? YOU KILLED PRONGS AND LILY AND PETER. DON'T YOU DARE BERATE ME, BLACK, OR I SWEAR.' he pointed a bony finger at the prisoner, and spoke quieter this time, as if he were almost ashamed to voice these next words, 'You did this to me, Padfoot...'

Sirius shrank back into the shadows. He pulled this knees to chest and rocked slightly. He looked up into the werewolf's eyes and whispered.

'I didn't do it, Remus.' His voice shook, but his eyes were focused and intent. Remus's anger dissipated, replaced by befuddlement.

'What?... Don't lie to me, Sirius.' He sounded unsure of himself. The said animagus took advantage of this moment of doubt and crawled forward, back towards the werewolf. He came so close to Remus that the lycanthrope could hear the rugged breathing of the animagus. He spoke softly,

'I'm not lying, Moony. I did not betray James and Lily.' He paused as his voice changed monotonous, 'My letter would have told you that if you hadn't decided to burn it.' The last part came out as a hiss as he looked at Remus in accusation.

Sensing Remus's discomfort, he stuttered an apology and grabbed the metal bars again. 'Moony- Remus, I swear to Merlin: I did not do this. P-Peter... He's alive.' Sirius was desperate. He needed Remus to understand. 'He was the secret Keeper. Peter and I switched -James and Lily knew... we switched without telling Dumbledore... without telling you...'

Remus looked at him in disbelief and betrayal.

'P-Padfoot? What do you mean?'

'I'm so sorry, Remus, I thought it was you. I thought that you were the traitor. You went on all of these missions without confiding in us... in me... I didn't know what to think. It was Peter that stimulated my suspicions. When he first accused you of being the spy though, I wanted to punch him... I did punch him; broke his nose actually, but that's beside the point...

'He wouldn't leave the matter alone, constantly badgering me, trying to convince me that you were the guilty one. I didn't want to believe him, but gradually, he made me listen. It broke my heart some of it, Moony. It broke my heart because some of what he had said had actually made sense... He turned me against you.' Sirius's eyes were becoming glassy, and Remus's had begun to itch and burn, but no tears formed. He swallowed explicitly.

'That doesn't change the fact that you killed Peter, Sirius.' Sirius made a noise like a growl in the back of his throat.

'I never killed Wormtail. I meant to, but little Peter got the better of me, Moony. I was corrupt in my grief; I was set on my revenge. I wanted Peter to suffer for betraying James, Lily and Harry.' He kept his eyes on the lycanthrope, 'He's the reason our two best friends are dead, Remus. I couldn't just let him walk free knowing that.

'When I went to Godric's Hollow on Halloween, I had seen for myself what that damn rat had done. I was so mad, but I was ecstatic when I discovered that Harry had actually survived it all. After Hagrid told me that Harry was to go to Dumbledore, you could say I was less than satisfied, but grudgingly, I agreed. I gave Hagrid my bike so that he could take Harry safely, and set off to find Peter.

'I transformed into Padfoot and tracked him down. It wasn't hard, he stunk of fear and sweat. I quickly cornered him, but he yelled loud enough for the whole street to hear that I was the one to betrayed Lily and James... The bastard. I almost had him when he blew the half the street up with his wand behind his back. I had no idea he possessed that much magical ability... we all underestimated him though, I guess.

'After that, he turned on himself and sliced his ring finger off before transforming and escaping down a sewer drain... along with the other rats. I was dumbfounded. I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that poor insignificant Peter beat me. I have to admit now that it was probably a bad idea as it was probably the reason everyone now thinks I'm deranged... but it was hysterical at the time. I laughed until tears poured down my cheeks, because I knew then: my life was over... I would never see anyone I ever loved again. I would never see Harry or you again, and so you would never know truth... I knew then that I was destined to live the rest of my life alone.'

Tears had formed in Sirius's eyes; he seemed to not be able to take them off Remus. A stray tear created a small trail down his pronounced cheekbones, as he whispered in a sincere voice,

'I'm sorry, Remus.'

Remus, least to say, was gob smacked at this extensive speech; this confession. He did not want to contemplate the fact that Sirius might actually lying, but how did he know this was the truth?

'How do I believe you, Padfoot?' He asked solemnly, as he closed his eyes and unknowingly rested his head against Sirius's between the bars. He still did not like physical contact, but Sirius always was a special case. Sirius looked up, eyes still fixed on Remus, but not disturbing the touch.

'Let me show you, Moony.' Remus's eyes shot open.

'You are too weak for me to perform wandless Legitimens on you, Sirius.' He scolded, half heartedly. He cared about Sirius's well being (even if it could still turn out that he is, in fact, an insane, manipulative psychopath), but curiosity and longing for the truth were biting away at his conscience quickly.

Sirius gave him a I-Am-Sirius-Black-I-Do-Whatever-The-Fuck-I-Want look, and gently took Remus's face in his hands, whispering,

'Please, Remus.' The werewolf placed his own bony hands over the skeletal ones of Sirius and sighed in defeat.

'You persistent bastard.'

'You've always loved it.'

'Shut up, Black... Legitimens.'

_The darkness was lifted immediately, replaced by a bright August sunlight streaming through a very familiar window, lighting up the very clean kitchen of what had once been the Potters' residence._

_Remus saw three figures sat at the kitchen table. One with shining ebony hair that was tied up in a messy bun that -in any other situation- Remus would have been drooling over without shame. Sirius's expression was far from his usual hyper self as he seemed to be explaining something to the other two. One of the aforementioned wore a head of messy black hair that stuck up at odd angles; he wore thick square framed glasses that appeared to have fallen down his nose a bit during the start of the conversation. James had his hand clasped on top of Lily's, the third member of their party. Her hair was the colour of fresh strawberries and her lush eyes were brooding, obviously unconvinced with what Sirius was saying._

_'I think we should switch, Jamie.' Sirius blurted out. He covered his face in his hands in exhaustion and defeat. James looked disgruntled._

_'Why should we switch, Sirius? We trust you with our lives. What could possibly-?'_

_'Remus.' _

_Sirius's voice was monotonous and empty. The pair looked bewildered at this, but Lily was the first to recover as she challenged Sirius, ginger eyebrows knitted together in slight confusion._

_'What about Remus?' She asked in protectiveness._

_'What do you think, Lils?' Sirius mumbled from beneath his hands in slight agitation. _

_'What about Moony?' The question was spoken more forcefully this time, as it appeared that James had finally found his voice during the exchange and had chosen to back up his wife's inquiry. Sirius sighed loudly and removed his hands from his face, looking the couple in the eyes._

_'I think the Spy is Moony. I think we could switch Secret Keepers, everyone knows that I'm the easy option.' He spoke sadly. James looked unconvinced and asked,_

_'What makes you think it's Moony?'_

_'Wormtail pointed out a lot of things to me recently. The link between Moony's "Missions" and the Death eater attacks were and still are uncanny... as well as other stuff.' He whined, almost as if he did not want to believe it himself but was forced to. _

_Lily still looked puzzled._

_'But why does that mean we need to change secret keepers?' Sirius looked crestfallen and broken._

_'I-If it's Moony... I can't... I'd rather die than betray your secret, Prongs; Lils, but if it's Remus then I don't know what I'll do... I can't protect you knowing that the person I love is capable of bringing down the only family I ever loved with a single word... It's Moony... I can't explain it.'_

_Sirius abruptly stopped rambling, aware that what he saying was hardly coherent. He looked as if every word he said was causing him pain, making James feel commiserative towards his brother in everything but blood. He placed hand on his shoulder from across the table consolingly and soothed,_

_'I know Padfoot, I'm sorry. It's fine... We'll use Dumbledore instead, yeah?' Sirius was grateful for his friend's understanding, but he still divulged deeper as an epiphany just struck him._

_'No... I was actually thinking Peter.' Sirius perked up slightly and began to reason, 'I mean, he's the perfect choice. He's so under appreciated that no one would ever think that he was the one we used.' Yep, Sirius was never subtle. 'Think about it, I'd be the perfect bluff. Moony won't know and everything will be fine.'_

_James nodded slowly, understanding and accepting, but not agreeing, whereas Lily just huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, slouching back on her chair._

_'Fine. But I still don't think we have any reason to believe that Remus is the traitor, you know.' James looked at his wife in a silent plea__, and leant towards her._

_'Me too, but you're forgetting, this is Sirius. He's a stubborn git. Remus would never betray us and he knows it, deep down. Just play along...' He whispered just loud enough for only Lily to hear. Sirius did not notice anyway, he was merely staring at the table, eyes wide and tearful. _

_Remus watched the exchange, mouth slightly open in shock, albeit gratefulness towards his two friends for backing him up._

_'God, I hope it isn't Moony, Prongs. I really, really hope it isn't. But I can't take the chance, not with Harry to protect. He must come first. I may love Remus, and it may destroy me, but if it keeps Harry and you two safe, then I'd do anything.' His face was the epitome of serious, and the other three (including Remus) all believed him easily. _

_When Sirius was this determined, there was no contradiction to be considered._

_'Okay, fine. We'll change, but I'm warning you, Black, you're wrong about Remus.' Lily announced, irritated. Sirius smiled in gratitude._

_'Thank you.'_

Remus could not watch anymore, he had all he came for anyway, and forcefully pulled back from the memory. The connection was broken and the two fell back, panting from the prolonged excursion of wandless magic. Remus was the first to recover.

_He was telling the truth! He's innocent!_

'Sirius... I-' He began.

'Remus!'

It was Dumbledore. Remus's eyes broke away from Sirius in time to see four Dementors gliding towards him. He vaguely heard a dog like whimper and glanced quickly to see Padfoot backed away into the corner of his cell, watching Remus in worry and concern; knowing he could not help him this time.

Dumbledore had backed up to Remus's side and called in a very authoritative voice, 'Remus, this may seem far fetched, but can you think of a happy thought? If you can, then we might have a chance of getting out of here unscathed. It was very foolish of you to perform magic here, you know.' Remus glanced to his right, eyes never leaving the helpless dog.

'I know, Sir. I'm sorry, but Sirius-'

'Remus, I am aware of Sirius, but there is no time. Help me, now, or you'll never be able to save him.' He reasoned. Remus thought a moment.

_Sirius is innocent. I'll get him out. We'll find Harry. We'll be a family. _

_Sirius is innocent. Sirius is innocent. Sirius didn't betray us... didn't betray me..._

Remus's new found revelation catalysed his determination. Raising his wand arm in front of him, it took all of his and Dumbledore's strength to perform the incarnation as the coldness was rapidly biting at them,

'EXPECTO PATRONUM!'

The graceful silver Phoenix, and the sleek mystical wolf shot from beneath their fingertips and charged. Dumbledore's Phoenix circled the wizards' heads in protectiveness, while Remus's Wolf charged and attacked the Dementors, defending it's master fiercely. The Dementors backed away reluctantly, giving Dumbledore and Remus enough time to escape their grasp.

Of course, this was the point where Remus had decided to abandon all his logical reasoning, and -instead of departing hastily- turned and grasped Sirius's now fully human hands in his and squeezed lightly.

'Know that I forgive you, Padfoot. I'm going to get you out of here even if it's the last thing I ever do. Stay strong for me. I love you.'

Sirius nodded, biting his lip. Then, without thinking, pulled Remus into him and kissed him desperately and lovingly. He managed a smile when he found that Remus responded with equal devotion.

'REMUS!'

The lycanthrope reluctantly pulled away and, with one final look at Sirius, he sprinted down the corridor after Dumbledore, his patronus following obediently, Smiling slightly when he heard the quiet reply to his previous words.

'I love you too, Moony...'

* * *

'He's innocent! He's innocent! I can not believe it, how did I not see it before? Of course he would never betray us!' Remus had been rambling since they escaped the mournful island. For someone who had performed very advanced wandless magic in the presence of soul sucking monsters, he seemed worryingly unperturbed by the magic that was draining his energy.

'Yes Remus. I know.' Dumbledore replied for the sixth time, exasperated. Originally, he had joined in with the "celebration?", but now that the werewolf's hyperactive attitude had escalated so high that even Accio would struggle to bring him back, naturally the Professor was becoming a little irritated.

The duo now faced a full scale inquiry at the Ministry due to the events that took place during Azkaban, making Remus, once again, in a bad position with regard to the law as well as him also being in the media spotlight again -but at least the Prophet would not get out until tomorrow.

Back in Dumbledore's office, Remus had told Dumbledore the full story that Sirius had told him. He had to verify the story by reluctantly telling Dumbledore about his friends' marvellous accomplishments with regard to Transfiguration: Animagi.

Dumbledore seemed unperturbed by the tale. Instead, he had complimented The three Marauders for their high level use of Magic and marvelled at their determination to help their friend during his transformations. Remus was touched that the Headmaster saw it that way as opposed to scolding them for being foolhardy and accusing Remus of betraying his trust while at school -a thought which had plagued Remus with guilt for years.

The Professor seemed to find the Animagi tale extraordinary, his twinkling eyes lighting up to the point of blindness upon eye contact. It seemed that Dumbledore himself enjoyed a bit of mischief in regard to the rules -but of course any Marauder would already be aware of that fact. How else did they manage to pull off some of their less discreet pranks without being seriously reprimanded by their teachers?

'Sir?' Remus asked, carefully. The bubble of excitement deflating at last. 'How are we going to help get Sirius out?' The insightful werewolf puzzled. Dumbledore thought about the question.

'It certainly does seem like quite the conundrum, doesn't it Remus?' The lycanthrope nodded. 'The Ministry's opinion of you is foul at the best of times, but now I'm pretty sure when I say that any reasoning you may have about Sirius's innocence would be dutifully ignored completely by the authorities.' He smiled apologetically. 'You and Sirius's antics appear to have marred my position at the Ministry also.' Dumbledore added, eyes momentarily sparkling.

'Forgive me, Sir... Albus.' Remus bowed his head.

'No need, no need. Remus, it's fine. I dare say they were becoming a little too reliant on me after everything anyway. Time to, er... set the bird free, if we were to put it into an analogy that is.' He reassured.

'But what are we going to do, Sir?' Remus asked earnestly.

'I have a theory.' Dumbledore concluded after an extensive period of silence. 'It would require great patience, and you would need to be able to play your part well.' He riddled.

'Like the werewolf missions?' Remus pondered.

'Yes, I guess you could say that, Remus. You see, from what Sirius has informed you, it seems that Peter Pettigrew is in fact alive, therefore meaning that he must be hiding somewhere in Britain as the rat -or Wormtail as you call him- considering the fact that there have been no known sightings of him since Halloween. My theory suggests that if you were to go undercover and gather information from un-convicted Death Eaters on the whereabouts of Pettigrew and whether or not his loyalty is with the Order, or the Death Eaters, then we might have a chance of unmasking him to the Ministry and proving Sirius's innocence.

'The work will be hard, but I am fully confident that it will pay off if it sets an innocent man free.' Dumbledore gazed at the lycanthrope, 'Be aware, Remus, that the only person that I would trust with this task would be you.' he finished, waiting for the worewolf's reaction. He was glad to see that Remus's face was set and that his posture was firm.

'Anything, Albus. I'd do anything to help Sirius. It's not right that he should be convicted for a betrayal he never took part in, nor for the murders that he never committed.' His passion to help Sirius was fierce.

'I completely agree, Remus.' His expression turned inquiring, 'Are you prepared for this task though? This will not be an easy process, and it is essential that you undergo this alone for the sake of your safety. It may even take years to even find a trace of Pettigrew. Are you prepared to risk your life and dedicate your existence to this?' Remus seemed a little unhinged at the thought of it taking years to find Wormtail, but time would not discourage him.

'I'm not just doing this for Sirius, sir.' He challenged. 'I'm doing this for Harry. Harry deserves to know the truth, regardless of when he is informed of it, but I will not allow him to grow up believing that his Godfather was the catalyst that destroyed his family.' He exhaled shakily. 'I would also not be able to live knowing that I could've helped free Sirius of that prison and reunite him with his Godson, but didn't. You have my full commitment Albus.'

Dumbledore nodded, impressed with the answer, and smiled admirably at the werewolf.

'Very well, Remus. I believe you.' Remus obtained his look of determination.

'When do I start, Albus?'

* * *

**Werewolves: Pioneering or plotting?**

**Dumbledore's golden werewolf: Remus Lupin, is once again the centre of attention at the Ministry of Magic after a recorded visit to Azkaban earlier yesterday caused an outbreak of enraged Dementors on the Prisoners', resulting in two high security prisoners being kissed by the foul creatures. **

**It is believed that the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: Albus Dumbledore, had managed to 'pull a few strings' at the Ministry of Magic, granting the Werewolf access to the over sea prison. Now what, dear readers, was so important on that island that lead to the omniscient Professor accompanying Lupin to it's fortress of depression and solitude?**

**The answer ****is****, of course, Sirius Black.**

**Mass murderer Sirius Black -rumoured to have had an imitate relationship with Lupin- was reported to be the sole reason that the werewolf and Professor visited Azkaban. The facts as to the reason behind the visit are not yet spilled, but it is reported that Lupin performed wandless magic during his visit, stimulating the uproar from the Dementors.**

**Wandless magic is regarded as a very advanced form of magic, leading us to wonder: Is Lupin's constant lack of abiding the rules a personal stand to gain more diversity for werewolves, or merely a blatant disregard to a organised, judicial society around him due to his feral instincts? Either way, is this the start of a massive protest movement for equality for Werewolves, or the start of another irrational war?**

**In years to come, will Lupin be labelled as the symbol of werewolf rights, or the stirrer that had to be dealt with quickly by the authorities before he managed to spread his rebellious nature to others?**

'Way to blow the whole thing out of proportion...' Remus muttered before throwing the Prophet into the fire.

* * *

After hours of research, sleepless nights, and mountains of paperwork, Remus was finally prepared for his mission.

He had watched the papers for months, looking out for any word on Sirius's well being. So far, he had found nothing. He was becoming very unsettled by this as he had not seen Sirius in any of his dreams since the visit to Azkaban. Because of this, Remus spent a lot of his time berating himself for performing Legitimens on the weak man -even if it did, in the end, prove that Sirius was innocent.

For the first part of his mission, Remus had to track down the recent whereabouts of former Death Eaters who had escaped charge at the Ministry. His plan was to live amongst them; gain their trust, then find out anything important with regard to Sirius or Wormtail.

Luckily for him, none of the Death eaters (besides Malfoy) would ever properly recognise him when he joined them anyway. During the war, Remus had spent the majority of it with his own kind and had therefore fought less against the other death eaters (despite his advanced magical ability at duelling). As well as this, they were not likely to recognise him because although the Prophet may have written a substantial amount about him these past months, they had no pictures of him to project to the wizarding world; making his identity anonymous to anyone in society.

Despite this though, Remus still had to take precautions. He had grown his hair so that it was now to his elbows and grew his facial hair so that he looked more feral and threatening. Remus had allowed the wolf side of him to emerge upon the surface -but only in appearance- allowing Moony to shape his new structure. He built up his werewolf strength, resulting in his bulging veins becoming even more prominent all over his body. Remus also used a charm to pale his skin, this allowed his scars to stand out more so than they already did. Remus even went as far as breaking his own nose -with magic of course- to further disguise who he really was.

He was taking no chances. Remus needed to help Sirius.

Dumbledore met him in the Entrance Hall when he was ready to depart, saying his farewell's.

'Are you ready, Remus?' He asked the lycanthrope despite already knowing the answer. Remus nodded, face serious, making his whole demeanour look ever more intimidating, not that it was targeted towards the Headmaster.

'Definitely, Albus.'

'You know that you must not contact anyone once you get there. Through your research, it looks like the Death eaters live in a very secluded area, away from preying eyes, and I gather that any contact you make with the outside world among them will be considered a threat towards them.'

'I am well aware of the risks, Professor.' Remus reminded, albeit not bitterly.

'I know Remus, forgive an old man.' They shared a mutual smile momentarily before the tense atmosphere was restored. 'I was just pointing out that anything you have to say will need to be said now.' He looked at Remus knowingly, who let his firm façade down for a moment to think.

'I think I'd just like to say thank you, Albus. Not many would have persevered with me long enough to allow me to flourish from my sombre cocoon.' He chuckled at that, 'but also, not many would have persevered long enough to uncover the amount of truth we have discovered... and not many would be willing risk the amount you have for someone... well, someone like me.' Remus smiled sadly. 'So, actually thinking about it, I don't think "Thank you" is going to cut it.'

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled their trademark flash and he nodded in understanding.

'You truly are one of kind though, Remus. I'd do it again any time. You have also taught me that sometimes an analytical approach may not be the best option for dealing with my students. This is a lesson I'm afraid that I must grow to accept.' He smiled as Remus's lips could match Professor McGonagall's. 'Now, do not get me wrong, Remus, the analytical approach does work in the majority of cases, but this time, personal understanding triumphed, would you not agree?' Remus hesitated.

'I suppose...' Although he did crack a half smile.

'Well then, I do not want to keep you too long. Farewell for now, Mr Lupin. I put all my faith in you.'

Remus smiled in thanks and, after much consideration, held out a shaking right hand for Dumbledore to shake. The Professor, to say the least, appeared shocked, but did not hesitate to grasp the trembling hand for a quick handshake.

'Farewell, Professor. Until we meet again.'

Remus then turned from the Headmaster and proceeded to walk towards his mission; his new purpose in life.

He was going to prove Sirius's innocence, even if it killed him..

* * *

**A/N: Wow that was a long chapter, but I hope you liked it! Sorry for dragging this story out, but I promise there will be a happy ending. Thank you for the great reviews. I'll try to update soon. :)**


	10. Mr V Sharp

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is life, but it isn't mine.**

* * *

The work was hard, but Remus knew that it would be worth it if it made Sirius a free man again.

The Death Eaters' had not been easy to track as they moved around a lot. It had taken Remus over two months to finally find them. When he did find them though, he made sure not to let them out of his sight. The lycanthrope followed the Dark wizards, watching and observing them. There were three of them in total; Remus recognized two of them as Walden Macnair and Thorfinn Rowle from his friends' tales of them during the war. The third though, he could not fathom.

Rowle was almost as tall as Remus, Macnair being slightly shorter. Through the werewolf's observations, he had deduced that they acted as the brawn of the group. The third member, naturally, was indeed much shorter than the first two. He was sharp and fast. He had a pointed nose and piercing, hawk-like brown eyes. He had auburn hair that was gelled back smoothly. He clearly dominated the trio.

Remus watched them now from where he was hiding behind some brushes. His fingers dug into the ground in anticipation and general feral instinct. The feel of dirt beneath his fingertips was refreshing for the lycanthrope as it allowed him to embrace the wolf inside of him; temporarily unlocking the cage Moony was trapped in prior the full moon and allowing his senses to run wild.

The Death Eaters' journey brought them to a small village, where they entered a local Tavern. Noting that the village was muggle populated, Remus followed suit with caution. The group were at the bar, ordering drinks. The third member of the party seemed to have some basic knowledge of the muggle world, as they ordered their Brandy without any inconvenience and made their way to an empty table, free of eavesdroppers.

Remus continued to watch them for a few minutes after making his own way to the bar. To make himself appear inconspicuous, he ordered a glass of water at the bar as began to lightly sip at it. In his head, he was carefully planning his next move. Even in school, Remus had always been the strategic one and knew that without decent planning, he would never hope to accomplish his task.

Remus knew how to play the game. He had played it many times before during his Werewolf missions.

The time was now.

Making his move, he stood from the bar and strolled over to the table -he posture was relaxed albeit threatening at the same time. His left hand was placed inside his pocket, grasping at his wand. Remus made himself known to the Death Eaters', who were immersed in a light conversation, by coughing ruggedly. The three wizards immediately ceased their conversing and turned to face him. Macnair lit a cigarette to make his appearance appear bolder, although he did not pull it off well as he was staring at Remus apprehensively.

'What do you want?' He snapped aggressively, appearing very blasé towards the supposed intruder.

Remus was unconvinced.

The werewolf tapped his wand gesturing the Death Eaters towards it. It was not a threatening move, he was just informing them of his status and warning them not to try anything on him. When spoke, his voice was confident and practised well.

'I am one of you, but you have no reason to fear me' He stood at his fullest height, towering over them. Rowle began to rise from his chair to challenge the werewolf, but the third Death Eater placed a firm hand and Rowle's chest and pushed him back down in his seat again. Then, he turned to observe Remus questioningly.

'Who are you?' He asked, bemused.

'John Moony.' Remus replied easily, not offering a handshake. 'Why? Who did you expect me to be?' He asked out of genuine interest.

'None of your damn business.' a very surly Rowle replied, mopily.

'No one.' The third interrupted, eyes never leaving Remus's. 'Forgive me for my friends' behaviour. We did not expect to happen upon a wizard in an area like this.'

Remus nodded in acknowledgement to the Death Eater's words, as he studied him intently. The man was cunning; a snake in the grass. He was a true Slytherin. Remus would have to be careful with him.

'Why did you come?' Macnair questioned, cigarette hanging from his chapped lips. Remus broke from his thoughts and turned towards him.

'The same reason as you.' He replied. Then, he lowered his voice and mumbled. 'Supporters of what is right for wizarding kind are more excluded from society than Mudbloods.' He spat the word. 'Supporters of the Dark Lord are hard to find now a days, especially those who wish to resurrect their mater.'

Rowle and Macnair still appeared weary of the lycanthrope and looked towards the third member of the group, whose face remained impassive as he nodded for Remus to continue.

'Why did I come, you ask? Well, it's simple: I am more rejected from society than you three put together. I am labelled the lowest of low. I came here today to join you once I heard that you were in search of our Dark Lord. It is my wish to join you and bring him back to his former glory.' He paused as his mouth curled into a sneer. 'I must inform you, I will be an easy man to work with 28 days out of 29.'

Remus traced long scar crossing his eye. 'Fenir Greyback may be the most well known of my kind to be in league with the Dark Lord, but I am the one he trusts the most. Greyback lacked understanding, charisma and knowledge. I was brought up in the Wizarding World, where he was not. I had, and still have, all the skills he did not.

'It is my mission to find my Master and bring him back, as is yours.' He finished smoothly, looking at the trio challengingly. The third Death Eater spoke up first.

'You have a wand. Can your kind perform magic?' He asked in interest, nodding towards Remus's left pocket.

Remus nodded in response.

'Show me.' He commanded.

Remus raised a sardonic eyebrow, but released his wand, twirling it around his fingers absent-mindedly.

'Wandless or not?' He asked without looking at the Death Eater, who in turn raised his own eyebrow at the question.

'Any you choose.' He replied, curiously.

Remus nodded once and returned his wand to his pocket. He stood firmly in front of the Death Eaters and gazed at them all in turn with his piercing emerald eyes without moving his head once. The three all waited anxiously for Remus to make his move, but he did not. The only movement he made was that of his long hair which blew with the breeze that entered in through the window. After a while, Macnair broke the silence with a mocking laugh,

'Ha! I knew it! He's nothing but a half breed-'

But he never got the chance to finish his statement as Remus turned his head towards him and winked. The cigarette between Macnair's lips roared as the stick ignited fiercely. The Death Eater had just enough time to spit the fag from his mouth, panting as he stared up at the werewolf in shock, eyes wide. Remus flashed him a cocky smile and took out his wand to extinguish the flames before curious Muggles could cast their prying eyes over.

The third Death Eater let out a bark of laughter, apparently satisfied with Remus's magical ability. He motioned the seat next to him, which the lycanthrope took, being cautious not to touch the evil man. He drank from his glass of water, feigning a relaxed countenance as the Death Eater calmed and spoke,

'Oh, my friend you are in. We could do with a man like you.' He cried ignoring the hisses the other two made from the side of him. He sobered up quickly and began in a more serious tone, 'So tell me, John: how did you find us? I was under the impression that we were untraceable.'

Remus chuckled, and replied before taking another sip,

'Never underestimate a man set on his mission.'

'Indeed.' Rowle added, apprehensively. 'But that does not answer my friend's question.' He pointed out. Remus turned towards him and addressed him defensively,

'I admit that I knew I could not undergo my mission alone, so I have searched many a month for people like you for me to join. When I saw you three enter this village today, I sensed that you were magical, and I detected that you had the same interests as me. Now, one does not pass such a brilliant opportunity easily, so I simply had to interact with you, and make you accept me as the servant just as dedicated to their Lord as you are.' He finished.

Remus had been trained in this area very well for many years. He knew how to play his cards right. He looked towards the Death Eaters in acknowledgement, which they gave with a nod of understanding. Remus knew then that he had won them over. 'Now I'm afraid, however...' He continued, they looked at him, almost frightened, '...that I still do not know the names of my new companions.' He finished, wallowing in the amusement of seeing the trio relax.

'Forgive me.' The third replied, 'Allow me to introduce ourselves. Firstly, this is the man of whom you almost burned his face off: Walden Macnair.' He gestured to the said Death Eater, who lifted his head, glaring at Remus.

'Apologies, Macnair, for my earlier intentions. I had not intended to put you in any danger.' Macnair accepted the apology swiftly; the grudge dissipated. The third continued.

'This is Thorfinn Rowle.' Moving his hand, he was now pointing towards the large man next to Macnair, who was pouting petulantly. Remus acknowledged him with a short smile. He had to get these people to like him if he had any chance of gathering information.

'Moony.' He man replied moodily.

'The pleasure's all mine, Rowle.' He joked, subtly. Rowle did not catch on so the third Death Eater continued their introduction,

'And finally, I am Viktor Sharp. Glad to make your acquaintance.' He held out his hand for Remus to shake. Remus contemplated the said hand before gripping it back forcefully, inwardly squirming.

_Keep it together, Lupin. Think of Sirius._

The Death Eater released his hand smiled at Remus in acceptance, persuading the other two to follow with a look. 'Well, now that we know one another, I say another round of Brandy is in order!' Sharp declared, standing and making his way over to the bar, while Macnair and Rowle nodded enthusiastically.

_Merlin, this is going to be a long night..._Remus thought exasperatedly. He could not deny however, that he was internally jumping for joy at the thought that he was now even closer to saving Sirius.

* * *

Remus had always believed that first impressions were often the most important.

Luckily for him, with this group of Death Eaters, his belief was proven to be right. Macnair and Rowle were no longer vexed by him, only a little intimidated -which in all honestly, was understandable considering Remus nearly set one of them alight only several minutes after interrupting the man's conversation to introduce himself.

Sharp, however was warming up to Remus in a more worrying sense. Despite the fact he was basically an outsider, the Death Eater appeared unperturbed by this and would regularly inform Remus of their plans (albeit only the basics). Sharp had told Remus that they were planning on travelling to Albania, as it is rumoured that Voldemort had been spotted there, or some sort of spirit linked to their old master anyway.

It was really quite confusing for the lycanthrope, especially when Sharp idly remarked something about a 'Horcrux', whatever that was... Dumbledore might know, but Remus could've sworn that he had heard the word before. Macnair and Rowle, bless their evil, dense souls, did not seem to have a clue as to what one was either, making Remus feel slightly more intelligent, as he at least recognised the word. Remus guessed that Sharp must have been in the high ranks during the war to know as much as he did about the mysterious Lord Voldemort.

Not long after that conversation, Remus found out that Sharp had only escaped Azkaban after Voldemort's downfall because he was on a mission aboard during the time.

_Lucky bugger,_ Remus thought.

As for the information Remus was gradually finding more and more about, it would be an understatement to say that the lycanthrope was becoming only slightly concerned that the evidence supporting Voldemort's whereabouts was valid and entirely possible. He was also concerned that he had no choice but to aid these Dark wizards in their little quest. The werewolf knew that he had to stop them before any serious damage could be made, but not before he had squeezed every last bit of information out of them concerning Sirius and Wormtail.

It was only when Remus could tell that he had gained their full trust and dissipated all their wariness about him that he began to ask questions (a full three months after introducing himself might he add), although he would not do it directly to Sharp as he, for all it's worth, lived up to his name and is more likely to catch Remus out if he said the wrong word. No, he was going to have his little chat with the other two first.

After they were intoxicated, of course...

'Rowle, Rowle, Rowley, my maaan,' Remus called out, feigning his alcohol induced haze, 'Tell me something,'

Rowle chortled at 'John Moony's' drunken shenanigans as his portly face became as purple as a grape (oh, the effect alcohol had on Vasodilation, Remus thought, holding back a snort of amusement).

'Anything, Moony! Did you know that I absolutely love cats?!' He cried, misinterpreting Remus's words. But thinking about it, to Remus this would be a better topic to start on. He quickly planned his strategy.

'Really?!' He replied, shocked. 'Strange, Rowle, I didn't take you for a lover of anything fuzzy!' This caused Macnair to snigger from beside Remus. His face was also red and blotchy.

'Anything hairy more like.' He giggled, 'You'll have to watch out, Johnny boy.' Rowle glared at Macnair as if looks could cremate his comrade on the spot. He became defensive.

'That's bullshit, Macnair and you know it.' Then his anger vanished and he lowered his voice, bringing his face closer to Remus, beckoning the werewolf to do the same.

Remus, intrigued, obliged. 'I think it's Sharp th't you gotta watch out for, Moony.' He whispered warningly. Remus, least to say, was shocked.

'What on Earth do you mean, my man?' He whispered loudly back. Macnair, overhearing, let out a bark of laughter.

'"What do you mean"?' He mimicked, 'Sharp's a ponce you nit wit!' He cackled, 'Surprised he hasn't jumped you yet! Bloody obsessed that one!' He noted Remus's startled expression. 'My god, man! Don't tell me you haven't noticed!'

'Shhhh!' Rowle interrupted, 'He might be back soon!'

Remus felt somewhat uncomfortable by this new news. So that explained Sharp's recent closeness towards the werewolf and constant presence around him.

Then again, he must have been a little ignorant to this, especially when he realised that only now had he just managed to shake Sharp off him, asking the Death Eater to order more drinks to bring up to the group's room. Sharp, at the time, was drunk as a skunk -much like the other two- but he was still presentable, and so he willingly obliged with a courteous bow to the lycanthrope.

'Fuck!' He muttered. The other two nodded, sympathetically. Getting caught up in the gossip, Remus had almost forgotten that he had a reason for getting these lot dunk tonight. He coughed uncomfortably. 'So Macnair, Rowle it seems has an odd fetish to cats! What's yours?'

Macnair looked at him funnily as if he had just asked him which was better: A flobberworm or a Blast Ended Skwert.

'Don't really like animals to be 'onest.' He replied, yawning. 'Don't mind killing them, though.. 'specially birds... maybe a Hippogriff, they're big; they'd make a satisfying noise.' He added casually.

Sensing that the conversation was going to spiral off into a sadistic one if Macnair was not stopped, Remus stepped in, acting hero for Rowle, who looked positively alarmed at the thought of a Hippogriff being beheaded... or maybe just Macnair killing a kitten -Rowle, after all, had the attention span of a Goldfish.

_Well, wouldn't anyone be shocked at that? _The rational side of Remus reasoned.

'That's nice, Macnair... Did you know though,' His voice increased in pitch slightly to engage them, 'that I absolutely love dogs?!' He declared, taking a swig from his glass.

'Would've thought that'd have been obvious...' Macnair dead-panned, 'being a werewolf and all.' Then his expression became curious and a little mischievous. 'Hey, John, have you ever fucked a dog?'

Remus snorted into his drink.

'How old are you, Macnair?' He questioned, wiping his face with the back of his dirty sleeve.

'Shit, he's not denying it!' The Death Eater cried out, laughing. Even Rowle, after he overcame the obscenity of the topic of conversation, began to chuckle. Remus's face was the only one that was not amused.

'Define dog.' he asked. Macnair, for his part, looked a little put out.

'Animal.' He replied.

'I really fucking hope not.' Remus answered seriously, shaking his head. This only caused the other two to dissolve into giggles once again though.

Then, an idea found it's way into Remus's head. He waited for the other two to calm down before turning to Rowle.

'So, Thorfinn my friend, as a cat lover, what's your opinion of rats?' He asked, nonchalantly. Rowle's laughter ceased immediately and he hissed in disgust.

'Hate the bloody things, John. Can't stand them.' Remus nodded in understanding.

'Know what you mean, mate. Nasty little buggers.'

'What's a nasty little bugger?' Sharp asked, entering the room, levitating the tray of drinks as he opened the door, joining the other three. Remus remained quiet as Rowle explained.

'We were just talking about rats, Viktor.' He took his pint from the tray and added, 'Ta mate.' Remus thought it was a good time as any to prolong the topic of conversation.

'So Sharp, what do you think of rats? Personally, I can't stand them.' He stated. Sharp handed the drinks out and sat down beside Remus in the empty space on the sofa, thinking about the question.

'The animal: Blech! Dirty little pests, but when one talks, you can't help but loathe their entire existence.'

'Interesting view...' Remus pondered, swirling his drink in his hands. 'I assume you're talking about **Rat: A despicable person, especially one who has been deceitful or disloyal** as opposed to the rodent?' He defined with ease. Macnair and Rowle looked incredulously at him, while Sharp scoffed.

'Obviously.' He answered through heavy lidded eyes. Remus gulped, but still playing his part coolly.

'So, I take it you've known a rat?' He asked, looking back at the Death Eater curiously. Sharp threw a relaxed arm around the side of the sofa and gazed back at the werewolf,

'Inevitably so, yes.' He replied, mysteriously, 'We all have.' He pointed out. Remus played along, already knowing the answer.

'And who would that be?' He asked.

'You mean you don't know?!' Macnair cried from where he was perched at the window still of their room.

'You forget that the Dark Lord assigned me a very secluded mission, Macnair.' Remus defended stoniy, before turning towards Sharp once more,

'But from what the prophet has been spreading, you can't possibly mean that this has anything to do with Sirius Black, does it?' He inquired, curiously. Sharp chuckled, amused.

'It does seem like that, doesn't it? But no, dear friend, Sirius Black was not the rat; the double crosser that double crossed us. No, Sirius Black was wrongly convicted as a Death Eater, but who cares about a mongrel like him? He had it coming anyway, filthy Blood traitor fag.' He sneered. 'So John, you see, the Prophet, the law, _Dumbledore_ have been wrongly informed, you see... the rat was never Black. It was little Peter Pettigrew.'

'Pettigrew?' Remus cried out in shock, 'That can't be right!' Sharp nodded, enjoying Remus's befuddlement.

'Oh yes, no one ever suspected it, did they? Luckily for him, Black managed to finish him off before we Death Eaters' got the chance.' He punched a cushion in frustration. 'I'd have made his death very painful, made him pay for what we did.' He added in confidence, as if he were trying to impress Remus. The werewolf only appeared sceptical.

'You know, I heard that Black never finished off Pettigrew.' He mentioned. He felt three pairs of eyes lock onto him and continued, 'Do any of you read the Prophet?' He asked out of interest.

'Until the New year.' Rowle answered for them, sobering up sightly, 'Why?'

Remus knew what he was doing was slightly risky, but he knew that while they were much more drunk than he was, he could easily gain the upper hand if things got out of hand.

'Did any of you read that article about the Werewolf that visited Azkaban?' He asked. The other three nodded suspiciously. Remus scoffed, and he straightened his posture, 'The Werewolf, goes by the name of Remus Lupin, used to live with one of my many packs back during the War, you know.' He informed them, capturing their undivided attention.

'Lupin came to me after his visit to Azkaban -he trusts me you see.' Remus continued, 'Told me that Black managed to convince him that Pettigrew was in fact still alive, by saying that he could transform into a rat.' He declared.

'You've got to be kidding me?' Rowle cried in disbelief.

'I seldom kid, Rowle.' Remus replied stoically. 'Pettigrew's alive, I know that much, but I was never told the importance of all this until tonight.' He looked at all three in tern, then fixed his gaze on Sharp. 'Now that I know what Pettigrew did, I want him dead also, he sent our master to the Potter's; to his fall.' His teeth were bared, making him look rabid.

'I want him dead.' He repeated, looking at Sharp, longingly. Sharp may be cunning, even while intoxicated, but now Remus knew his weakness, and he intended to play that to his advantage.

'Me too.' Sharp replied sincerely. Remus had him like a ferret to a Hippogriff.

'Before we journey to Albania, promise me that I can kill him first.' Remus whispered seductively to Sharp, who shivered.

The group were still migrating around Britain so the ask was not too much of them, plus any delay on them trying to resurrect Voldemort was a bonus for Remus.

'Anything, John.' Sharp reassured him, smoothly. 'Do you have a plan, though?' He asked.

Remus smiled mischievously and replied,

'Of course...'

* * *

Once the other's had fallen asleep, Remus stood from the sofa and walked up to the window to gaze up at the stars. Remus had always loved the stars, but inevitably there was one that he loved most of all: Sirius.

Smiling up serenely, he placed his hands inside his deep robe pockets to find a card like material beneath his right hand.

_What's this? _Remus thought to himself bringing the object into view and switching it into his dominant left hand. It was the box; Sirius's box. The one he never had the courage to open. He played with the box between his hands before contemplating whether or not to open it.

The time felt right, and Remus could not help but feel a little curious about what was so important about its contents. Also, knowing that Sirius was indeed innocent also sparked a fire inside Remus that made him want to know what was inside the box.

Taking the red ribbon holding the box together, he pulled, opening the package and exposing the insides for Remus to gaze upon.

It was a golden pendant, containing a shining sapphire gem at the centre. It reminded Remus of Sirius's eyes whenever the light would catch them, making the tiny blue fragments of his iris' shine against his usual stormy grey.

Remus smiled as he placed the pendant around his neck. Also, under where the sapphire had lain, he noticed a small note which was written in delicate cursive on the packaging. Remus brought it into the light reflected from the waning moon, and read,

Dearest Moony,

_Wear this, and I'll always be with you__. __Wear this, and I'll always protect you. Forever._

_-Padfoot._

'Thank you, Sirius.' Remus whispered, holding the stone around his neck in his fist and looking up at the shining dog star in the sky, hoping that one day, he could thank Sirius in person, when he became a free man.

* * *

**A/N: Whoo another chapter done and dusted, and my first OC has been introduced... Hmmm... Just a note: When it came to Remus's transformations, they were always able to find a cellar or basement or anything like that, so, yeah... Anyway, I'll try and update soon before Exams resume again after the holidays. Thanks for all the reviews so far. :)**


	11. The Rat

**_Disclaimer: Harry Potter is life, but it isn't mine._**

**_Warning: Evil people/ dark themes_**

* * *

_'Remus...' _

_He whispered in disbelief. __'Remus are you there?' He called again, this time a little louder. _

_He waited in the everlasting black hole of his mind._

_'Sirius?' A familiar voice called out in response. Sirius sighed in relief._

_'Moony, I found you...' He reached out for the lycanthrope and caught his hand, entwining it with his own in the darkness._

_He leant into the touch when Remus used his free hand to stroke Sirius's cheek. _

_'I thought you were dead, or worse kissed.' The lycanthrope muttered remorsefully. 'I shouldn't have done what I did. I could've hurt you.' Sirius, much to the werewolf's surprise, chuckled softly. _

_'I'm sensing a theme.' He explained after sensing the worried look Remus was giving him. 'Use some variation, Remus. Been there, done that, got the Prison Uniform.' He joked, trying to lighten the situation. When Remus remained tense, Sirius sighed and rubbed circles around Remus's knuckles. He continued, 'Sorry, Moony... I'm just excited to talk to you again.'_

_Remus relaxed at that._

_'Ditto, Pads.'_

_'So tell me, what was so important that lead to my Moony ignoring me for at least a year? I thought you were going to save me.' He asked, teasingly._

_'It's been five months, Sirius.' Remus replied, concerned. Sirius's face paled and his smile faltered slightly -luckily for him, Remus could not see him._

_'Really?... Seems much longer...'_

_Now that Sirius thought about it though, of course it had only been five months. He had counted five moons, but time ran so slowly in Azkaban that Sirius was starting to become confused more and more. He squeezed Remus's hand in a silent plea as if to say "Get me out of here, Moony"._

_'I'm trying, Padfoot.' Remus assured him, as if reading his mind. 'And as for leaving you? Well, I think the only reason I'm here now is because I've consumed a fair bit of alcohol...' Sirius eyed Remus at the latter and snorted._

_'That's rude, you know, getting drunk without me.' Remus sniggered,_

_'Not really, if it's for a cause.' He reasoned._

_'Oh? What cause would that be?' Sirius asked, intrigued._

_'It's all part of my plan to get you out of here, Padfoot.' Remus replied mysteriously. The tone of his words implied that did not want to discuss the subject further, so Sirius dropped it._

_He smiled sadly at the lycanthrope. 'Can't wait until you get me out of here Moony.' He sighed, 'I don't know how to thank you for what you're doing for me and Harry.' His stormy eyes sparkled. Remus, in response, kissed him on the nose affectionately. Whether he was aiming for Sirius nose or not, the animagus would never know, but he sniggered at the gesture anyway._

_'You can thank me by staying alive...' Remus muttered. _

_Suddenly though, the werewolf started to spasm, as if someone was controlling him like a rag doll._

_Remus's touch vanished, leaving Sirius alone once more; Remus's name on his lips. Sirius was not as worried as he used to be by these abrupt ending to his dreams, but he could not help but wonder what sort of danger lay ahead for the lycanthrope, and whether he would be okay..._

_However, with over ten years of knowing Remus, Sirius believed that the lycanthrope could survive anything... _

* * *

'JOHN! JOHN, WAKE UP!' Rowle was shaking Remus roughly as the lycanthrope jolted awake.

'What, Rowle?!' Remus shouted, irritated that he had been awoken.

'We need to get out of here quick. Sharp said that he saw Ministry officials outside. We gotta go!' Rowle explained, he seemed to be experiencing a hangover by the looks of his countenance. His face was grey and saggy, with bags dark enough to match Remus' under his eyes. His beady eyes were glassy, but alert, aware of the danger around him.

'Where are the others, Rowle? We need to apparate before they cast the Anti-Apparation charm on the area.' Remus explained.

As soon as the words left Remus's lips, the door swung open, allowing the other two members of their party to join them. They made their way over to Remus and Rowle at a jog.

'Hurry up!' Remus yelled. 'Everyone take my hand.' He inwardly squirmed as their filthy hands touched his (even though he was wearing fingerless gloves to protect him), but did not complain explicitly.

Quickly, Remus thought of the first place that came into his mind and they disapparated.

...

The quartet landed with a loud thud on the forest floor. Remus had apparated them to a forest in the country, around eight miles west from where his father now lived after the death of Remus's mother, and ten miles from the Weasley's and Lovegood's. The location had been ideal for Remus during Transformations (only when the other Marauders were present though of course -can't have Moony running around on his own), as it was the only undisturbed place in the area.

The group got to their feet and looked around. Sharp was the first to comment.

'Where are we, John?'

'The out skirts of Devon.' Remus replied, 'No one will find us here.' He assured him.

Remus then proceeded to cast some protection charms around them to further prove his point. Halfway through though, suddenly, a familiar scent caught him, causing him to stop in his tracks. He grabbed a nearby tree trunk for support. The other three noticed his discomfort and looked at him oddly.

'What's wrong, John?' Sharp asked, placing his hands around Remus's tense shoulders in what seemed like concern, but was actually use as some sort of seductive technique.

Remus was feral at that point. The scent of a distinct rat filled his nose; it was distasteful and nauseating. It heightened senses prematurely, and caused Moony to surface -if only for a moment- but it was enough to let his guard down and make Remus snap when Sharp touched him -breaking the boundaries he had wordlessly put in place about no physical contact.

'Don't touch me.' His voice quivered, repressively. Sharp looked shocked, but did not let go, instead tightening his hold.

'What?'

'I said, DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME, YOU MONSTER!' He roared, pushing the Death Eater away from him and drawing his wand.

'What the hell?!' Sharp cried falling back into Macnair and Rowle, who both eyed Remus wearily, like when they first met. 'What the hell's wrong with you, Moony?!'

Remus fought for dominance, returning to normal, caging the wolf again. Realising what he had done, he quickly replaced his wand inside his robes. He straightened up, shaking himself.

'Nothing. I'm sorry, Viktor. I don't know what came over me.' He tried to reason, but Sharp was having none of it.

'That's bollocks and you know it.' He argued, raising his wand and pointing at at Remus's jugular. 'No one loses control like that, not even someone like you. The full was a week ago, you can not blame the wolf for this one. Now, before I kill you for lying to us, tell me what the fuck that was all about.'

It seemed that Sharp was not one to take rejection well, Remus figured.

'I sensed Wormtail.' He answered, immediately regretting it. His eyes went wide and he placed a hand over his mouth as the words slipped his lips.

_Idiot! Bloody IDIOT!_

'Who's Wormtail?' Sharp questioned. Macnair and Rowle, meanwhile, just stood behind the smaller man, waiting for orders, unsure of what to do at this stage.

'Pettigrew. I said Pettigrew.' Remus tried to cover up in vain.

'No, you didn't. You said Wormtail.' Remus's back was against the tree trunk now, stray branches digging into his back painfully. The lycanthrope decided to spill part of the truth in order to cover himself, however vague his words may be...

'No, no. You see, Wormtail is Pettigrew. It's what we used to call him in school.' Remus reasoned. Realising that what he was saying was not helping his case, he shut up, bashing his head against the tree he was leaning against and mentally cursing his idiocy.

_IDIOT! YEARS OF PRACTICE AND YOU GO AND DO THAT!_

'Who's _we_?'

Silence...

Sharp's wand dug into Remus's neck painfully, but the werewolf did not make a sound. Sharp studied him for a moment, as if trying to see through a disguise.

'Who are you?' Sharp finally asked, puzzled. Remus grit his teeth together from the pain of the wand in his neck, not answering the Death Eater. Spitefully, he spat into Sharp's face. 'You piece of shit!' The Death Eater cried, wiping the saliva from his face.

Then, his anger dissolved, and was replaced by a vindictive smirk that worried Remus greatly. Sharp leant in and sneered, 'Fine. If you're not going to tell me who you are, then I'll just have to fuck it out of you, you little turd.' He stated, threateningly. Remus felt his breath catch; his eyes went wide. He slowly shook his head in defiance.

'No.' He whispered.

'Tell me.' Sharp commanded. Remus shook his head before having his whole body smashed against the tree trunk forcefully.

He collapsed to the ground, feeling a little light-headed, but still fully concious. Sharp tied Remus down with a spell and then proceeded to climb on top of him. Macnair and Rowle looked too dumbfounded to do anything but watch as the situation escalated from bad to worse...

'Last chance.' Sharp offered as he stared into the werewolf's now terrified eyes. 'Tell me who you are.' Remus hissed like a violent cat before struggling against the binds. Sharp let out a bark of laughter and brought a hand down to Remus's cheek, turning his face to one side and stroking the scarred skin roughly. Remus turned his head back and bit into the Death Eater's palm in rebellion until he tasted blood.

Sharp merely smacked him in response, leaving a red hand print on the werewolf's face. Pulling out his wand once more, Sharp flicked his wand, causing a deep cut to form on the lycanthrope's face. He then pointed the wand at Remus's chest, performing the same spell. Remus squeezed his eyes shut as scarlet blood soaked through his shirt. Sharp then proceeded to try and undo Remus's trousers, smirk never faltering on his bastard face.

At that, the lycanthrope's eyes shot open, blazing emeralds as wide as orbs.

_NO!_

Remus snarled and growled, thrashing his tied limbs everywhere in a futile attempt to escape the evil man's clutches. This was not happening. He could not do this to him! When Sharp placed both of his hands on the werewolf's hips to steady him, Remus whined in terror and hopelessness. The realisation that he was not going to be able to gain the upper hand this time made him terrified.

How had it come to this?

He had no chance of escape; no saviour.

Suddenly, the Death Eater pulled his hands back from the skin of Remus's hips, scolded. He stared at his hands, which were now, in fact, fully burnt; a corroded pink gradually spreading up his arm as the flesh tore away.

'What the fuck have you done to me?!' He cried.

Remus gazed through him expressionless, acting indifferent to Sharp's pain. 'I'll fucking kill you.' He spoke angrily and brought both of his burnt hands down upon Remus's neck, strangling the werewolf, despite the fact he was causing more damage to his hands in doing so.

The lycanthrope gasped at the lack of air, but did not struggle against the grip. He could not fight him off anyway, but he did not need to. The moment Sharp's hands brushed the chain around Remus's neck, the burning became even more violent, until the smell of burning flesh filled the group's noses. Sharp screamed as he let go of Remus's neck and stared at his own hands and arms. The skin was gone, burnt and corroded off.

Remus looked into the face of Viktor Sharp, and he knew then that the man on top of him was going to die. His face had begun to burn as well, showing the bone of his right cheek and the left side of his jaw. The three could only watch in horror as the small Death Eater crumbled, burnt and melted in front of them, still straddling Remus's stomach.

Remus felt the invisible binds loosen, and ceased his chance. Pulling his wand from his robes, he sprang to his feet and disarmed the other two Death Eater's. They looked too shocked to do anything anyway.

'Expelliarmus! Petrificus Totalus!' He shot the latter spell at Macnair. 'Stupefy!' He yelled, hitting Rowle square in the chest. The two fell to the ground, like domino's, easily. Remus walked up to them, wand still raised in a shaking hand. When he recovered himself, he spoke -his voice was hard and controlled. 'I should kill you, you know, for all the innocent lives you've taken during your own miserable ones, but I won't... That would make me just as bad as you. So instead, I'm going to be merciful and just wipe your memories instead. You'll forget me. You'll forget everything that has happened here today, and you'll forget any trace of where Voldemort is.' He then spoke the incarnation, performing it twice on the two wizards.

'Obliviate.'

* * *

Remus spent an hour spreading Macnair and Rowle across opposite ends of the forest from each other. This was so that when they awoke, there would be no trace of what happened. He did not need to bury Sharp. There was nothing left of him anyway.

What concerned Remus the most about the entire situation was how Sharp had managed to meet that end just by touching him, and more importantly, could it have had something to do with Sirius's necklace?

But no time for brooding now, the werewolf had a rat to find. When he had separated himself from the scent of burning flesh, Remus gave the air around him another sniff. The scent was familiar; it was of sweat, fear and the distinguishable Pettigrew stench.

Finding his bearings, Remus began to sprint towards his destination. His pace quickened with adrenaline; his motivation was sky high. Nothing could stop him. The lycanthrope had Wormtail within his grasp. The closer Remus got though, the more mingled the scent became. He slowed down to a jogging pace in befuddlement, then his eyes widened in realisation as he was aware of the house he was approaching.

The Weasley's.

Remus continued to jog up to the doorstep, panting slightly (had he really just run ten miles?). Coming to a stop, he knocked hurriedly on the wooden door, hoping Wormtail had not done anything awful to them.

It was due to this belief that lead to his bewilderment when the door finally opened to find Molly Weasley smiling brightly up at him. She was in the process of drying a cooking bowl beneath her hands, and when she took in the lycanthrope's shabby appearance, her smile faltered, and she squinted up at him apprehensively.

'Who are you? What do you want?' Remus looked at her questioningly, then remembered that he had altered his appearance.

'It's Remus Lupin, Mrs Weasley.' He assured her, introducing himself.

'Remus Lupin?' She asked, unsure of herself. Remus nodded enthusiastically, still caught for breath.

'Yes, Molly.' She looked weary. 'I was a friend of Lily and James Potter, if you don't remember. I was also in the Order during the War.' He added. Boy, Remus hoped she had not read any of the Prophet articles about him.

'Oh yes, of course.' She realised, waving a dismissive hand.

_Phew, _Remus relaxed.

'Of course, I remember, you were the only sensible one of your lot -besides Lily, obviously.' She continued, 'I remember my brothers -Fabian and Gideon- used to talk about you a lot back when they were in school. They were only a few years ahead of you. They used love all the mischief the infamous "Marauders" caused. I also recall they used to compete with your lot for biggest Prank.' She smiled at him, not approving of the pranks, but affectionately as she reminisced -like a mother would.

_Moony? The 'Sensible' one? Who was the one who charmed the Slytherin toilets to backfire after putting laxatives in their dinner? _The Padfoot and Prongs side of Remus's brain thought to point out.

'Oh, but Remus, dear, are you alright? You have an awful gash on your cheek.' Subconsciously, the lycanthrope raised his hand touch his face, then shook his head.

'Oh no, Mrs Weasley. I'm quite alright, nothing to worry about.' Remus tried to reassure her with a smile. He then quickly changed the subject as to the reason why he came here.

'Although, Mrs Weasley, I was just wondering if I could come in. There is something of great importance that I wish to discuss with you and your husband.' He requested. Molly seemed taken aback a little bit, but did not argue.

'Of course, Remus. Come in.' She stood aside and allowed him to follow her through to the living room.

Her house, to Remus, was beautiful. It was more than a house, it was a true home. It gave out the impression that it belonged to a close family. Like the one Remus used to have before Peter took it all away from him. Molly gestured to a chair by the fire, which he took gladly, sighing in pleasure as his muscles relaxed. Mrs Weasley left the room for a moment before returning a moment later with Arthur Weasley.

'Mr Lupin.' Arthur greeted holding out his hand for a handshake. Changing his mind halfway, he quickly took his hand back, looking at the dishevelled fatigued werewolf. 'You're lucky you came today. This is my first day off in weeks.' He added, taking a seat on the burgundy sofa opposite Remus awkwardly.

'Would you like anything to drink, Remus?' Molly asked in concern.

'Some water please if that's all right, Mrs Weasley.' Remus answered, voice becoming gritty and dehydrated.

'Of course, dear.' And with that, she exited the room once more, returning a few minutes later with a glass and jug full of water. Remus took the glass from her, muttering his thanks, before draining it in one. Molly strategically placed the jug on the table next to Remus, figuring he'd need it soon, and took the seat next to her husband.

'So, what seems to be the problem, Remus?' Arthur asked worriedly as Remus's water balance stabilized. Remus thought about how he was going to word the question without sounding like a lunatic.

This proved rather difficult...

'Well, to start off, how many visitor's have you had since Halloween last year?' He began. The couple looked at him peculiarly before Molly answered,

'Just you, Dumbledore, Xenophilius Lovegood, Arthur's co-workers at the Ministry, and Dedalus Diggle. ' Molly counted. Remus nodded, so Peter had not exposed himself. Wise decision on his part.

'What about any animals?' He asked curiously. 'Any strange animals paid you a visit...' They frowned at him, making Remus feel very uncomfortable and just plain silly. He cut the formalities and asked the question, 'Perhaps a rat?'

That seemed to be the magic word to capture the two red heads' attention. They looked up quickly, like curious meerkat's.

'Y-Yes. As a matter of fact, yes we have.' Molly stuttered. 'Why do you ask?' Remus ignored the question.

'Is the rat here now?' She nodded, wearily. 'Could I see him, please?' He requested, politely.

'Why?' Arthur questioned defensively. 'What has my son's rat got to do with anything?'

'All in good time, Mr Weasley, but really now, please, it is essential that I see him.'

Arthur hesitated, but nodded after Molly placed a hand on his arm in approval. He then got up with as much dignity as he could muster, and walked out to find the rodent.

'Have you had him long, Mrs Weasley?' Remus asked to get rid of the awkward silence that had filled the room. Molly, who had been twiddling her fingers in anticipation, looked up at the question.

'Oh! No... Not that long... My sons, Fred and George, found him hiding at the back of our garden around November last year. They thought it would be... er... amusing to give the hideous thing to my older son -Percy- with the intention of scaring him. Of course Percy wasn't scared of the rat, a little disgusted by it at first, but who wasn't?' Remus snorted at that, causing her to look at him inquiringly.

'Sorry about that, Mrs Weasley. I think I might be coming down with a cough.' He quickly covered up.

'Oh dear, are you all right?' She asked, concerned.

'Oh yes, I'm fine. Don't mind me, carry on with your story, it's quite interesting I assure you.' He said sincerely.

Molly nodded.

'Well... where was I? Oh yes... Well, you see, Percy grew quite attached to the rat quickly. He bawled his eyes out when Arthur and I suggested that we drown the dirty animal. Naturally, we had to keep him, although we did have to bath him extensively to get rid of the filth and smell.'

When she finished, Remus nodded as silence resumed. This was low of Peter to seek sanctuary in a wizarding family, Remus thought in repulsion. To take advantage of their good nature by hiding in his animagus form was shameful, but admittedly, Remus had to admit that it was quite cunning. Hiding like this would make Wormtail virtually undetectable.

Until today...

Arthur returned to the room, carrying a squirming rat beneath his hands, fighting to keep his grip. Cautiously, he handed him out to Remus.

'Forgive Scabbers, He's not usually like this.' Arthur informed the lycanthrope. Remus smirked at the rat and took him from the red headed man, holding him up at eye level.

'It's quite all right, Mr Weasley. I'm sure he's just excited to see his old school friend, that's all.' Remus assured, grinning. Arthur's mouth did a shining impression of a goldfish while Mrs Weasley looked puzzled.

'Whatever can you mean, Remus?' She cried in bewilderment. Remus shook his head.

'Mr and Mrs Weasley, I must inform you now that this rat -Scabbers, you called him- is not a rat. He is a wizard.' He informed them calmly as Wormtail squeaked in his hands. 'If you don't mind, Mrs Weasley, would you be so kind as to send a Patronus to Albus Dumbledore. I imagine he'll want to see this...' He added.

Not wanting to cause argue with the man, Molly quickly dashed from the room, casting a silvery bear from her wand. Arthur held onto the mantelpiece in the living room as he gazed at Remus in worry as the man began to talk to Scabbers as if the rodent could understand him.

'Why hello, Peter. Fancy seeing you here.' Remus was saying, expression like that of a wolf who had caught it's prey. 'You've done some very bad things, haven't you...' Wormtail stopped struggling and listened, quivering like a frightened mouse as Remus spoke his next words forcefully.

'But I've found you now, Peter... and you're going to pay for what you did to us...'

* * *

Minutes went by, and the anticipation in the room had risen to an all time high. Mr and Mrs Weasley could only watch hopelessly as Remus continued to mutter to Scabbers in a deranged manner.

Finally, there was a loud CRACK outside, and Molly quickly ran out to find Albus Dumbledore gliding towards her -always the tranquil one, she thought.

'Good Morning, Mrs Weasley.' He greeted warmly, as if he were just dropping in for a pleasant chat. 'Would you be ever so kind and lead me to where Remus is.' He asked politely, although a note of urgency was heard in his voice. Molly nodded and lead him to the living room hastily.

The Headmaster walked up to where the lycanthrope was sat, and keeled down, gazing at the rat in Remus's hands thoughtfully. He studied the rodent, regarding the mass of unwashed fur and the portly belly. 'Are you sure it's him, Remus?' He pressed seriously.

While Molly and Arthur continued to look befuddled, Remus's eyes never left Peter.

'Positive, Albus.' He used his roughened thumb to lift Wormtail's paw to show the Professor.

The ring finger was missing.

'All they could find was a finger...' Dumbledore muttered, astonished. 'How did you find him?' He marvelled.

'Smelt him, but there's time for details later. We should inform the Ministry before something... unfortunate should happen to Peter.' Remus replied, looking at the rat, hungrily. Dumbledore looked a little affronted by this, but agreed all the same. He turned to Arthur.

'Mr Weasley, it is essential we gather some Aurors' quickly, preferably Alastor Moody. Would that be possible?'

'I can make it possible, Sir.' He replied determined, before dashing off.

'Pardon me, Headmaster.' Molly asked after her husband departed.

'Yes Molly?'

'I'm afraid I am slightly confused. What is the meaning of all of this?' She asked, puzzled.

'Of course! forgive me, Mrs Weasley. This does seem just a little unorthodox, doesn't it?' He stood and gestured her to a seat on the sofa. When they were both sat down, the Headmaster continued, 'Now, this may be a lot for you to take in at the moment. Where are your children?' Dumbledore asked.

'Why? Are they safe?' She cried, panicking. Tears were beginning to brim in her eyes. Dumbledore tried to calm her.

'Everything is fine, Molly. As long as Scabbers is still within our line of sight then everything will be all right.' She relaxed slightly at that. 'Now, Molly, where are your children?' He asked again.

'Well, Bill's at Hogwarts, obviously...' She sniffed in a repulsive way, causing Remus to momentarily cringe, squeezing Wormtail even harder in his hands (albeit that might have been intentional). 'Charlie, Fred and George are at my Aunt Muriel's for the week,' She continued, indifferent to the disgusted facial expression Remus was making for several different reasons, 'and Percy is upstairs with Ronny and Ginny.'

'Okay. That's fine, Molly. I was just checking. Nothing to be worried about.' Dumbledore assured her, patting her hand soothingly.

'Of course... Just being a little silly.' She gave out a watery, half-hearted chuckle.

'Now, for me to explain, this rat -Scabbers- I'm afraid to say, isn't a rat.' Dumbledore began, 'He is a Wizard, by the name of Peter Pettigrew.' Molly cocked her head to the side in bemusement -a very uncharacteristic gesture for the red head.

'That's impossible, Sir.' She contradicted. 'He's dead, Sirius Black killed him!'

'See, that's where you have been hoodwinked, just like everyone else.' Dumbledore spoke omnisciently. 'You see, Molly, Remus and I have been doing some investigating since Halloween, and we found that Sirius Black did not in fact commit the crimes he was imprisoned for. He was framed.' Dumbledore said, carefully.

'Then, if it wasn't Black, who killed all those people?' Mrs Weasley asked in interest.

'The answer to that, Mrs Weasley, is in Remus's hands.' He answered, pointing towards Scabbers. 'It seems that as well as being a murderer and a Death Eater, Peter Pettigrew was also an unregistered animagus, His form being a rat.' He gazed at the said rat in (loathing? Was that possible for Albus Dumbledore?). 'How fitting the form is, I must say.' Remus smirked at that.

'Couldn't agree more, Sir.' The lycanthrope remarked, eyes still fixed on Wormtail. 'You see, Mrs Weasley, Peter Pettigrew is the reason James and Lily Potter are dead; he is the reason that a one year old Harry Potter no longer has his loving parents and proper family to care for him. Peter Pettigrew is the reason a good man is rotting way in Azkaban, being punished for crimes he would sooner die than execute.'

His shining emeralds left Wormtail briefly to look at Dumbledore urgently. 'Albus, now that we have explained, I would much rather get Pettigrew to show himself properly- ahhh bugger!' He broke off and made a noise almost like a hiss, returning his gaze to the rat, which had just sunk its teeth into his now bloody thumb in the few short moments Remus had let his watch falter. The bite hurt, but not enough to make his grip loosen.

He leaned in to whisper so only Peter could hear, 'You filthy little piece of vermin, you're lucky I haven't ripped out your throat yet.'

The rat squeaked in fear.

'As you wish, Remus.' Dumbledore agreed, not hearing Remus's previous words, taking out his wand, aiming the tip at "Scabbers". Remus held Wormtail at arms length, like one would a crying baby (unless you were Molly Weasley that is). Dumbledore shot the spell, hitting the rat squarely in the chest. The lycanthrope dropped Wormtail on the floor, watching him spasm; transforming.

'Nice shot, Sir.' Remus noted, admirably.

'Thank you, Remus.'

Molly gave a little squeak as the small limbs of Wormtail began to morph into human arms and legs. The furry torso expanded and shed into a portly one. The head was the last to change, completing the transformation, and then Peter Pettigrew was in the rats place, cowering on the floor in the fetal position. He looked up, sniffing like a mouse would some cheese. This eyes were not too different to that of the rat's: watery, small and beady, his nose was pointed and his ears were also, making his countenance much more comparable to his animagus form than what would have been classed as normal.

'Hello, Peter.' Remus greeted acidly. Peter's eyes settled on his old childhood friend, growing wide in fear.

'R-R-Remus?' He feigned surprise, 'Is that you, my old friend?' He sat up on his knee's and crawled towards the werewolf, reaching his stubby arms out to latch onto his trousers.

'Get away from me.' Remus backed away, all but kicking Pettigrew away from him. He was repelled by the vermin. 'There's enough dirt on my robes without you touching them, Peter.' He stated, hot-headedly. Pettigrew whimpered.

'Surely... Surely you don't believe that it was me, Remus. You don't think that they would've actually used little, old me for Secret Keeper, do you?' The animagus tried reasoning in vain.

'Oh, I don't think that at all, Peter... I know they used you. I've seen Sirius, he has more proof than you.' Remus informed him, his words coming out in a worryingly pleasant manner.

Peter mumbled something incoherent.

'I'm sorry, what was that, Peter?' Dumbledore questioned, now standing from the sofa next to Molly.

'I said that Remus _would_ believe anything Black would say, Mr Dumbledore, Sir.' He replied, gaining a little confidence.

'I have every right to believe that what Sirius has told me is true, Wormtail, our relationship be damned. Why would you be hiding if you were only scared of Sirius? Why would you fake your own death? Sirius is in Azkaban. He can't get you from there.' His voice was hard again, occasionally cracking with uncontainable anger.

He calmed himself. Then added, 'Who else could be after you if you're innocent, Peter?' He questioned as if talking to a child.

'N-No one, Remus, I'm innocent! B-b-but S-Sirius could still escape and come after me!' Peter quickly reasoned. It was a flimsy excuse at best. 'Sirius could escape from Azkaban and come after me. He could do it, you know. He never was one for rules, and no one knows what the Dark Lord could've taught his most faithful servant.'

Remus's hand was gripped so tightly on his wand that his knuckles were turning white. He pointed it at Peter between the eyes, inches from his face.

'Don't. You. Dare. Talk. About. Sirius. Like. That.' He spat out angrily. His abhorrence towards Peter was growing to be stronger than that of the three Death Eater's he had travelled with for the past three months, and he had heard them talk of things like Muggle hunting and Mudblood executions! 'Sirius is a good man who would rather die than betray his family, don't you even suggest that he supported Voldemort.'

Peter flinched at the name.

'What's wrong Peter? Afraid to hear your Master's name?' He asked in mock concern. Peter shook his head hopelessly. 'You betrayed James and Lily. You were their Secret Keeper, not Sirius. You told Voldemort where they were. You killed those 12 Muggles. You framed Sirius for your crimes, didn't you?'

Silence.

'DIDN'T YOU?!' He repeated, shouting as he towered over a blubbering Wormtail.

'I-I d-didn't mean to, Remus... I didn't mean to tell the Dark Lord... He would have killed me!' Remus's eye was twitching in anger.

'Then you should have died!' Remus almost cried. Then his voice lowered, 'You should have died...' he whispered, monotonously. 'as we would have done... For you.'

He looked away then, betrayal in his eyes. He could not look at the man before him. The man who so willingly handed the ones he supposedly loved over to the darkest wizard of all time; the man who framed an innocent man for his crimes, forcing him to serve a lifetime of torture.

The man who felt no remorse for his crimes and would probably do it again in a heart beat...

CRACK.

There was the sound of a loud metal clanging over the floorboards and some low mumbling before Mad-eye Moody entered the room. His eyes travelled from Molly, to Dumbledore, to Remus, and then finally to Peter. When his eyes befell onto the latter, his usually cantankerous demeanour quickly changed into one of surprise and bewilderment as he whipped his wand out faster than one could say _Quidditch_.

'What the devil is going on here, Dumbledore?!' His rough voice rattled through the room. Dumbledore looked unperturbed by the volume of Moody's voice and gestured towards Peter with a frail hand.

'Well, you see Alastor, it seems that Remus Lupin has managed to successfully find out that Peter Pettigrew isn't in fact dead after all. He is right here in front of you, and what I think will interest you the most is the fact that he has just admitted to having betrayed James and Lily Potter to Lord Voldemort.' Dumbledore explained calmly, as if he were discussing knitting patterns.

Moody, least to say, was a little miffed.

'But that can't be right, Dumbledore.' Moody contradicted, echoing Molly's previous words. 'Pettigrew's dead. Black killed him-'

'He was framed.' Remus spoke solemnly, head still bowed, though his wand was still pointing at Wormtail's head. 'And as you can clearly see, Peter is right in front of you. You can not ignore the truth if it is staring at you in the face.'

Remus then lifted his head to practice his wand, muttering, 'Incarcerous.' Thick ropes shot from his wand and wrapped themselves around Wormtail, causing the plump man to collapse upon the ground with a painful thud. Remus did not bat an eyelid.

The lycanthrope then turned from Peter and walked towards Dumbledore and Mad-eye coolly. 'Pettigrew is a Death Eater, responsible for all the crimes Sirius Black is imprisoned for. I should think you'll want to inform some of the Ministry officials, maybe Barty Crouch as I am under the impression that he plays a main part in the persecutions of Death Eaters -he was present at my trial anyway- I should think he'll want to see this.' He pointed at the vermin wriggling helplessly on the floor before addressing Mad-eye fully, 'It may not be my place to give you orders, _Sir_-'

'I should bloody well hope not.' Moody interrupted.

'-But if Sirius Black isn't out of Azkaban by tonight at least,' Remus continued as if Mad-eye had not spoken, 'then let it be known that a certain lycanthrope will start to make things very difficult for the Ministry until they do release him.' He finished. Then, to everyone's utmost horror, Remus Lupin smiled pleasantly at the Auror, giving out an aura of a true Marauder.

Then he turned to Dumbledore who was smiling back at Remus with victory.

'Shall you be needing me anytime soon, Albus?' Remus asked.

'Not yet, but your presence will be needed soon enough, Remus. You are, after all, at the very heart of this whole situation, along with Mr Black and Mr Pettigrew.' Dumbledore replied, smile never faltering. 'But for now, you are to return to Hogwarts and get yourself sorted; you are to meet me in my office in one hour, after I have sorted out everything I can at the Ministry.'

The Headmaster pulled out an old pen pot from his robes and handed it to Remus. It was a portkey, the lycanthrope realised. Nodding to Dumbledore, Moody, and to the two Weasley's who had their arms around each other in shock and comfort, he closed his eyes as he was transported to Hogwarts...

* * *

_I did it! I caught him! Sirius is finally free!_

Remus was ecstatic; exuberant.

When he arrived at Hogwarts he rushed to the bathrooms to take a quick shower. He shed his clothing and stepped into one of the stalls for his first shower in over two weeks. The cool water that rushed against his skin filled Remus with content and relaxed him immensely. He sighed as he found a calmness within him that had been lost since Halloween.

_Sirius is free._

Remus scrubbed his chest, feeling an odd tingling sensation. Perplexed, Remus looked down, gasping. Carved into his chest, pink and still bleeding lightly was the word,

_MONSTER._

Unable to look at himself anymore, he switched off the tap, which expelled a high pitched squeak which was cringe worthy, but Remus did not pay it any mind. His peaceful mood had dissipated, replaced by a solemn one. He regarded his clothes, shrewn all over the bathroom tiles, dirt ridden and dishevelled. He did not particularly fancy putting them on again like that, so he bent down to retrieve his wand from the inside of his robe and cast cleansing charm to make the material bearable, at least, to wear until the House elves could clean them for him.

Afterwards, he quickly strode up towards the Headmaster's office; a range of emotions charging through him. Anger; accomplishment; hope. The list was endless. Remus did not have to wait long in the dome shaped room for Dumbledore to appear, robe billowing behind him as he made his entrance through the fire place. Remus rose from where he had seated himself to meet the old Professor as he himself made his way towards the werewolf, an genuine smile upon his countenance.

'What has happened, Albus?' Remus questioned, his tone curious as opposed to worrisome, for Dumbledore would not be smiling like he was if something bad had happened.

'Well, Remus, it gives me great pleasure to inform you that after the arrest of Mr Pettigrew, I have been able to make an inquiry as to the terms of Sirius's imprisonment; the trial is Monday – two days from now- Sirius, of course, has been made aware of this.'

His smile brightened as Remus matched it with a wide toothy grin which strained the usually stoic muscles of his face.

'That is wonderful, Sir!' Remus remarked joyously.

'Indeed. Although, you will be required to be at the trial also, Remus.' Dumbledore continued, his tone gradually becoming more serious. 'I have made a... er... slight compromise, and -despite the current werewolf prejudices and stereotypes- the Ministry is willing to allow you to give evidence against Peter to prove Sirius's innocence.' He paused then, making Remus look at him suspiciously.

'What's the compromise, Albus?'

Dumbledore sighed.

'They are allowing you to give evidence, provided that you are restrained during the trial. They argued that with regard to you recent endeavours and the general discrimination you receive from them, you are classed as unpredictable and need to be contained as a safety precaution. Forgive me, Remus, there was nothing I could do.'

Remus nodded stiffly.

'That's fair enough, I guess.' He replied monotonously. 'That's fine. Now, is there anything else I should know, Sir?'

'Yes, until the trial, Mr Pettigrew will be held at the Ministry; Sirius had also been brought over from Azkaban and is to be held at the Ministry also... And No -before you ask, Remus- you can not see him.' He added as Remus opened his mouth to ask the very question. Changing tactics, Remus spoke instead,

'Have the Ministry officials been made aware of the nature of Wormtai-Peter?' Remus asked, brow furrowed.

'I have informed them of Mr Pettigrew's animagus form, yes.' Dumbledore replied sincerely.

'And Sirius, Albus? What of his animagus form? Surely they can not scrutinize him for it. Sirius has paid his dues in Azkaban, he does not deserve to be persecuted further.' Remus stated defensively, his expression turning from curiosity to worry. Dumbledore contemplated the answer.

'You make a good point, Remus. I shall bring this up at the trial, I assure you.' Dumbledore replied.

He gazed intently at the lycanthrope before continuing in an almost sombre voice, 'We must also talk of you mission at some point also, Remus. Forgive me when I say that when I first saw you at the Weasley's, the taste of marred flesh and blood on your scent was quite prominent, suggesting that there was more to your discovery of Peter Pettigrew than what meets the eye...'

He smiled sadly as Remus bowed his head. 'But for now, you must rest. You have had, no doubt, a rather eventful, albeit exhausting day. No one can deny that you are looking a little tired, Remus. You are welcome to use your room from your previous visit -located in the Hospital wing; I'm sure Madam Pomfrey will not mind.'

Remus nodded and made to depart the office, inwardly rejoicing that he did not have to recall the details of his mission yet, when Dumbledore called back, 'Remus.'

The lycanthrope turned back and gazed at the Headmaster.

'Yes, Sir?'

'It's good to see you back.' His eye twitched into almost a wink.

'It's good to be back , Sir.' Remus nodded in response before closing the golden door behind him.

* * *

**A/N: Exams are over *tomorrow* and then I will finally be freeee! Anyway, wow long wait, long chapter, sorry. A few more chapters should finish this story up. I hope the story is still interesting to you all. I'll update soon. :)**


	12. Justice

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is life, but it isn't mine.**

**This chapter is in honour of Sirius Black's 19th Death day: 1959-18th June 1996. **

**I may be a day late, but Padfoot, this is for you.**

* * *

Compared to Azkaban, the dingy cell at the Ministry was fine. Here, one could hardly complain, although technically Sirius found that he was only one more wail away from completely losing his head and yelling at everything and everyone.

_'Please! Please let me out! I've done nothing wrong! Don't give me to the Dementors! I'm innocent!'_

The incessant cries of Wormtail could be heard from the cell next to him. He was driving Sirius absolutely crazy. Who was Peter supposedly yelling at; pleading with anyway? The only company the two had was a lone Dementor of whom was merely placed there to guard the two of them.

Finally, when the cries became too much, Sirius bellowed,

'For fuck's sake, Wormtail. SHUT THE HELL UP!'

He was met with a deafening silence.

Feeling pretty smug at getting the rat to shut up, Sirius smirked at the opaque wall that separated the two former school friends, and lent back on his hands from where he sat on the cold, stone floor. The Dementor's presence lowered the temperature to shocking rate, but Sirius did not mind -he was used to it anyway. Just when he thought he could make use of the deafening silence and get some rest before the trial tomorrow, a squeaky voice echoed off the walls.

'Does it feel good, Sirius? Yelling at me again?' Peter's voice was filled with uncharacteristic malice. 'Does it make you feel big? You forget, _Padfoot_, I did this to you. I brought you down. I broke you, and you never expected it... because I was only Peter: the pathetic tag along. Remember that.'

Sirius was fuming.

'Did he make you feel important, Wormtail? Lord Voldemort?' An audible hiss was heard as Sirius sneered at the brick wall with such a loathing for the rat on the other side of it.

'What's wrong, Wormtail? Afraid to hear your master's name?'

A mirthless chuckle was heard though the wall.

'Funny that... old wolfy said that exact same thing when I saw him. What an influence you have on the people you love, Sirius... Shame you couldn't use that influence to save any of them.'

'That 'wolfy' was your friend, Wormtail, as I presume that you're referring to Moony. Remus would've died for you, as Prongs, Lily and I would have done. Leave him out of this.'

Another sound of amused laughter.

'How a like you both are, Sirius. You have no idea, really. It's like you've rehearsed your responses until they've become synchronised!' Peter remarked. 'While you were left to rot in Azkaban; forced to wallow in your own insanity, Sirius, Remus had clearly became equally as unhinged by the look of him when he caught me. You should've seen him, Padfoot! Rugged; tired; covered in blood -his blood. He also stunk of burnt flesh -but that foul stench did not belong to his skin though. No, it was the skin of a stranger. Tut tut, has Wolfy been naughty while he's been missing his Siri?'

Sirius inhaled shakily. _He's just messing with your head, Sirius. He's a liar; a good for nothing rat! Remus is fine, you know that._

'Do you feel big, Peter?' He questioned changing the topic, feigning his nonchalance, 'Did Voldemort finally bring you out of your insecure, fat shell and truly make you one of his minions? Bold as brass, yet just as over confident and conceited as the rest of them were. What could Voldemort have possibly offered you that could have been worth two wonderful people's lives? What was it that lead you to betray the people who loved yo-'

'They did not love me!' Peter cried out angrily. His whole manner appeared deranged, making Sirius start at the outburst.

'Both Prongs and Lily loved you, Wormtail. They also trusted you, and in return you betrayed them.' he replied coldly.

'They didn't love me. They didn't love me. They didn't love me...' Was the only response Sirius received.

Knowing a dead case whenever he heard one, Sirius sighed and tried to block out the noises Peter made, especially when the Dementor, who -up until now- appeared dormant, glided over to Peter's bars, making the animagus scream in fright as his nightmares were being re-enacted in his head. Sirius tried to block out the moaning as he tried to get some sleep, despite the fact he knew that insomnia would be the inevitable...

_'They didn't love me. They never loved me. Never... Never... No, please... Don't, noo!'_

* * *

On Monday, Sirius and Peter were escorted by two guards and the Dementor to their trial. The former animagus went willingly and did not cause a fuss, whereas the latter seemed to be a little more reluctant to go...

_Wonder why. _Sirius thought sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

The journey was a silent one at best, besides Peter's occasional whimpering. Sirius kept his eyes fixed firmly on his feet which were, albeit stiff from dis-use, moving at a decent pace; his footsteps were echoing loudly upon the marble floor like a death march. Blood was pounding in his ears with every step.

They approached colossal coal black double doors, which opened upon their arrival, allowing the five to enter the occupied court room. The two Animagi were lead to the centre of the room, where three chairs were set out next to each other.

The guards forced Sirius into his chair on the far right, and used their wands to wrap black chains around his arms, legs and torso, binding Sirius to his chair. The chains were pulled tight around him, but Sirius looked placidly around the room, presenting himself as strong, and tolerable to anything they may throw at him, while inwardly he was squirming. Peter however, openly squeaked at the rough-housing he received as he was pushed forcefully into his chair on the far left and bound in black chains also.

Sirius rolled his eyes yet again -a normal occurrence wherever Peter was involved.

He turned his attention instead to the chair between himself and Peter, wondering which third, unfortunate soul it belonged to. He contemplated who it could be reserved for, but without veil. So instead, he decided to survey he rest of the room, observing which witches and wizards were present. In return, the muttering wizards would occasionally break off their conversations to glare at him in suspicion, like stoic vultures dressed in purple.

Finally, his eyes flicked towards the judge's seat, and found none other than Barty Crouch occupying it. Crouch was the only member that was not engaged in some form of conversation or another. Instead, his dead eyes were focused on Sirius himself in distaste and loathing. In return, the animagus stared back with an omniscient expression.

_Like you're not as bad as you think I am. _Sirius thought bitterly. _Remember, I know what you did, you bastard. You act all righteous and ethical, but your son's cell was opposite mine. I saw everything._

Crouch, as if hearing Sirius's thoughts, sneered in response and looked away. Sirius also -albeit triumphantly- broke his gaze, instead focusing on the double doors, which had just opened yet again, allowing two figures to enter the courtroom.

The first one, as he came into the light, was inevitably Albus Dumbledore, who appeared to be speaking hastily to the other wizard, who remained preserved in the shadows. Sirius tilted his head to the side, like his animagus counterpart would, intrigued. Who could Dumbledore be talking to in an almost conspiring way?

The Padfoot side of Sirius was flamboyantly barking with familiarity, but Sirius could not place it. He knew that other man, he was sure of it, -call it intuition- if only he would step into the light!

Dumbledore appeared to break the conversation when the same guard who had tied Sirius up marched over and gripped the shadowed wizard by the arm; proceeding to drag him away from the older wizard, who sighed before taking his place with the rest of the Wizengamot.

_So this is number three. _Sirius realised, but his thoughts died when the light finally fell upon the third man, allowing Sirius to gaze upon the lithe form of Remus Lupin for the first time in months. His jaw dropped when what he saw was an almost completely different person.

Remus's hair was as knotted and long as Sirius's, if not more so, as it flowed down his painfully thin figure. When Sirius looked upon the countenance of his lover, he noticed that the werewolf's skin was tightly stretched across his gaunt cheeks and that he was sporting a vast amount of stubble, making him look very rugged, although uncannily ill and malnourished -emphasised by the massive purple shadows that hung around his permanently vigilant emerald eyes. The small amount of his ashen skin that was not covered by the faded material of his robes sported several gashes and bruises, along with the multiple pink and silver scars (although the latter was not really new for Remus). But what shocked Sirius the most though was Remus's nose, which was crooked and wonky -as if it had been broken badly in a fight.

_Please don't let Peter be right. You're still the same Remus. Please. Please tell me you're just here as witness... Don't prove Wormtail right..._

Moony...' He whispered tearfully.

As if hearing his voice -which Sirius would not put past Remus's brilliant hearing- the lycanthrope's expressionless face, that had been focused on the guards invasive grip on his arm, looked up towards Sirius and changed into the unsure half smile he would pull when feeling apprehensive.

But the look was innocent, making Sirius relax slightly. When the animagus smiled back reassuringly at the werewolf, Remus broke into a fully fledged grin; his demeanour changing like the flick of a switch. As well as this, Remus even dared to wink at Sirius as if to say,

_'You're going to win this'_

Sirius could feel his eyes watering as he nodded back emotionally.

The guard forced Remus into the chair between Sirius and Peter (who was whimpering pathetically) with just a little too much hostility towards someone who was innocent. The guard waved his wand, causing silver chains to wrap themselves around Remus, tying his limbs to the chair. The lycanthrope -Sirius noticed- winced as if trying to comprehend an extensive amount of pain.

_That's not normal silver... _Sirius realised.

'Moony, are you alright?' He asked, when he managed to find his voice.

'I'm fine, Pads.' Remus tried to convince him. The fact that his voice broke towards the end however, betrayed his words. Remus seemed to realise this as well, for he continued hurriedly, 'It doesn't hurt, really-'

'Silence!' Crouch bellowed, stilling everyone into silence, his eyes fixed pointedly at Remus and Sirius. The latter, of course, took this opportunity to deliberately counteract Crouch's words.

'Why is he tied up?' He asked, ignoring the incredulous stares he was receiving as he nodded towards Remus, who's lips were pressed tightly together to prevent a whimper or cry escaping him.

'What on Earth are you blabbering on about, Black?!' Crouch demanded exasperatedly.

'I'm talking about the fact that your men have decided to tie an innocent witness up in chains made of the one type of silver that can actually hurt him.' Sirius explained acidly.

'I will inform you, Black, that the Wizengamot has every reason to tie it up.' Crouch countered as if bored. Sirius was enraged.

'"It"?! He has a name you pathetic piece of-'

'Sirius!' Remus hissed. Sirius scoffed, but did not finish the insult.

'Just because Remus is a werewolf doesn't mean that you have the right to treat him like this!' He shouted back instead.

'Padfoot, leave it. Please, it's fine. You want to get out of this don't you?' Remus pressed quietly. Sirius's anger dissipated when he turned to gaze into Remus's pleading eyes.

'Fine.' He sighed grudgingly. 'I'm sorry, Moon-'

'If you're quite finished,' Crouch Interrupted once again, 'I'd like to get this trial over with.' Without waiting for a response, he continued, 'Firstly, the court would like to call to attention the inquiry that has been made as to the persecution of a one Mr Sirius Black,' He spat the name. 'and the recent facts that have been brought into account of the possible crimes that a one Mr Peter Pettigrew has committed.

'Witness to testament for the innocence of Sirius Black and for the capture of Peter Pettigrew is werewolf, Remus Lupin -of whom the court must be made aware of his presence, which was there at the time that the Ministry captured Pettigrew.'

_'Ministry? Bollocks! If anyone were to catch Wormtail, it'd be either me or Moony, and I was in Azkaban.'_

'Mr Lupin.' Crouch continued, 'Would you so kind as to inform the court of the events of Mr Pettigrew's capture?'

Sirius listened intently as Remus described in details the events that had occurred at the Weasley's Burrow. He noticed how Remus decided against informing the court as to the reasons why he happened upon the area. Sirius knew the almost guilty look in Remus's eyes from a mile off, and decided that he would talk to the lycanthrope about it later.

'Does anyone else have any questions?' Crouch asked the surrounding wizards lazily when Remus finished. Dumbledore raised a frail hand.

'Yes, Barty. I have some questions.' Crouch nodded once and motioned for Dumbledore to divulge further. 'Mr Lupin,' He addressed Remus. 'Would you mind informing the court as to what happened when you went to visit Mr Black in Azkaban on the 31st of December 1981?' He asked knowingly.

Sirius listened, this time ashamed, as Remus spoke of the memory Sirius had shown him; of Sirius's conversation with James and Lily, and how he had been unaware that Sirius and Peter had made the switch.

'Mr Black, do you agree with what Lupin is saying?' Crouch asked venomously.

'Yes. I can confirm that what Remus is saying is true.' He replied coolly.

'Mr Lupin,' Dumbledore continued his questioning, 'what was your opinion of Mr Black before and after that particular visit to Azkaban?'

Remus -if it were possible- grew paler as he quickly looked from Dumbledore to Sirius himself in hurt and betrayal at Dumbledore's question. Clearly the werewolf had not known the Headmaster was going to ask this.

'Before the visit,' He spoke timidly, avoiding Sirius's eyes as he looked at his bound arms. 'I was under the impression that Sirius had indeed committed the crimes he was imprisoned for.' He looked up at Crouch and Dumbledore. 'As much as it pained me to believe it, I could not deny that the "Truth" was staring at me in the face.' Finally, he turned and looked apologetically at Sirius. 'But I knew something didn't seem to fit the puzzle, so I decided that I would visit Azkaban to hear what Sirius had to say for himself.

'When he showed me the memory; when Sirius informed me of Peter, and what he had done, everything clicked. His story confirmed; made sense. Sirius was innocent... Sirius is innocent...' He smiled at the aforementioned, and Sirius knew then, that whatever happened today, they would both be okay.

'Touching.' Crouch mocked. 'Have you finished your questioning now, Dumbledore?' The old man smiled and turned from the pair currently absorbed in an eye-lock, to Crouch.

'For now...'

'Good. Now, Mr Pettigrew,' Crouch turned his attention towards the still cowering little man, who was eyeing the Dementor guarding the door with terror and fear. 'Are you, or have you ever supported You know Who?'

'No.' Peter replied quickly.

'Have you ever worked for You Know Who before his downfall, passing on information to him that could be classed as critical to his uprising?'

Peter shook his head again.

'No?' Crouch asked, unconvinced.

'No. Never.' Peter squeaked.

Crouch pulled out his wand and pointed it tiredly at Peter. With a tiny flick, he pulled up Peter's sleeve to reveal the dreaded Dark Mark etched upon his flabby forearm. Clearly, Crouch had learnt from Remus's trial as to where to look when identifying a Death Eater.

'Still no?' Crouch asked sarcastically. Peter whimpered in response. 'Now that we have that cleared up, Mr Pettigrew, did you pass on information as to the whereabouts of James and Lily Potter?'

'No.'

'Stop wasting our time, Mr Pettigrew or else we will be forced to use Veritaserum on you. Now, did you betray Mr and Mrs Potter?'

Silence. Then,

'Yes.'

'Did you kill those twelve muggles that Mr Black has been accused of murdering?' Crouch asked, 'Be aware, Mr Pettigrew, that we have witnesses that have heard you confess before now.' Peter hesitated.

'Yes.' He muttered quietly, as if each confession pained him (and not in a remorseful way).

'What was that, Mr Pettigrew?'

'YES!' Peter cried dramatically.

'Well done, Mr Pettigrew. Now, it's says here in my notes that you are an unregistered animagus. Can you clarify that?'

'Yes... B-but Sirius is too!'

Both Remus and Sirius, who had been paying attention to the questioning intently, looked at one another -Sirius in worry, and Remus in reassurance.

'I would like to bring attention to the fact that the punishment for being an unregistered animagus is six months in Azkaban.' Dumbledore remarked, his voice echoing through the court room. 'Therefore Sirius Black, I think you will find, has already served his sentence for that crime and should not be punished further for it, although he will be forced to Register himself after this trial.'

Sirius let out a breath he did not know he had been holding and nodded towards Dumbledore in gratitude.

'Fair enough Dumbledore. If he is innocent, that is.' Crouch agreed. 'Now, are you aware, Mr Pettigrew, that by allowing Sirius Black to be punished for the crimes you committed, you have averted the course of justice?'

'Erm...' Sirius could almost hear the gears turning in Peter's head. '...Y-yes.' He sounded a little confused as he said this.

_Clearly Voldemort can't cure stupid, _Sirius snorted.

'Then I think I am done questioning you.' Crouch declared triumphantly. 'Does anyone else have any questions -yes, Dumbledore?' He sighed when the Headmaster raised his hand again.

'Mr Pettigrew,' He began, 'Were you or were you not the Potters' secret Keeper when they went into hiding from Lord Voldemort?' Several hisses emitted the room. 'and by this I mean: was it you who performed the Fidelius Charm with the Potters' as opposed to Sirius Black?'

'No! It was Sirius!' Peter accused, eyes wide.

A pulsing vein snapped...

'LIAR!' Sirius cried. 'You're nothing but a filthy liar! How could you even suggest-?!'

'Mr Black, restrain yourself! You will only speak when spoken to!' Crouch spat, eyes piercing through Sirius, who slumped back in his chair petulantly. 'Now, we'll ask again, Mr Pettigrew, were you the Potters' secret keeper?'

'No!'

'You damn well were, Wormtail!' Sirius yelled once again, acting completely deranged. 'Use Veritaserum on him; take my memories; take his! It was Peter!' All reason was lost as he continued to scream at occupants of the room defiantly.

'Oh dear...' Remus sighed.

...

After five minutes of intense legitimacy, a whole flask of Veritaserum and a few soothing words from Remus, Peter Pettigrew had indeed confessed to all of his crimes, and it seemed that Sirius Black did not need to be sedated after all.

...

'Peter Pettigrew, you are sentenced to a lifetime in Azkaban for: the Murder of twelve innocent Muggles; being a Death Eater and conspiring with You Know Who; partaking in illegal activities; being an unregistered animagus; averting the cause of justice, and for assisting the man who murdered James and Lily Potter.' Crouch declared. Banging his mallet.

Peter squirmed and blubbered.

'As well as this, Sirius Black, after recent facts have been brought into the light during this trial, will be cleared of all the charges made against him, and is obligated to sign up at the Improper use of Magic office at the Ministry with regard to his unregistered animagus form.' He banged the mallet again. 'Case dismissed.'

Sirius closed his eyes in relief and content, as the members of the Wizengamot rose and made to leave the courtroom hastily. The Dementor at the door glided forwards towards Peter to take him away, which he reluctantly complied to, crying and screaming, his voice bouncing off the walls of the dome room. It was only after he was restrained properly, that Peter was able to be taken away quietly.

The chains around Sirius and Remus melted as Dumbledore waved his wand from where he was still positioned in his designated seat, smiling down at the two Wizards. The duo smiled back in gratitude as Dumbledore gestured that they had five minutes before meeting him outside the room.

When the courtroom had emptied, Sirius turned in his seat to look at Remus, who in turn was staring at the animagus serenely as he subconsciously rubbed at his burnt wrists. Without warning, the werewolf started as Sirius spontaneously leapt to embrace him, nuzzling his face into the crook of Remus's neck.

'Thank you, Moony. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.' He whispered, voice breaking with emotion. 'Thank you, so much. You saved me. Thank you. I love you, Remus-'

'Padfoot...' Remus interrupted grinning. 'You're free...' Sirius nodded feverishly.

'Yes, I am.' He let out a relieved laugh. 'I'm free... Oh, I don't know how to thank you, Moony. I wouldn't be here if not for you.'

'Shh, love. You don't have to thank me. I'm just glad you're safe, and I glad that you're here with me.' Remus replied, burying his face in Sirius's hair to hide the tears that were threatening to fall. When Sirius managed to dampen Remus's own hair however, the werewolf pulled back from the hug and looked at Sirius intently, memorising every last contour, never wanting to forget. Sirius, too overwhelmed by seeing Remus again, pulled the lycanthrope in for a wet kiss.

It was not a lust filled kiss, or a concupiscence one, but one of devotion, love and emotion. The passion both of them put into it was enough to show each other that they were not going to let the other out of their sight again, and that they were forever. That kiss proved to them both that they would never be broken; never be torn a part again.

That was the break in the dam for Remus. He broke away and buried his face into the material covering Sirius's chest as tears of happiness and relief overtook him.

'Don't look at me, Siri... Please.' He pleaded when Sirius tried to lift his chin.

As he respectfully complied, the animagus could only watch, memorised, as Remus Lupin cried against his chest, shoulder's shaking as he tried to steady his breathing. Never was Remus ever allowed to cry. Sirius had only ever seen Remus lose control that this once before, but never had it been close to this amount of waterworks.

Sirius felt moisture dampen on his shirt and suddenly, they were both crying; their tears mixing into one. Both of them held each other and they were able to shed the tears that they had always caged from falling. They cried for James, Lily, for all the pain they had to endure. Most of all though, they cried with relief because despite all of this, they were free.

Minutes passed, and Remus was the first to get a hold of himself.

'I love you, Sirius.' The werewolf whispered as he wiped at the animagus's tear tracks that were cascading down his face. 'I love you so much... but I fear that if we don't leave soon, we'll have to face the wrath of Albus Dumbledore.' He joked lightly.

Sirius snorted, letting out a watery chuckle and suddenly, the moment was gone.

'Yeah, I guess you're right... Who knows, maybe he'll blind us with those crystal orbs he calls eyes, then I'll never be able to look upon your beautiful face again! Oh my Moony, what torture!'

Remus in turn snorted in response, although he could not hide his amused smile.

Filled with content, Sirius took Remus's hand in his and entwined their fingers. Together, they made their way towards the double doors of the courtroom.

Sirius and Remus knew that they had tons to talk about. Voldemort; Harry; Remus's mission; the necklace; Sirius's torture; their new life, everything... but all of that could wait -for now.

Now, all they needed was each other. It was the dawn of a new day, and they had the rest of their lives to talk about it, as free as men like themselves could ever be.

'Moony, everything going to change now, isn't it?' Sirius asked looking up at the lycanthrope meekly.

Remus looked back and smiled a knowing smile.

'Yes, Padfoot, but it doesn't have be for the worse. Anyway, there's no place I'd rather be right now, than by yours and Harry's side...' He rose their clasped hands and placed a gentle kiss upon Sirius's knuckles. Eyes never leaving each other, they both whispered,

'Together...'

* * *

**A/N: Finally! Sirius is free, Remus is as free as a werewolf could ever be, I'm free (of OWL's/ GCSE's), Dobby is free; everyone's free! Except Peter, of course, hehe. Thank you for all the reviews. Final chapter/epilogue will be released soon Thanks for all the support and reviews so far. :)**


	13. Hope

_**Chapter 13 -Hope**_

_**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is life, but it isn't mine (just in case you haven't already figured that out after 13 chapters haha).**_

* * *

'Come on, Padfoot; don't be shy.' Remus teased lightly as he dragged a pale Sirius by his Harry-free arm towards the stone.

'Pa'foot! Pa'foot!' Harry cried joyously, clapping his chubby hands together.

'Moony, I can't do this...' Sirius pressed urgently, fighting Remus's strong grip. The werewolf stopped towing Sirius and looked the man squarely in the eyes.

'What are you afraid of, Padfoot, love?' He asked soothingly, taking Harry from Sirius when he felt Sirius's skeletal form begin to shake under the toddler's weight -he was still worryingly weak and malnourished. The werewolf placed Harry on his shoulders in a typical shoulder carry, much to the delight of the giggling Prongslet, who loved the height Remus gave him.

It was brilliant that Harry was now able to grow up with them; the cub to their shrunken pack.

'Moonyyyy!' Harry squealed, clinging to Remus's head when he was seated.

* * *

_His fist banged heavily on the wooden desk; the sound emitted upon the contact echoed loudly throughout the room._

_Dumbledore did not even flinch, his face remaining as calm as ever. Remus could only watch as this demeanour only served to enrage Sirius more so._

_'Harry is much safer with Remus and I. What could Petunia Dursley provide him with that we can't?!' Sirius shot at Dumbledore, 'I will not allow my Godson to be raised with these people. Remus told me they put him in a cupboard under the stairs! Their own nephew!'_

_'Sirius, please understand that when Lily died-'_

_'Yes. I am perfectly aware of the blood magic that Lily performed that night so that Harry could survive Voldemort -you explained this to us the night after the trial, Sir.' Sirius bit back, impatiently. _

_He let out an annoyed growl and removed his fist from where he had banged it on the desk. The animagus then started to pace restlessly, refusing to look at Dumbledore. Remus momentarily watched Sirius with a feeling of great solicitude for the man, before turning to address Dumbledore himself. Sirius was clearly not going to sort out this situation while he was executing one of his legendary Black tempers anyway._

_'Albus, I respect that you have made these decisions purely out of Harry's best interests with regard to his safety. I relented my argument before about my wanting to obtain custody over Harry because I believed that he would be at risk with me due to my lycanthropy and lack of money -not to mention the fact that my state of mind at the time was unpredictable at best- but now things have changed. _

_'I know you believe that blood is thicker than water, Sir, but with that there must also come love. After all, you have always taught us that love is the most powerful source of magic we can ever obtain. Surely, despite the connection Lily and Petunia had though sisterhood and blood, Harry is better protected with Sirius and I: the ones that love him most. I admit that the blood that runs within Petunia Dursley's veins is essential for your plan to keep Harry safe, but blood does not define who your real family is...'_

_The lycanthrope thought of Sirius's childhood and all that his friend had had to go through regarding his estranged family as he said this. Remus thought of how he would do anything to avoid Harry going through the same ordeal that Sirius did. _

_He continued, 'Family; love; protection. It is not gained through blood alone. Sirius and I love Harry more than anyone else in this world right now, and I will do everything within my power to make sure that Harry grows up with his family; his real family. A family that will love and nurture him, and not keep secrets from him or tell lies.' _

_'__Please understand, Sir, we do not want to put Harry in any more danger by asking you of this. Quite frankly, we want the opposite. You can protect Harry from Voldemort your way, but can you also protect him from himself? From the Dursley's neglect? Harry should not grow up unloved and alone. After all, solitude and isolation is never a good thing for a child.'_

_He paused and sighed as he tried to communicate his point. Sirius had stopped pacing by this point and had listened intently to Remus's words with a flicker of hope in his eyes __when he had spoke__. The duo waited in anticipation as Dumbledore closed his eyes -appearing to be brooding over his decision. Finally, he opened them, studying them both. When he spoke, his voice sounded resigned._

_'I can not disregard the protection Lily placed upon Harry.' He stated inarguably, 'But I am also aware that the point you are making is also of great importance. Remus, I think...' He hesitated, 'We may be able to make a compromise._

_'Harry will be bought into yours and Sirius's hands. You will care for him; love him, like a family would, like James and Lily would have done.' He looked pointedly at Remus. 'But he must also live with the Dursley's.' His tone was urgent and unnegotiable as he fixed both of them with an unwavering gaze. 'Remus, your lycanthropy -forgive me- is indeed a threat to Harry's safety as well as your own. I assume Sirius's animagus form was mastered with the intention to aid your transformations?' _

_He looked questioningly at Sirius who nodded defensively, still slightly annoyed at the Headmaster._

_'Ingenious idea, by the way. You and James certainly did your research.' Dumbledore praised. _

_'We'd do anything for Moony.' Sirius replied, shrugging, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world._

_'Indeed. However, before we go off on a tangent, I must press that this arrangement would have some level of risk, and we can not afford to have Harry's, nor any of yours, safety placed in jeopardy.' Dumbledore continued. 'Therefore, Harry will be placed with the Dursley's the days prior and post each full moon. That is the compromise. Harry's blood magic will still be in place, and his safety will be guaranteed. No arguments.'_

_Sirius nodded grudgingly. He knew the terms were sufficient and he did not want to push Dumbledore. In all honesty though, he could not deny that it was a good compromise._

_'Sounds like a plan.' Remus responded for the two of them, 'Thank you, Albus. For everything.' He nudged Sirius forward to say something._

_'Remus is right.' He agreed, nodding his head. 'Thanks, Albus. Things have just been so hard, what with James and Lily. It's not fair that they couldn't watch Harry grow up, and __-as Harry's Godfather- __I wouldn't want to know what they'd think of me right now if I couldn't even manage to be able to persuade you to allow Harry live with me...' He gazed towards Remus, who had averted his eyes and bowed his head. 'With us.' He corrected, smiling contently as the werewolf did the same from behind his wall of hair._

_He shook his head, clearing his thoughts and looked into Dumbledore's eyes. 'Thank you.'_

* * *

Sirius looked up at Remus ashamed.

'I don't think they'd want to see me, Moony.' He whispered. Remus reached out and stroked Sirius's hair away from his face.

'Of course they would want to see you, Pads. They're your family. No one blames you for what Peter did. You have no reason to believe that Prongs and Lils wouldn't want to see you.'

'I guess...'

Remus smiled collectedly, moving his hand downwards from Sirius's face to clasp one of his shaking hands, leading him (gently this time) towards James and Lily's grave.

The journey appeared to be an endless one for Sirius, each step felt like he was walking through water; each one more tiring than the last. Remus then stopped, causing Sirius to also stop automatically. Harry was too busy playing with Remus's now almost shoulder length curly hair and making unintelligible babble to understand the importance of where the trio were currently standing now.

'Hello again Prongs; Lily.' Remus spoke softly, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between them -discounting Harry's drabbling. 'Sorry it's been so long, but to make up for it, I've brought someone with me you might like to see.' The lycanthrope stroked Sirius's arm soothingly, allowing the animagus to gain his confidence. Nervously, in response, he shuffled forwards, looking at his shoes, timidly.

_The great, arrogant Sirius Black? What happened to all the confidence and resilience?_ he thought bitterly.

'Hiya Prongs... Hi Lils...' He whispered, biting his lip. At a loss, he looked up at Remus with a woebegone expression before he collapsed to his knees, daring to look upon the grave finally.

Sirius carefully traced the intricate cursive of _James Potter_ and_ Lily Potter_ with roughened fingertips, sighing as he felt Remus's comforting touch upon his shoulder as he dropped down beside the animagus.

'You all right, Pads?' He asked benevolently. Sirius broke his gaze from the inscription, and instead looked quickly from the innocent green eyes of Harry into Remus's own worldly emeralds, seeing understanding and concern in them, along with something else unexplainable...

Usually, Sirius would not be able to take Remus seriously, what with all the unorthodox positions Harry was shuffling into to play with Remus's hair, but there was a certain mawkishness in the air that instead made Sirius remain sentimental.

'Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks, Moony.' He rasped out, flashing Remus a slight smile. He then turned back to grave, sighing, 'I know it's been a while guys, and I'm sorry I couldn't visit you both sooner...' He began, emotionally.

The world went silent as he spoke, even Harry went silent, somehow understanding that his Godfather needed quiet time to persevere through this -an understanding of which both Remus and Sirius were grateful for. 'I want you both to know that I thought of you every day. I couldn't visit you in Azkaban obviously, but honestly these past few months afterwards: I have had no excuse. I guess I was just weak; scared. I figured that you would blame me for everything...

'I am technically the reason that you're both not here now with us... with Harry... Everyone knows it's Wormtail now, and they blame him... and they're right, I blame him too. He betrayed us all. But besides that, I was still the one that made you switch secret keepers. I was guilty, however unintentional my actions were towards this outcome. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you... I should've saved you, but I couldn't...'

He exhaled shakily and immediately Remus was there, wrapping his arms around him comfortingly, Harry joined the embrace as well.

'Pa'foot okay?' He asked innocently, patting Sirius's shiny hair before resting a chubby cheek on the crown of his head consolingly, despite the fact that the toddler was still positioned on Remus's shoulder like an awkward parrot.

'Yes thank you, my love.' Sirius chuckled shakily against Remus's chest. The lycanthrope's sharp cheekbone had also come to rest on Sirius's head beside his Godson's as he rocked the three of them. Remus stared at the marble stone and murmured,

'Prongs was the most accepting friend we could ever have had. He was a natural leader, and he was always able to understand; be compassionate and kind whenever he needed to be. He matured a considerable amount these past few years and was as loyal as any friend could be. More importantly though, Sirius, he would've forgiven you, had you actually done anything wrong.'

His words vibrated against Sirius's head as he continued, 'Lily had the ability to see the goodness in people, even and especially when that person could not see it themselves. She saw the good in you and the good in me. She saw the goodness in James, and in Severus and she never stopped. She was so brilliant; kind; considerate and beautiful with her words in every way possible. Also, Sirius, she would never have blamed you for this. She would never have thought that what happened was ever your fault. Neither of them would have.

'They both loved you and they both understood why you did what you did. You only wanted to protect your family. That action alone is what makes you different from Peter in every way, Padfoot. You loved them and wanted to keep them safe. That is no reason for you to berate yourself.'

Sirius nodded once. He knew this, deep down, but guilt had plagued him for so long; it was difficult to comprehend.

'I know, Moony... Thanks.' He sniffed unattractively and pulled away from Remus and Harry, composing himself. Seeing the lycanthrope's expression he chuckled, 'Sorry...'

'It's fine, Pads.' He winked. Sirius smiled and turned back towards the Headstone.

'So, guys, here we are...' He spoke to his best friends, a note of his old, confident self was beginning to show in his voice, 'It was Harry's second birthday yesterday. I hope that wherever you are now, you got to see him. He's so happy, but I know he misses you. It's sad that he knows there's a big hole missing from his life but doesn't know how or why; it makes him moody and irritated, but Remus and I are trying... We're doing our best, I promise.'

Suddenly, his tone changed from mawkish to bitter.

'Dumbledore reckons Voldemort could return soon, I just thought you ought to know.' Remus looked at Sirius supportively. 'Moony and I have promised to help when he does, but Remus found out some game changing information when he went on his mission to capture Peter. Infomation that could help us immensely...'

* * *

_'Dumbledore sent me on a mission, Sirius. I was with some Death Eaters.' He explained, holding a hand up to silence Sirius when he started to interrupt. 'I managed to convince them that I was also a Death Eater; I travelled with them for months, hoping to find information. They informed me that they were on a quest to bring Voldemort back.'_

_Sirius shivered at the thought. 'Indeed.' Remus added noticing Sirius's discomfort. 'I managed to persuade them to delay their quest though by convincing them that Wormtail was alive. It seemed they all had as fierce a grudge against him as you did, Pads.' _

_Sirius nodded._

_'Yeah, I noticed that in Azkaban too.' He confirmed. 'I often heard some of the Prisoners' moaning his name while they slept, "Kill the Rat" was the most common one, I think. It was... disturbing almost...'_

_'Yeah, no wonder Wormtail went into hiding... Anyway, I managed to manipulate the leader into delaying their search by convincing them to help me search for Peter instead. They agreed without much hesitation.' Remus explained. _

_Sirius looked at loss for words._

_'M-Moony... You do know how risky you were being, right?' Remus raised an eyebrow._

_'Funny, back in school I could've sworn that it was the other way around.'_

_'Moony, this is different. You could've be killed!' He stated, earnestly. _

_'Sirius, it was fine. I'm fine. I'm alive, aren't I?' Remus soothed. _

_'Alive doesn't constitute as fine, Remus.' Sirius said through clenched teeth._

_'What's that supposed to mean?'_

_'It means Peter did some talking while we were in the Ministry cells. Something about blood and burnt flesh. Anything you'd like to tell me, Moony?' Remus bit his lip._

_'I opened the box that came with the letter I burned, Sirius. That necklace.' Sirius's eyes widened as Remus fisted the pendant through the material of his shirt. 'What does it do, Padfoot?' The animagus ignored the question, and instead replied,_

_'Who hurt you, Moony? Tell me right now. Who tried to hurt you? I swear to Merlin-'_

_'It doesn't matter, Sirius.'_

_'It bloody well does matter, Remus. Who?'_

_'He's dead. That necklace killed him when he tried to-' He shook his head, not finishing his sentence. The lycanthrope spoke barely above a whisper, 'I was so scared, Pads...' Sirius's eyebrows lowered as he tried to control his anger. He covered Remus's shaking hands with his own and softened his tone._

_'What happened, Moony?' He asked softly. 'What did they do you you?'_

_'They didn't do anything. It's what they... it's what he was going to do...' He took a breath. 'The Death Eaters. We were escaping the Ministry and I apparated them to the forest between my father's house and the Weasley's. Do you remember the place?' Sirius nodded. 'I caught Wormtail's scent and lashed out at one of the Death Eater's.' A deep breath. 'Moony was so close then, it was worrying, but when I was confronted, I let slip Peter's nickname. Stupid. Stupid!' Another controlled breath. 'I called him Wormtail. It all escalated downhill from there. They knew I'd lied to them from the start, but when I wouldn't tell them who I was, things got... out of hand._

_'The Death Eater I pushed, he was the leader. He tied me up and pinned me to the floor and tried to...' He did not finish his sentence. He looked up wordlessly at Sirius letting his eyes speak for him. Sirius's expression proved fit for murder._

_'The bastard! Did he-?'_

_'No.' A sigh of relief. 'But he would've done. When he tried to touched me though, it hurt him; burnt him. When he touched the pendant you had given me, he melted entirely.' His expression turned inquiring. 'Padfoot... what does it do?' _

_Sirius lifted one hand to run it though his inky hair nervously and puffed his cheeks as he exhaled._

_'I placed a charm on the pendant. It was old magic. It acts as a sort of protection, but it only works if the person who it was intended for wears it. It's designed to protect you from anyone who tries to hurt you. When I saw you those past few months before Halloween, before all this shit had to happen, you would constantly look as if you were wounded or hurt. You looked as though you had gone days of having torture inflicted upon you. It was painful to watch you suffer, so I bought the pendant and placed a charm on it. I had to sample a drop of blood from both of us for it to work, but with the moon, it was easy. I never knew the limits of the charm though, Moony, I swear... I had read about it somewhere and the idea just came to me... I just wanted to protect you. I was the only one that _could_ protect you. I couldn't give it to you straight away though...'_

_'Because you didn't trust me.' It was a statement, not a question, but Sirius lowered his gaze and nodded anyway. Remus bit his lip again. _

_'Thanks, Padfoot.' The werewolf whispered. It was spoken with such sincerity that Sirius jerked his head upwards to meet Remus's gentle gaze, confused. 'You did save me.' _

_Sirius nodded, blinking back tears. He coughed abruptly and attempted to change conversation._

_'So...what's the news on Voldemort?' He asked, concern quivering through his voice. _

_Remus hesitated before answering._

_'The word is: Voldemort's in Albania.' He saw the look of shock on Sirius's face and pulled him into a soft hug, which Sirius responded to passionately. _

_'So he's actually alive then...' He whispered sadly against the crook of Remus's neck._

_'No. He's not alive, Sirius, he's stuck.' Remus theorised._

_'What makes you say that?' He asked, pulling back to look at the lycanthrope properly._

_'Well,' Remus began, looking unsure on how to explain himself. 'The Death Eater that... you know... Well, he mentioned something about Horcruxes. Ever heard of them?' He asked, hopefully. After some thought, Sirius shook his head, a little peeved._

_'I'm not sure, I recognise the word though...' _

_'Yeah, me too...' Remus empathised. 'I think it's something to do with the soul, though. I've come up with a theory. On Halloween, something Lily did must have prevented Harry from being killed by Voldemort. I'm assuming that he tried to use a killing curse on Harry, meaning that the spell must've backfired or something, with the intention of killing Voldemort himself as opposed to Harry. But something else must've happened. On that night, Voldemort must have lost his physical body, but his soul managed to remain on the Earth somehow. It's the only explanation that I can think of, however improbable it may seem. Also, if Voldemort was still fully alive, he wouldn't go into hiding, he's too persistent and power-hungry to give up everything this easily. _

_'I've concluded -and I think you'll agree- that something obviously went wrong that night, meaning that Voldemort must have had a back up plan to keep his soul latched to his world, so that if something like that did happen he could come back... He's alive, but he'll be weak, almost too weak to still be living, let alone perform magic, he's waiting, I think... although I can't be sure, and I don't know if I want to find out.' Sirius nodded understandingly._

_'Makes sense... and I don't blame you, Moony. That's a clever, albeit scary theory, I must say...' He stated admirably, then added, 'So forgive me when I say, I hope your theory is bollocks and that Voldemort's dead in a ditch somewhere.' Remus let out an apprehensive chuckle._

_'Yeah, me too...' _

* * *

'It turns out that Voldemort made several Horcruxes while he was powerful. That basically means he split his soul, preserving each split section within an object of value. We don't know how many times he could have done it, but Dumbledore reckons it could've been at least five times... maybe even seven. The objective now is to find these Horcruxes and destroy them before Voldemort is able to resurrect himself. Hopefully with all of them gone, we can keep Harry safe from harm.' Sirius explained to the cold stone.

Remus motioned him to stand, obviously thinking that Sirius had exerted himself enough.

'Things will get better, you know.' Sirius continued, now standing.

'I know, Pads, and I'm sure Lily and James know too.' Remus replied

They stood side by side, facing the grave. The summer breeze whistled softly as they paid their respects to their friends; their family -gaining the closure they had thrived for, for months. Harry squirmed, wanting to get down. Remus complied with the toddler's wishes and placed him on the grass standing.

Harry sensed the melancholia in the air and placed himself in the gap between the two adults, facing the grave which showed more importance than Harry's simplistic two year old brain could comprehend.

'Pa'foot.' He called, reaching out for Sirius's frail hand. Sirius looked down at his Godson, placing a smile on his otherwise desolate face for him. He took Harry's chubby hand in his own willingly. He seemed to cheer up considerably as his felt the warmth of the two year old's hand in his; his smile no longer looked like a façade. Harry smiled back, content with managing to make his Padfoot better.

'Moony.' He called out this time, reaching for the lycanthrope's own long, thin fingers. Remus looked down at the toddler. The smile that graced upon his features was not fake, as Sirius's had first been. Harry's smile only brightened when Remus ruffled his hand through Harry's unruly hair before taking the offered tubby hand. His hand looked so small within Remus's; innocent and pure.

Harry looked between the two men who had taken him away from those other people delightfully.

Harry had not liked living with those other people. They had had a scary child called Dudley who liked to frighten Harry. Those people had also liked to put Harry in a small dark room at night that had creepy spiders in, and those people used to made Harry sad when they told him that he could not see his Mummy and Daddy and uncles again when he asked...

But they were wrong. Harry had seen his uncles again, as Moony and Padfoot did come for him. They had saved him, like those super hero's in Dudley's comics do. Moony and Padfoot had worn black capes and had magic wands and they had hugged Harry and told him that _'Mummy and Daddy had to go away to fight all the evil Dragons in the sky to protect Harry.'_ This had made Harry quite sad as he had missed his Mummy and Daddy terribly. But Padfoot had also said that _'everything was going to be all right now, because Padfoot and Moony were going to look after Harry instead of the mean people Harry didn't like.'_

Harry knew they were telling the truth, of course. Everything was going to be all right. Padfoot and Moony would never lie to Harry because only naughty people lie and Padfoot and Moony are not naughty people, thank you very much. Harry still had to live with those other people sometimes though, but that was only for a little bit. Usually, Harry would be scared of going back there, but Moony would always make Harry feel better by telling him that _'We will always come to rescue you if you're in trouble, young Prongslet.' _Padfoot would also tell Harry that _'If the Dursley's are mean to you, Harry, you must tell Padfoot and Moony, and then Moony will turn the big purple man into an even fatter walrus and Padfoot will turn Dudley into a smelly pig.'_

Harry did not know what a walrus was... but he thought Dudley would make a very good pig indeed.

And so the three stared upon the grave of Lily Potter and James Potter. Remus and Sirius knew they would never forget the sacrifice their friends had made for Harry to live; they knew that their friends would be missed quite terribly, but they also knew that they could not live in the past.

Voldemort needed stopping, but that is not not they were living for. They were living for each other, and for Harry.

Because together, they were unstoppable; together, they were a family.

Together: they found a home.

* * *

**Apologies to all the reviewers. I know that I have been bad at replying to them, but I want you all to know that I appreciate every single one of you who have reviewed and stuck by this story. Thank you so much. I hope you all enjoyed Hopeless, and I hope that -as a first fic- it wasn't too bad. Thank you once again, please review! :)**


End file.
